'AITA for not helping my sister pay for her wedding, but helping our family go?' 'Our dad is taking it the hardest.'
"AITA for not helping my sister pay for her wedding but helping our family go to the wedding?"
Some wedding drama. Awhile back my sister went to our parents to ask for help to pay for her destination wedding, our parents don't have it like that. Our parents came to me and asked if I would loan them money to help my sister's wedding. I told them no, but I did tell them I would gladly pay for their travel and accommodations plus anyone else that would like to go.
Now this caused an issue with her soon be husband's family. They allegedly find it strange that our family can afford to fly people to the wedding but not help pay for the wedding. I told my sister our family cannot, but I can. After that I never heard anything else so figured it was cleared up.
Recently I brought the wedding up with our parents since it will be in May and wanted to make arrangements. They did not get their invites yet, so I reached to my sister and asked for the details. She told me they were not invited aince they thought they would not be able to attend due to the price, even though she was aware I was going to cover the cost for them to attend.
My sister said they plan to do something local after the fact, and it is not a big deal. Either way I am torn cause had I just helped cover some of the wedding costs maybe our parents would be able to apart of her day. Our dad is taking it the hardest. Idc so much about my sister's feelings but I do feel bad for our parents and feel that is what makes me wrong in this situation.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
KatsukiBakugoSlay said:
NTA, helping pay for someone’s wedding is a generous thing to do, not an obligation. And you paying for people’s travels is even more generous. It seems like she’s being petty, because she’s upset that your parents refused to help pay for her wedding, and that’s greedy of her to be mad at them...
For not paying for her wedding even though she is WELL AWARE they can’t afford it. Not enough information is shown to really be able to tell if she means to be sh$%ty, but it seems like she’s purposefully being petty.
Minisweetie2 said:
FWIW, your sister will be way more sorry she made this decision in the future, when your parents are no longer around. I’d spend my energy reminding Dad that he is very important to the family, this is one day, he still her father and maybe help him write a speech or something at the wedding they do attend.
Kami_Sang said:
NTA but it seems her in laws are helping to pay and are not happy that in effect the ILs will be paying for your side's presence - not travel and accommodation but all the other things like extra seating, decor, food, drinks etc. This is not on you. Even if your sister had a local wedding your parents might still not have contributed and your the ILs would still have to cater for them. Just not your issue/fight.
alien_overlord_1001 said:
NTA. There is no logic to her argument. Say your parents had $5,000, and the cost of going to the wedding is $5,000. If your sister expected them to give her the money for the wedding, they would not have been able to go. They can do two things with their money - they can get to the destination wedding and attend, or they can fund the wedding and not attend.
But your parents have $0. You offered to pay for them to get to the wedding - you are doing this for them, not for her. They still have $0. She didn't ask you to pay for her wedding, and you are not obligated to pay for it. If you had offered money...
You would still have offered to pay for your parents to get there, so it would have cost you a lot more. It's easy to spend someone else's money. Don't feel guilty about not letting her spend yours.
bkwormtricia said:
NTA. Your sister is using your parents' attendance at her wedding as BLACKMAIL, trying to force you to give her wedding Money. Yet you would still have to pay to get there! This is despicable. Please Do not reward her with the money she and fiance are trying to pry out of you.
Trick_Few said:
NTA. Is this family really truly trying to hold invitations to their daughter’s wedding hostage for money? This isn’t cool. They are playing you like a fiddle.
WinEquivalent4069 said:
NTA and find out who is paying for their wedding. Is it her future in-laws? That explains them having some issues but those are issues they need to take up with your sister.