"AITA for not including my estranged daughter in my will?"
My 64M daughter 32F has cut off all contact with me and my entire family 8 years ago after she got married. Her husband was an AH to me and our entire family and was so disrespectful to all of us especially me.
He had this sick kink of being the most important man in her life, I’ve tried telling her that he isn’t good for her but she basically told me to go huff myself and she went and married him anyways, none of us were invited and we were all blocked by her on everything.
We do know she’s fine and well, she lives in the same neighbourhood as a buddy of mine and she has two kids now and is pregnant again, I’ve tried going over there a few times and so did my wife after she gave birth but she kept yelling at us and kicking us out so we gave up.
Right now I’m redoing my will, not really sick or anything like that still in relatively good health, just want to finalise things, and I’m thinking of disinheriting her. If she doesn’t want me or my family in her life while I’m alive she should not get anything from me when I’m gone.
I want to leave everything I have to the kids that actually care about me and my wife and are there, my wife and other kids all agree with me. But a little part of me that still remembers that little girl is having a hard time with it.
She’s still my daughter and leaving her absolutely nothing just feels wrong, but again she rejected all of us so I don’t know.
Would I be the AH if I actually do it?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
NTA, But I would ask your lawyer whoever's helping you prepare your will-- What is the proper procedure in disinheriting, or if maybe giving her the minimum tiny amount of money will make it so she can't contest the will later and make trouble for your wife and your other children.
NTA- but I’d recommend leaving her a little something. Maybe something not of monetary value, but a memento that you hold dear to her memory of being your daughter (pictures/etc).
I’ve been estranged from my egg donor for almost 12 years.
I don’t expect to get a damn thing from her.
I doubt your daughter expects a thing from you. NTA.
"he had this sick kink of being the most important man in her life"
That one phrase tells me that this tale likely sounds very different from her side. Sure, it's possible she's with a controlling and/or abusive AH.
If that were the case, I would assume you would want her to get out of this terrible relationship, and would be making sure she knows you still love her and hope to see her again. You would be an inviting and safe place, not an angry one. But I will note that prioritizing your new nuclear family (your spouse and your kids) is normal after marriage.
The fact that she has blocked you and never let you near her kids is ... telling. NTA, in terms of your actual question. You can leave what you want to who you want, and I doubt she expects anything from you.
But I have some deep suspicions about you actually being quite the AH to your daughter previously, to the point she has cut you off. And you are still trying to find ways to hurt her, and all you have left is disinheriting her.
INFO: this is a really extreme reaction on your daughters part. What did the husband do that you found “so disrespectful”? What do you mean by “he had this sick kink of being the most important man in her life”?
Lol..."her husband had a sick kink of being the most important person in her life". This is pretty normal. Until a married couple has kids, their spouse is the most important person in their life. You, the parent take second seat.
NTA. It is your estate. Do you really want your son in law profiting from all your hard work? Although inheritance is not community property, given his attitude and her supporting of it, you know anything she inherits will be "joint".
Make sure you have an attorney do the proper language that shows she is actively disinherited and I would also tell your heir children of your intent so they don't have one of those nut-case posts years from now about "Sharing" inheritance.
Its your will, do what you want.
But something tells me that if your daughter were to share her story, we’d be calling you an AH.
YWNBTA. It's your will and seeing as how she cut contact with all of you, seems fine. However I will take issue with this "he had this sick kink of being the most important man in her life" - uhmmmm that's literally what being married is - you're the most important adult in your spouse's life.
I can totally see this being a situation where you were a jerk to her because you wanted to continue to have control over your daughter and they didn't want that. Maybe that's true, maybe not, but if you don't think a husband should be the most important man in a wife's life (assuming no adult male children), then that's a you problem, not a them problem.
I really can't tell from this whether you're at fault for the estrangement, or whether her husband is. You've been incredibly vague about why he "isn't good for her" and about how you expressed that to her.
That kind of refusal to provide concrete information often suggests that the person writing the post is hiding some egregious behavior they engaged in. In addition, her husband being the most important person in her life isn't a "sick kink," it's a pretty standard way most people treat their spouses.
I feel there is a whole back story to this that you aren't providing. How w as your relationship before she met her partner. He should be the most important man in her life as her life partner.
All of that makes me suspect that you didn't treat him, or her, very well, and that the reason you're estranged is because you didn't treat your child or her relationship with the respect it deserves. But if you're willing to give more details, perhaps it'll turn out that I'm wrong.