'AITA for not inviting my brother to my son’s graduation because he made it all about his new girlfriend (again)?'
"AITA for not inviting my brother to my son’s graduation because he made it all about his new girlfriend (again)?"
Sugarybritchez
I (41M) have a son, Sam (18M), who recently graduated from high school. This was a huge milestone, and we had been planning a special family dinner to celebrate. I was proud of him and wanted the evening to be focused on his accomplishments, as he worked so hard to get to this point.
My brother, Alex (38M), has a bit of a history when it comes to family events. Every time he gets into a new relationship, he parades his new girlfriend around, turning any occasion into "meet the girlfriend" night.
It’s happened so many times that it’s become a running joke in the family, but this time, I wasn’t in the mood for distractions. He just started dating Lisa (27F) a couple of months ago, and I knew exactly how the night would go Alex introducing her to everyone like she’s the main event, hogging conversations, and making it about them rather than Sam.
So, I asked him not to bring her to the dinner. I told him it wasn’t personal, but I wanted the focus to be on Sam, not on his new relationship. I thought Alex would understand, but he lost it. He called me selfish, said I was jealous because he was happy again after his divorce, and accused me of deliberately excluding him.
My parents, always the peacemakers, got involved and started pressuring me to let it go. They said Alex "deserved to be happy" and that Lisa should be welcomed with open arms, especially since Alex hasn’t been in a serious relationship since his divorce.
They made me feel like I was ruining family harmony, but I stood my ground. I wanted this night to be special for Sam, not another spectacle about Alex's latest girlfriend. In the end, Alex refused to come without her, so I didn’t invite him at all.
Now, my parents are furious, saying I’m alienating my own brother over something petty, and Alex is spreading the word that I’m "punishing him for being in love." Sam had a great night, but I can’t shake the feeling that I’ve caused unnecessary drama.
Some family members agree with me, but others say I could have just let him bring her to avoid conflict. I’m stuck wondering: was I wrong for drawing this line, or is Alex the one who’s making everything about himself yet again?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
badassmillz
LOL, I'm sorry but the "punishing me for being in love" line is hilarious. I wouldn't say a couple months of dating Lisa is "seriously dating" if he has brought other people around since his divorce. What makes her so different?
He isn't treating her any different.... if he wants to introduce the person he is "in love" with to the family he should make an arrangement with everyone like a dinner outing or a small get together and make it officially about HER. Not just some other chick he's bringing around to a family event.
It's like he wants her to feel special cuz she's meeting the family but it's not actually special b/c it has happened this way before.... NTA. He sounds immature and desperate to fall in love. Love is beautiful and everyone deserves it but, my guy.... come on.... No one hates you because you're in love 😂👎🏽
Sugarybritchez (OP)
Haha, yeah, the “punishing me for being in love” line definitely had me shaking my head a bit too. I agree it’s hard to take it seriously when he’s done this exact thing with every girlfriend since his divorce. It’s like he’s using family events as a stage to show off his relationships, but it ends up feeling less special because it’s become a pattern.
If he really wanted to introduce Lisa properly, like you said, he could’ve made it an actual event about her instead of turning Sam’s big night into another "meet the girlfriend" moment. It’s not about him being in love it’s about the timing and respect for the occasion.
fanofthethings
As a parent who cares about their child, I think you made the right call. Your brother was being unnecessarily dramatic. If it’s so easy for you to just give in, why wouldn’t it also be so easy for him to give in?
Why does it have to be you. I’ve set boundaries with problematic family members and been called a wedge driving the family apart. Turns out I was actually the glue holding the family together.
When I went no-contact with the more toxic ones and made my reasoning clear, the family gatherings just stopped. Everyone scattered. Do what’s right for you and what’s right for your kid. You’re NTA.
Sugarybritchez (OP)
It’s tough to set boundaries, especially when family makes you feel like you’re the one causing division. I’ve been feeling a lot of pressure to just give in for the sake of “keeping the peace,” but you’re right why is it always on me to compromise? I didn’t want to cause any drama, but at the end of the day, this night was about Sam, and I had to do what I felt was right for him.
Hearing about your experience with setting boundaries really puts things into perspective. I can see how easy it is for things to spiral when you don’t stand firm. I guess the tension now is hard, but in the long run, I’m hoping it’ll lead to healthier dynamics.
Bhaastsd
“Just let him bring her to avoid conflict” translates as “just let him trample over your boundaries and make the night about him”. NTA.
Sugarybritchez (OP)
That’s what I was trying to avoid. If I let him do it this time, it would’ve set the tone for future events too.
WorthYogurtcloset263
NTA. This night was about your son, no one else.