'AITA for not inviting my brother to my wedding after what he did at the proposal?'
"AITA for not inviting my brother to my wedding after what he did at the proposal?"
I (27F) am getting married next spring, and I recently decided not to invite my older brother, Jake (30M). This has caused a huge family drama, and now I’m questioning whether I’m overreacting.
For some context, Jake has always been the family jokester. Growing up, his pranks were harmless, but as we’ve gotten older, he doesn’t seem to know where to draw the line. His humor can feel more like making a spectacle of others than just a laugh.
A few months ago, my fiancé Liam (28M) proposed to me. He planned something simple but meaningful—a picnic at the park where we had our first date. He had set up flowers, candles, and my favorite food, and it was supposed to be just us.
Well, Jake somehow found out from my mom that Liam was planning to propose that day. Without telling me or Liam, he showed up at the park with his friends and a cooler of beer. As Liam was getting ready to propose, Jake and his friends started whooping and hollering, shouting things like, “Don’t do it, man!” and “You’re making the biggest mistake of your life!”
Liam tried to ignore them, but I was so embarrassed I froze. Jake thought it was hilarious and said they were “just joking,” but it completely ruined the moment for both of us. Liam ended up proposing later that night at home because the park moment was a total bust.
Afterward, I told Jake how upset I was. He brushed it off, saying I should have a sense of humor and that I’m “too uptight.” My parents told me to let it go, saying Jake didn’t mean any harm and that I should be happy he was “so excited” for me.
Now, as I’m planning the wedding, I’m terrified Jake will pull something similar—or worse—on my big day. I decided it’s just not worth the risk, and I told him he’s not invited. Jake is furious, saying I’m overreacting and punishing him for “having fun.”
My parents are pressuring me to reconsider because “family is family,” and they think it will cause a permanent rift if I exclude him. Liam is fully supportive of my decision, but part of me wonders if I’m being too harsh. Am I the asshole for not inviting my brother to my wedding?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
sour_lemons said:
NTA. If Jake’s intention was to cause good fun then when you told him how upset you were his reaction should’ve been to apologize profusely for causing his sister pain and distress, rather than brushing you off and blaming you for being too uptight.
This is VERY telling of his intentions, which has nothing to do with supporting you or being excited for you. His intentions are purely selfish and amusement for himself at the expense of others. If he’s unable to recognize how harmful his behaviors are to others and continues to justify it, then he’ll never change. And your parents are enabling him.
missdeb99912 said:
NTA. Your brother’s actually were horrendous. You told him how hurt you were, and instead of apologizing, he defended his behavior, insulted you, and invalidated your feelings. Your brother sucks. Your family should see that. A simple, “he is not invited. This isn’t up for discussion. Can’t wait to celebrate with you!” Leave it at that.
ravenofmyheart said:
NTA, your brother sucks and I'd tell my parents if they don't respect your choice, they can stay home too. I'm sorry your family sucks and doesn't realize he ruined what should have been a special moment for you guys. If you don't want a wedding or the drama, I highly recommend eloping. That's what we did and no regrets.
ExistenceRaisin said:
NTA. Jake has a history of ruining your special occasions. What he did wasn’t funny at all, and he doesn’t seem to understand that he hurt you.
Slow_Impact3892 said:
NTA but get security because he will try to show up anyways. Also be prepared for your parents to pull out. It’s not fair and totally unreasonable but also a reality for these situations.
merishore25 said:
NTA. This was a really mean thing to do. I wouldn’t want him there either. It’s not up to your parents who shouldn’t be saying he didn’t mean any harm. He ruined one of the most important moments in your life.