"AITA for not inviting my dad's girlfriend to my wedding?"
A little backstory, my parents got divorced about 14 years ago after my dad had cheated on my mom. Both parents are now in new relationships. I (26M) have been able to move on from that and would say my relationship with both of my parents are good.
Fast forward to today, I am getting married this year and it will be a small courthouse wedding, with immediate family only. I current live in CA and the rest of my family resides in NJ so my family will be flying out for the wedding.
I invited my mom's current boyfriend of 10+ years because I do see him as family as he has always offered help no matter what. On the other hand, myself and my fiance do not have a relationship with my dad's current girlfriend AND she is the woman my dad had an affair with so we did not want her there.
On top of that, we did not even get a congratulations text/call when we first got engaged. I spoke to my dad recently and after telling him that we do not want her there, he took it rather personal. He began to question why my moms significant other was invited and not his, and then proceeded to say "F you and hung up the call."
Am I the ahole for inviting my mom's significant other and not my dad's? I can't seem to imagine a time or place where it would be appropriate to bring my dad's mistress to my wedding.
NOTE: A few hours after our phone call, my dad proceeds to text me that he will no longer be attending the wedding and sent a text saying "wish you the best." My father has NOT been with his current girlfriend for 14 years, that's just when my parents divorced.
Also, the women he cheated with was more of a family friend, so she knew my parents were together. Yes, my dad was the one in a marriage, but it takes two to cheat, especially when you are fully aware the other is in a relationship.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
ResponsiblePass715 said:
NTA. You have every right to not want her there especially if it makes you uncomfortable. She is not your mother, and you really don't owe this to her especially after what she did to split the family.
RevolutionaryBuy439 said:
NTA. Perfectly reasonable to not want her at the wedding. Natural that your dad takes offense to it however, but it’s not your problem really.
LindaBelcher75 said:
NTA. It's your wedding, and you don't want the woman he cheated with there. That's completely reasonable.
Remote-Passenger7880 said:
NTA but it is a bit naive of you. He chose this woman over you before, ofc he was gonna choose her again. But maybe this was that final push you needed to realize he isn't worth it.
bippityboppitynope said:
NTA. Sounds like he saved you the trouble of rescinding his invite.
Glittering_Swan4911 said:
NTA - hypocritical of your dad wanting her there when he broke his own marriage vows by cheating with her. Marriage means nothing to him. Your mother’s partner is different because she’s found new love after betrayal so it’s meaningful.
Plus you think of him as family. If your dad can’t attend without her then that’s his issue. Shows how much he values you.