'AITA for not inviting my fiancé's girl best friend to my bachelorette?'
"AITA for not inviting my fiancé's girl best friend to my bachelorette?"
Okay so my fiancé's female "best friend" is also his... high school ex-girlfriend. They dated for 4 years, but he assured me that they've been just good friends since their breakup, and I trust him.
So I haven't had any problem with her being around and we often invite her to birthdays, house parties, etc. And honestly, I never found her risky or a potential damage to my relationship at all. Except, something happened recently...
After my fiancé proposed to me, we video called all our friends, and when we showed them our rings, everyone was happy except her. She instantly started bombing us with questions like:
"Are you guys sure you're ready for this?"
"This is a very big and serious step!"
"Isn't this happening a little too fast?"
At first, I let it slide. But then, she suddenly started visiting our place more often, especially when I was at work and my fiancé was alone at home. Honestly, things really started ticking me off at this point.
But then, she did something which was the last straw.
Two weeks ago, I was out on a work trip for 2 days, and while I was away, my fiancé's best friend decided to host a "drinks night" at her place.
All our friends went, and so did my fiancé, but after everyone left, she requested my fiancé to stay back for a while, as she wanted to "vent" about her breakup to her "best friend" and even asked him to comfort her with hugs and all of that nonsense.
All I know is, my fiancé spent the rest of the night alone with her. And even though we fought about this and he assured me nothing happened at all, I really cannot bring myself to believe it even though I want to.
Now, I had my bachelorette party a few days ago, and I really didn't want to have a bad time at all, since this is really important for me. So, I finally decided to not invite her.
Now, she's very very mad at me for doing that and she's complained about this to my fiancé like a 1000 times now, and my fiancé fought with me and stood up for her. I really don't know how to feel. Am I the bad one here? Am I really being an insecure witch?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
NTA - she might be a mutual friend but you’re not obligated to invite her! This is your bachelorette party.
NTA and you will save yourself a lot of misery in the future by postponing your wedding to make sure he is really the one. She definitely has feelings for him and he might reciprocate it to some extent. Also, right now, he's defending her over you. Who next will it be, who is more important? His mother? Other family members? Friends from high school? Put the brakes on.
Wow. NTA. Tell him, "She's driving a wedge between us because she wants things to stay the way they were. No wife, no marriage, you single." Pause and let him take that in.
"Let's not fight over this. She's your friend; she's my acquaintance. This is a very wonderful and important time in our lives. Let's celebrate it with each other. Let's enjoy it together. Can you do that?" And see what he says.
If he sides with her again, say, "It's over. I didn't invite her. Do you want to be angry over something that can't be changed?" If he continues, ask him, "Are you getting cold feet?" You might as well find out now before he pulls a Bruce Springsteen.
NTA. She isn't your friend, she is his friend. You don't need to include her on your wedding events where it is just YOUR friends. He should also understand that she is acting improperly here by attempting to insert herself into decisions you two are making. You are going to have to deal with this until either A- She gets very involved with some guy/girl and moves or B- He divorces you get back with her.
NTA. Their relationship is inappropriate for an engaged man. Everyone sounds immature here, ill-prepared for marriage. His priorities aren't clear.
NTA. She’s marked her territory, and he’s consented to it. She has way too much control over your relationship with your fiancé. He will always side with her, because that’s who he is.
This won’t change when you’re his wife. I know your wedding’s coming up, but seriously, cut your losses. Don’t be one of the many, many people who are still paying off their wedding while trying to fund a divorce.
Hey I don’t usually comment on these things but marriage is about commitment and if this dude is still holding space for someone who still wants his downtown business then some boundaries need to be set before you tie the knot. Sorry for the bad news.
Are you sure you want to marry a dude who stands up for his ex-girlfriend instead of his current fiance?
He spent the night comforting his ex at her place alone after she’s 100% made it clear she doesn’t approve of your marriage and you’re wondering if you’re the jealous insecure person? I’d be more worried about getting deposits back and returning wedding gifts.
Your fiancé clearly doesn’t respect you. And also, this woman isn’t your friend as all so why would she even want to be at your celebration? But sure go ahead and marry a guy who puts another woman first…. Good luck with that.
NTA, but your fiance's "best friend" is not the only bad guy here. He should not still be close friends with an ex who's clearly still in love with him. He either likes the attention, or they're boning. Probably both.