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'AITA? I didn't invite my friend to my courthouse wedding ceremony and she flipped out.' UPDATED

'AITA? I didn't invite my friend to my courthouse wedding ceremony and she flipped out.' UPDATED

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"AITA for not inviting my friend Nancy to my courthouse wedding?"

Nancy (27f) and I (27f) have been friends for 8 years now. Adam (27m) and I have been friends for 10 years, and he's my best friend. My husband Mark (26m) and I got married a few days ago. We decided to only have 2 witnesses and an officiant there, the legal requirements, to minimize stress. Our 2 witnesses were Adam, who's my best-friend / man-of-honor, and Mark's best-friend / best-man John.

We did not invite our parents, our siblings, or any other friends outside of those that I mentioned. I have very toxic parents and really didn't want them there for my courthouse wedding, they bring a negative energy with them everywhere. As to not offend my parents, Mark decided to also not invite his parents and keep it a stress free intimate day with our best friends.

A day after we got married, Nancy messaged me a long paragraph about how I excluded her and she felt hurt. She said that if I invited Adam, I should've invited her because we're a "trio". She claimed I hid the ceremony from her purposefully. Here's the thing, I told her this was our plan MONTHS in advance.

I've talked about it with her in front of Adam, which he confirmed is true, and again at my bday dinner while my brother and his fiancé were also there. I told her that she must have forgotten, to which she responded by saying it was my responsibility as a "good friend" to remind her.

The date was very easy to remember because it falls on the same exact month and day as our wedding next year, so I didn't feel the need to remind her since I had spoken about it with her multiple times. Her response to that was I reminded Adam and invited him, she should've had the same thing out of courtesy and that I violated our friendship dynamic.

I told her that not even our parents or siblings were invited and apologized that I made her feel bad, but she continued to victimize herself and call me inconsiderate. She then said she needed time to reconsidering her involvement in my wedding next year. That message really hurt me because I feel like I didn't do anything to deserve that response.

I then took back my apology and told her it's not my responsibility to prioritize her feelings on a day that is not about her. I told her that a "good friend" would just be happy for me and wouldn't be attaching guilt to one of the most amazing days of my life.

I also told her that she cannot compare herself to Adam, who's basically like a brother to me, and that Adam is my man of honor and will continue to play a more involved role in the planning and execution of my wedding next year, and that she's just going to have to accept that. AITA here??

AITA? This is what top commenters had to say about it:

said:

NTA. This day was about two people: you and your now-husband. Your friend is trying to make it about her

said:

NTA. And not that it matters much because I’m a rando stranger on the internet, but I’m really proud of you. You stood up for yourself firmly but politely. That’s a fantastic skill to have. Congratulations on your nuptials!

said:

NTA. You explicitly invited only 1 persons each to have the min witness requirements. She's allowed to be sad that she didn't get invited, but her feelings aren't your responsibility and her feeling hurt doesn't mean you did anything wrong.

You can do what is right for you and not be wrong, and she can also have her own feelings about it. Her making you feel like crap for her feelings and blaming you and saying what you did was wrong, however, isn't ok.

said:

Info - Did you not invite her and just inform her of the wedding During your conversations about it? Would you have welcomed her if she showed up? I am kind of confused about that part of your story.

And OP responded:

I did not invite her to the courthouse wedding, but she is a bridesmaid for our symbolic wedding next year, which will include all of our friends and family. I was excited to be legally married this year, so I've talked about this courthouse wedding for months with my friends and siblings, which is why I don't understand how she forgot seeing as I haven't shut up about becoming a wife or about the rings we got.

Commenters agreed: OP is not the a$$hole, but her friend is. And, it turns out, since this original post, the friend's behavior got even worse. OP shared this update:

Brief summary, my friend "Nancy" got mad that I had a courthouse wedding and she wasn't invited, despite us only inviting our 2 witnesses and officiant, and also that I didn't remind her so she could "share in my joy". She threatened to end the friendship and said I purposefully excluded her.

Since my first post I tried to have a conversation with "Nancy" about how it made me feel that she turned my marriage into something about her instead of being supportive, but she gaslit me, and I ended up apologizing for making her feel excluded even though she is meant to be a bridesmaid in my actual wedding later this year and no one but my 2 witnesses were invited to my courthouse wedding.

As a commenter predicted, it was a behavior that would repeat itself during my wedding planning process. I decided to include her in one of my dress-fitting appointments. I made the appointment 3 weeks in advance and she confirmed she'd be able to make it.

4 days before my appointment she texts me saying she also made a wedding dress appointment on the same day as mine!! She's engaged but doesn't have a wedding date yet, so I found this suspicious. I told her it made me uncomfortable and that we should both be able to have our own days, but she insisted she couldn't cancel because everyone she invited already confirmed and that it didn't bother HER.

When I called her out on how she's so far made every step of my marriage and wedding planning about her, and she's not once been truly present for me, she made herself a victim and said I spit vitriol at her for saying she's attempting to make things about her and I was being a fake friend. So I cut her out of my bridal party entirely and told her to have a nice life.

She since then sent me paragraphs about how I'm a shitty person. I didn't read it all, deleted it, and don't intend on responding. Thank you to the commenters on my original post for helping me see she was a sh!tty friend. And a special thank you to the person who called out the fact that this would be a repeated behavior. You were right.

Sources: Reddit
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