'AITA for not inviting my brother's girlfriend to my wedding?'
"AITA for not inviting my brother's girlfriend to my wedding?"
I am a 28-year-old male and my fiancé is a 30-year-old male. We've been together for 6 years. My brother is 30-years-old and his girlfriend is also 30 - let’s call her Sophie.
They've been together just over 2 years. My fiancé and I are getting married next year and my fiancé and I have had a conversation about not inviting Sophie to the wedding for various reasons:
- Being rude to my parents, in particular my mother.
- Generally not being very pleasant to talk to and stand offish.
- Making no effort with me or my fiancé at getting to know us or spend time with us, despite multiple attempts from us to spend time with her.
- Making rude comments about my personality and profession.
So following this I approached my parents (after they repeatedly showed their frustrations about her over months with me) and told my parents that we wouldn’t be inviting Sophie to our wedding. Following this my parents immediately shared their concerns that this would “break up the family”.
At this point there were approximately 18 months until the wedding and I did not want to speak to my brother about this situation and wanted some time to think about it following my parents sharing their concerns.
Weeks passed and my fiancé and I decided that we would invite Sophie to the wedding as it was not worth the argument. I then told my parents about this change and left it at that. I never told my brother about this and didn’t speak to him about this either, there was no reason for it to be brought up.
What followed is that weeks after this, my parents drove up to my brothers and Sophie’s home (we live opposite sides of the country to each other) and individually told them both that Sophie wouldn’t be invited to our wedding and told them about frustrations that we (fiancé and I) had shared with my parents about Sophie.
I only found out about this months after when my brother started ignoring my texts and calls. So I confronted my parents and they confessed that they had told my brother and Sophie.
I am now being painted as someone who is breaking up the family, alongside I am being told to apologize to Sophie for the hurt I have caused. There is obviously a lot more to it but I have tried to keep it as factual and unbiased as possible. So AITA?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
NTA. You had concerns and voiced them to your parents. Your parents told you it’d break up the family and be your fault. You decided to allow her at the wedding and informed your parents as much.
They decided to tell your brother anyway, and do the thing they accused you of doing. Your parents are the AHs. It’s like they want her to know she’s not welcome in the family but don’t want to be the bad guys and made you it.
Maybe Sophie is just putting boundaries in place with OP's mom because she is a drama starter. My former MIL made me out to be "rude" when I had normal boundaries and called out her poor behavior.
Stuff like this is maybe why Sophie acts the way she does towards you and your wife and doesn't care for you mom. Seems like mom and dad stir both 💩 pots !
NTA: Call up your brother and report what your parents told you. Express concerns about your parents' mental fitness. Together encourage them to get checked out. Their behaviour is not normal and could be a sign of dementia. If your brother asks if his girlfriend is invited reply, 'Of course.' And leave it at that.
I think I understand why Sophie was rude to your parents lol. Technically NTA because your parents are major AHs.
NTA. WTF is wrong with your parents? They stirred up drama and now you have to clean it up? I mean, now it doesn’t seem so bad that she was rude to your parents — they’re capable of back stabby behavior. What you should actually do now depends on whether/how much you want to salvage your relationship with your brother.
You didn’t not invite Sophie though. You decided to invite her, and your parents went and purposely lied to her and your brother for some reason. Your parents threw you under the bus and even lied, they clearly don’t care about you. You should really be reconsidering your relationship with your parents to be honest.
Your parents are TAs. WTF were they thinking? You told them Sophie would be invited. Were they just wanting to vent how they felt about Sophie and using your situation as a catalyst?
Hell no. Your parents decided to throw you under the bus. You're under no obligation to apologize for their mess. If anything, they're the ones who seem intent on breaking up the family. However, if you care about your brother, it's worth having a conversation to clear the air with him, regardless of what you want to do about the wedding.
They also prioritise appearance over positive relationships. They've had frustrations with Sophie but not only protested her being excluded they also antagonized the sitution by bringing it to her's and OP's brother's door.
Sounds like your mom is a MILFH to Sophie. She probably triangulated you and your brother because she was jealous and losing control of her boys. No wonder Sophie wants to distance herself from all of you. If you want to salvage your relationship with your sibling, go see him and get the truth. Mom belongs in the doghouse.
NTA based on your writing. However, your parents surely are the AH. It wasn’t up to them to say anything to Sophie or your brother. Your parents owe you, fiancé, brother and Sophie an apology. They are splitting the family. Makes one wonder how much of a spin your parents put on conversations 🤷♀️.