'AITA for not inviting my pregnant SIL to my wedding?' 'We are paying for the wedding ourselves.''

"AITA for not inviting my pregnant sister-in-law to my wedding?"

My partner and I are due to get married soon. My brother David has always been viewed as the favorite in my family, and so is his wife Jill. I on the other hand am always viewed as the problem in my mother's eyes...

A few years ago, we celebrated my step brother's wedding with our family. David, Jill, my fiancé and I stayed in an apartment and had breakfast together the next morning and all was seemingly great. That was until later that afternoon when I received a call from my mum saying Jill was at her house in tears because I insulted her appearance at the wedding.

I have zero recollection of this, but my fiancé was with me the whole night and was adamant that I did not say anything...plus Jill showed no signs of being upset or annoyed with me at any point. I was disappointed that my mum did not ask me and jumped to conclusions that I was in the wrong. I apologized to Jill and that was seemingly the end of it.

Our relationship with Dave and Jill has been icy since then and Jill has made no effort to engage with my fiancé on our upcoming wedding at family events. At Christmas, when we were visiting my mum and step dad, Dave and Jill both arrived and announced that they are expecting a baby (first grandkid in the family) and that’s it’s due on our wedding day.

After a few drinks my stepdad made a remark that "our big day is now about Dave and Jill as well." I spoke to my mum about this and she assured me that this wouldn’t be the case and that they would be celebrating us, my stepdad disagreed again. Our wedding day is really important to us and our friendships.

We have a two day wedding. The first day is a ceremony and a meal in an upmarket restaurant for 30 of our closest friends and immediate family. The next day is a party for all our other friends and extended family.

David and Jill are invited to both days, but given the long day and that she is due to give birth on the day, we did not have the space to accommodate Jill for the evening meal. She also said she didn’t want to go originally as she doesn’t like that kind of food, but has changed her stance since on wanting to attend.

My mum has now demanded that we invite Jill to the meal and has been pretty aggressive towards me and my fiancé. We have stated that we don’t have the space (my fiancé's close friends and step mum aren’t going) and that we don’t think it’s suitable, the ceremony at the meal is very intimate and we only want our closest friends there.

My mum has now said that they need to be there for Jill in case she goes into labor and so she needs to be at the venue. I should point out that Jill also has family albeit they are an 1 hour flight away, and not all of our family are going to the meal. We are paying for the wedding ourselves too.

I just feel like this should be a day to celebrate me and my to-be wife, but my family have made it clear that they want it to be about Jill, who has made it clear she doesn’t even like us. So please help, AITA? Thanks!

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Longjumping_Win4291 said:

NTA I call hogwash on sister-in-law being due on the wedding day. I bet she's only saying that for the attention to be on her and especially for everyone to be watching her during the weekend in case the egg hatches, so to speak. I predict it will be after the event.

Why else is she so pushing to be there, when she claimed she had no interest. Sil wants to put on a show at your wedding. I would inform your mother that if she chooses to miss out on your wedding, that is her choice.

The invites have been sent, and all the seats have been allotted. Then go enjoy your day with your partner, stop giving the miserable space in your lives to create mayhem. Your mother will be the one missing out.

clauclauclaudia said:

Jill was invited. Jill declined the invite, so they filled her spot. Now that she'll be 10 months pregnant she wants to change her mind? NTA.

AMissKathyNewman said:

YTA for this weird "exclusive" dinner where your brother is invited but not your SIL. It is rude to invite someone and exclude their partner. Not inviting your finances step mother but presumably his father is also included in this.

daja-kisubo said:

YTA for only inviting one of a couple. But also i can't believe no one is pointing out that this is a non-issue. If she's actually due right around your wedding, there's no way she and David will actually show up. If she goes early, they'll be doing new parent things and she'll be physically recovering.

If she's in labor, they'll be wherever she's giving birth. If she goes overdue, David might come alone if the venue is close to his house, but she'll feel too shitty to come to a wedding (especially one where she'll likely be treated rudely by the happy couple).

catsaway9 said:

YTA. You say the intimate meal is for immediate family - well, she qualifies. Of course she should be there, and so should your fiance's step-mother. These people will be part of your family for the rest of your lives. Don't cause a rift over an event that should be joyful.

Tazno209 said:

So, you insulted her a previous time and claim to not know what you said. Now, you’re not inviting her to your wedding. And you’re wondering if you’re in the wrong & why she & her husband are “icy?" YTA.