'AITA for not inviting my sister-in-law to an event I know she would have enjoyed?' 'She’s too judgy.'
"AITA for not inviting my sister-in-law to an event I know she would have enjoyed because she’s too judgy?"
I’ve always wanted to like my SIL Macey but she’s judgy about weird stuff, like oh it’s superficial to get a designer bag when you should just go to the thrift store and get a $2 bag. But spending $600 on collectibles is okay. (They’re BOTH fine). Sadly this makes her the perfect partner for my brother. You can imagine the kind of personality he has lol.
The best example was when my sister Bee and her wife and a bunch of their friends were going to The Eras tour a few years ago. They’re all queer women too so they love Taylor. Macey thought that because I didn’t go I would be “on her side” and crap talk them, call them vapid and silly cult members.
I said I didn’t go because I’m just...not a fan. I said she was behaving like a mean girl and to stop. She took offense because SHE was the victim of bullying as a kid. I said well I guess you didn’t learn from it because look at who you’ve become. She wouldn’t talk to me for months.
Well a few weeks ago I got a ton of free tickets to the renaissance festival. I invited Bee and some other friends. Macey has said in the past she loves Ren Fests. She loves to get dressed up in period accurate costumes. I asked Bee if we should invite Macey and Bee said no, Macey would inevitably make some snarky comments about costumes not being accurate or something and ruin the mood for everyone.
I thought about it and in the end agreed. Bee posted pics, Macey saw, and asked us why we didn’t invite her. In the end, I told her that it was because I never know what she’s going to judge next. She said that we were bullying her.
Bee brought up the Eras tour thing and how nasty Macey was about it and Macey defended herself by saying she never said that stuff TO her and I was wrong for telling her in the first place.
My brother thinks we should have invited Macey and that we’ve gone out of our way to not be supportive and make her part of the family. I’ve literally had her over for baking Xmas cookies, movies, brunch. She’s never returned the favor. I just did not want to have a day where the mood was soured because of someone being judgy. He did not care about Macey ragging on Bee, either. AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
One_Ad_704 said:
NTA. And I love Macey's "justification" of since she didn't say something to someone's face, then it didn't matter.
MeltedStones said:
NTA. She needs to address her own behavior about other people’s hobbies before she gets to go do hobby things with you guys. I wouldn’t want to spend the day with her, either.
crocodilezebramilk said:
NTA, Macey turned into the same girls who used to bully her and she sees nothing wrong with it, just like her bullies she is doubling down. Even if you and your sister did try to talk to her about it, she'll automatically accuse you of ganging up and bullying her. There's no win anywhere in sight, so the best thing you can do is live your own life and let her stew in the mess shed created.
writierthanyou said:
NTA. You've been very upfront on why her behavior is a problem, and she refuses to change. You are not obligated to hang out with her if she brings down the mood.
Silent_Coffee_7292 said:
NTA. No one is entitled to an invite. Period. Doesn't matter if they would have enjoyed it and are the nicest person on the planet. Your SIL and bro need to understand that while you understand she wanted to go and feels left out right now, you can't continue to ruin your own experiences just so she can come.
Her saying it's ok to badmouth people as long as it is behind their back, shows she truly doesn't get it. She needs to understand that people are tired of listening to it, even if it isn't about them. So bringing her would have brought everyone down.
LhasaApsoSmile said:
NTA. Macey is jerk. One of the basic lessons in life is that people like what people like. Someone should explain to Macey that talking smack is talking smack whether it is to your face or not. I would also ask Macey about her bullying experiences. Is it possible that people gave her grief for being so insufferable.
imamage_fightme said:
NTA. No one is owed an invite to anything and this is the natural consequence of Macey being a nasty person. If you spend your time being judgemental and rude, eventually people will not want you around. Macey has burnt her bridges with you and your sister, and that's on her. Don't let her and your brother guilt you for her bad behavior.