'AITA for not leaving my pregnant wife to be with my daughter during emergency surgery?' UPDATED

"AITA for not leaving my pregnant wife to be with my daughter during emergency surgery?"

I can't sleep and I need outside perspective. I'm 38M, my ex-wife Nadine is 39F, our daughter Cassie is 19F. My wife Alina 36F is due with our child due any day now. This is her first pregnancy and her mother is here to help us and be present for the birth.

Even so, Alina is mildly stressed and uncomfortable just waiting for our baby to arrive. She has anxiety regarding hospitals and is anxious about the thought of my not being there with her.

Trouble is, just over an hour ago, Nadine called from the emergency room. Cassie is undergoing an emergency appendectomy (still in the operating room as I type) and is expected to be in the hospital for at least a few days. Nadine has her mother with her for support, and when I spoke with Nadine's mother, she asked me when I was flying in.

Delicately, I explained that I couldn't leave my wife when our baby is to arrive at any moment. When my ex-MIL began all but shrieking and calling me the heartless devil (charming I know) she then threatened to cut me off from updates about Cassie.

Luckily Nadine wrestled her phone out of ex-MIL's hand and promised to call me back. But before we could speak again, my ex-MIL and one of my ex-SIL's began bombarding me with messages and voice mails calling me a horrible father for choosing an unborn baby over my daughter during an emergency.

Nadine is even more stressed trying to damage control and while I know that she understands that I can't come right now (she outright told that there's no way she would even let me think of leave my wife right now) I feel guilty her support is gone because of her mother and crazy sister. I just know that I will wake up with a full inbox because of my ex-in laws.

Alina is still asleep and I don't want to wake her and stress her more right now. I haven't posted here before so I thought I would give it a shot. AITA?

(Almost forgot I am in a different state than Cassie and Nadine my apologies.)

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

[deleted] said:

NTA. Appendectomies are routine procedures, so unless your daughter has some underlying risks, she should sail through and be in the hospital recovering for no more than a day or two before discharge. You want to be there, Nadine knows you wish you could be there, and your daughter will know that you are thinking of her, because you are going to send a huge flower bouquet to her room with a note.

In the meantime, you have to be there when your child is born - you only get one shot at that, and if you aren’t there it will be long remembered. Let Alina sleep, call your daughter tomorrow and send the flowers. Rest easy, papa.

OP responded:

Flowers and a cookie bouquet. She loves cookie bouquets. And when I am more awake I want to plan a care package for her recovery at home with her mom.

I hate feeling powerless during a difficult time, but I know Cassie will ultimately understand.

dehydratedrain said:

NTA. Her mom and grandmother are both there already, and you can't risk flying out of state when you could miss your child's birth. Just make sure to check in on Cassie whenever possible. Nadine sounds like a good mom if she's got your back against the evil MIL.

And pineboxwaiting said:

NTA Unless you have reason to believe that Cassie might die, you can’t leave your wife right now.

He later shared this update:

Good news! Cassie is going home soon. I spoke with her around 6 this morning after she woke up, and aside from the obvious aches, she's in high spirits! I did tell her that I was sorry for not being there, but she said that her mom was a champion and not to worry about it. Cassie also joked that my jumping on a plane would have definitely made Alina's water break.

I love Cassie so much. She's so smart, funny and empathetic. Nadine jokes that I gave her good looks and she gave her good brains. We may not have worked out as a couple, but our daughter is the best thing that happened to us.

Once again, thank you everyone for your comments. I was really doubting myself last night because my ex-MIL always seems to find fault in my choices. I still need to unlearn how to ignore her when major issues come up. I did uninstall Facebook for now, so I can ignore ex-MIL and ex-SIL until the dust settles. I also blocked them temporarily.

Alina and I are now putting together a care package for Nadine and Cassie, and it sending overnight delivery. I hope that every parent who has been in a rock and a hard place, can forgive themselves for things that we can't always control. If I could have been there and back in seconds, I would have done it.

I do hope that the next time an emergency happens, teleportation will have been a successful invention. Mr. Scott, beam me up!