'AITA for not letting my husband and child drink from my cup or eat from my plate?'
"AITA for not letting my husband and child drink from my cup or eat from my plate?"
I absolutely hate people picking off my plate or using my cup. Lately, my two-year-old has started trying to pick food out of my plate with his fingers. He’s obsessed with my water bottle and if I put it within reach he takes it and drinks out of it.
I don’t mind sharing my food, as in putting some of it on his plate for him, but I’m just not wanting anyone putting their fingers in my food or backwashing in my water bottle. My husband has now also started eating out of serving dishes or trying to use my fork.
He’s seen that I try to teach our son “this is mama’s plate, this is your plate. We can share but you can’t take food from my plate." My husband says I’m being a germaphobe and that we are family and we should all share, but I’ve never been a sharer of utensils and as much as I love love love our family, I’ve gotten enough viruses from my son to know better.
I also think it’s important for a child to know boundaries, they can’t just take other people’s food, and a grown man should know he can’t drink out of a milk carton or eat from a serving dish. My husband said I’m being selfish and OCD about it and asked how I can look at our son and say no to him when he wants to share. Now I feel like a jerk. AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
frope_a_nope said:
Once watched a family of 4 eat the same breakfast sandwich. Mom was trying to eat her sandwich, kid 1 grabbed her hand and then took a slobbery bite. Kid 2 felt left out, had his slobbery bite. Dad had a nibble- he thought it was adorbs! And mom was left with a mangled sandwich. She was at kid #3’s sporting event and had limited options. She threw the rest out. NTA.
Maddie24Kennedy said:
NTA - you shouldn’t have to be teaching your husband the same lessons you’re teaching your two year old.
707Mendolandia said:
NTA - kids are disgusting. I say that lovingly as I have two of my own. I don’t share drinks with anyone because I got mono and spent 6 months in bed. I just prefer to not share things and I think that’s a fair boundary to have.
radditorbiker said:
NTA. You're trying to teach your child proper table manners, and your husband is undermining you. Your boundaries are important and should be respected, and your kid should learn now not to take without asking.
windblown-homegrown said:
NTA. All you have to say is, "I absolutely hate people picking off my plate," to justify not letting people, even little people, pick off of your plate. Who cares if it makes sense to any other human on earth. It is not hurting anyone for you to have that boundary. If your husband wants to let the child eat off of his plate so be it.
She can learn to differentiate between the two of you easy enough to know who is ok with it and who is not. What is more detrimental is a partner refusing to acknowledge and respect your boundary in front of her.
Tess408 said:
NTA. I think it's often easier for dads to not feel the need for boundaries since they are more likely to get time away from the kids. Add in breastfeeding and it's a recipe for an overwhelmed momma.
Even if mom works full time and doesn't breastfeed, she is entitled to teach her children to respect her boundaries. Sure, when a baby smacks us and pulls our hair, we can't expect to teach them immediately, but teaching age appropriate boundaries is healthy and normal.
Also, mom is entitled to her own plate, water bottle, and utensils. Sure, lots of parents might be fine with sharing, but that's their choice and their boundaries. Some people get sick easily and if you're like me, it knocks you down harder than it does others. It's not reasonable to expect others to take unnecessary risks like that.
I swear sometimes it's like mothers don't get the privilege of being a whole adult anymore while they are expected to take care of everyone else. It's B. Anyone else remember that offhand line in A Christmas Story "Mom hadn't had a hot meal in years."