"AITA for not letting a kid eat my food?"
The other day I was at the mall with my boyfriend and our two kids (F5 and M6), we were sitting eating a bag of roasted chestnuts when this kid (around 10 yo) starts hovering around us.
Now, I admit I'm not the biggest fan of any kid that doesn’t belong to me, so this alone was already annoying me slightly but I still smiled to him. Then he calls my son over and whispers in his ear, and I knew it was about the chestnuts.
My son nods yes and the boy comes up to me and reaches for a chestnut, I moved bag and said "no, you have to go ask your parents". My boyfriend got upset, called me rude and handed a chestnut to the boy.
The boy leaves and I tell my boyfriend he shouldn't have done that, that you don't just give food to a strange kid. The boy then hovers back around us and without a word snatches two chestnuts from the bag that my boyfriend was now holding.
I stand up and said very firmly "sorry but you can't take our stuff like that, go to your parents".
He put them back and ran off.
I think the kid had no manners and I wasn't gonna let my kids think it's okay to accept anything from strangers, or that it's okay to be pressured into sharing. My boyfriend doesn’t agree and thinks the kid trusted us because we had kids ourselves. He thinks I was just selfish. So, AITA?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
NTA. Your boyfriend could have killed the kid. How does your boyfriend know the kid is not allergic to nuts? Absolutely never give food to kids without talking to the parents first.
NTA.. definitely that’s just basic common sense. You never know what allergies a kid might have.
NTA - especially since it was nuts! Reckless of your boyfriend.
MurderSheReads (OP)
I told him that! He said he didn't think about that, but that I was still too harsh to tell him to go away.
I'm allergic to chestnuts. Luckily, I know that. I found the hard way but was fortunate that I was close to medical professionals at the time who saved my life. Your boyfriend was reckless and could have killed him.
I’m also going to add that you should never give any food to a child without their parents’ clearance. My cousin’s kid is a diabetic and when she was first diagnosed her sugar levels were all over the place and it was difficult for my cousin to monitor/treat. She thinks her daughter may have been sneaking food.
NTA - you have no idea if this kid might be allergic or if his parents want him having this food. It is also dangerous that this boy thinks it is ok to take things from strangers. I would have handled it by asking him to take to his parents and then maybe giving him one with their approval as a lesson to everyone, but you certainly were not in the wrong for simply saying no.
NTA - FFS, don't give food to some random kid, especially if there's a parent around. Especially things that can cause severe allergic reactions like nuts! (Note: Apparently chestnuts aren't as dangerous allergy-wise as other tree nuts - I just looked it up. Still doesn't make this a good idea.)
Your boyfriend's behavior is giving me the ick. He was nasty towards you and defensive and proud of his ignorance.
My first though echoes others- nut allergies are no joke and I would not want to be responsible for a kid having a reaction- especially when I don’t know him.
But honestly, whether it was chestnuts or French fries or candy- you are NTA for not wanting to share your food with a strange child. I would have politely declined and (when the stranger was out of earshot) used this as a teaching moment for my own children on strangers and manners.
Well, NTA. Has no one heard of nut allergies? If you don't know the kid, that's a huge risk. Plus as you pointed out, he needs to learn to avoid strangers without his parents/ guardian nearby.
NTA - What if it turned out the kid was allergic to chestnuts? You'd be responsible. We had a similar situation (not food-related) when we were kayaking at our neighborhood pond.
We came back to shore for lunch, and a local kid (about the same age, 10'ish) approached us asking if he could take one of our kayaks out. I said no, his parents weren't with him, and I would need their consent before I'd let him take one out by himself. There was no way I was going to take that risk.
NTA. My first thought aligns with others in regard to nut allergies. I don't know how common roasted chestnuts are as a snack where you are. But at least in the USA, I wouldn't give some random kid one.
Ten is old enough to know what they're allergic to. But chestnuts aren't that common here. They could very well ask for one (roasted chestnuts smell crazy good) without even they're allergic to it. I'm not risking it.
Putting that aside, you're right in not wanting your kids to repeat this behavior. It's no good to take or ask for food from others without any parental supervision. Your son should also learn to consult with you before saying "yes" to a kid asking for something of yours.
You have no idea what that child may be allergic to. So I wouldn’t share with a strange child either. You have no idea if that child may be sick. So I wouldn’t share with an unknown child either. Where were this child’s parents? Did your kid know this child? Strange interaction to me as I was taught to never accept anything from strangers. NTA.