'AITA for not letting my baby step-niece into my room? I pulled her high chair away from my table.'

"AITA for not letting my 1-year-old step-niece into my room and for pulling her high chair away from the table?"

I (21NB) live with my mom and stepfather. My room is messy, largely because I lack proper storage for my books and belongings. I also keep my door open for my cat, Boris, as his food, water, and litter box are in my room.

The issue is my stepsister’s visits with her 1-year-old daughter, Allie (fake name). Allie loves Boris, but he is clearly uncomfortable with her loud, eager approaches and always runs away. Since he retreats to my room, she follows him in there.

Allie touches everything, grabbing trinkets, going for my plushies (many are expensive, limited edition, or deeply sentimental), and risking damage to my school laptop or textbooks. I’m worried she’ll break something or choke. I’ve repeatedly told my family I don’t want Allie in my room. My mom dismisses me, saying I should just clean my room, which is difficult without proper storage.

There’s hypocrisy, too; she warns me to keep Allie away from Boris’ blankets due to cat hair, but has no issue with her rolling on my fur-covered bed. Once, I closed my door to create a safe space for Boris and protect my things. Allie cried because she couldn’t get to the cat, and my mom acted like I was being cruel.

The final straw was a mealtime incident. Allie constantly tests boundaries by putting her feet on the table. I calmly told her if she did it again, I’d move her chair. She did, so I followed through, pulling her high chair back so her feet couldn’t reach. She cried. Later, my mom criticized my “attitude,” saying I should have “at least smiled” to make it seem nicer.

I disagree; I believe discipline should be calm and consistent, not turned into a game.

Now I’m being painted as the bad guy for setting boundaries. I don’t hate Allie; I just want to protect my cat and my possessions. AITA for trying to set a boundary?

Not long after posting, OP shared two updates.

Edit: I should probably clarify that my room is messy in the sense that my things are untidy on my desk, and bedside tables. The floor is mostly clean as I do vaccuum clean it to try and not build up litter that Boris spreads, and the bedsheets are changed every two weeks.

I am 21 and still in high school, yes, I got held back and changed courses a few times, this is my last year of high school (it's also common for young legal adults to be still taking classes/finishing their studies in high school). After getting paid from my internship I will look into shelves and ways to properly store my things.

Edit 2: I should probably clarify that Allie isn't just one year old, really closer to two at the time I posted this. Allie also lives with a bunny and a big dog, though the bunny is barely out of the cage and the dog is also heavily supervised when with Allie because it is of a potentially dangerous dog breed.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Wise-matter9248 wrote:

I definitely don't think it's okay to let a toddler chase a cat. That's a situation that will end a lot worse for baby than it will for cat. As far as the table. It really depends on how firm you were. A baby doesn't always understand boundaries, and are testing things because that's how they learn. However, they also cry when they don't get their way, so a crying toddler isn't always an indication that you were too harsh.

OP responded:

I don't think I was harsh, just stern? Then again, baby's mother didn't tell me anything, it was my mom that had a problem with my actions.

FantasticBoot7205 wrote:

NTA - I’m sure when the cat gives her a good scratch they’ll complain.

OP responded:

That will be my "I told you so" moment.

Medusa_7898 wrote:

Get a baby gate for your bedroom. The cat can enter and exit but the little tyrant cannot.

OP responded:

Good idea.

PavlovaToes wrote:

ESH. You're not wrong for wanting your room to be off limits to Allie. But you are wrong for trying to discipline and parent her based on what YOU think she should do. It's not your house, it's not your child.

And everyone else is wrong too for expecting you to just give up your room and let her in, especially if it's dangerous. You should definitely clean it though...especially your bed being "covered" in cat hair...I have 2 cats and even I find that disgusting.

OP responded:

I keep the floor as clean as possible with a cat constantly spreading litter around, and I change the bed around every two weeks.

sk7882 wrote:

NTA. You'll have to defer to the child's parent (or in this case, your step-dad, as he's the one standing in parentally when she's at your house) when it comes to disciplinary style, I'm afraid -- that's just how that goes -- but there's no good reason that step-niece should have access to either your room or the poor cat just because she wants it.

I think that you need to raise that issue again with your mom. You should be allowed to declare your room off-limits to the kid. Getting a lock for your bedroom door would be a good idea too, but you're going to have to persuade your mom of your right and need to privacy first, I think, otherwise that will just be another argument.

OP responded:

All doors in the apartment have locks, my stepfather only has a small rule that disallows locking the doors.

aj_alva wrote:

ESH. You are obviously not wrong for wanting to protect your room and your cat - but it is not your job to teach someone else's kid boundaries. Close your door to protect your cat and your peace. Otherwise, let Allie learn the hard way - and mom and grandma because they are going to create a monster.

OP responded:

Wouldn't be the first time my mother's parenting screwed up a kid.

No_baby_7478 wrote:

My best advice here is to simply close the bedroom when she is over, let the cat roam free throughout the house while this is happening and he will find a place to hide if she really gets to be too much.

She is 1 years old she doesn’t know any better and it’s your parents house so as much as it sucks that they won’t help out they don’t have to, if you just want things to go smoothly and avoid future situations like this that’s your best bet.

OP responded:

Honestly, I tried that once but the cat started scratching the door because he wanted to use his litter box as it is in my room. Plus, he's a big one and doesn't have a lot of places to hide besides my room.

United-Signature-414 wrote:

ESH. Your family sucks for expecting you to allow a baby into your room. Your space should be your own and your cst deserves to be safe. But you suck for trying to discipline table manners into a baby that isn't yours. It's barely developmentally appropriate for that age and it's weirdly overstepping if you don't already have a super close relationship.