"AITA for not letting my best friend take advantage of me?"
My best friend Diane and I have known each other since elementary school. Diane is dating Roy, he has two teens who stay with him half of the time. I'll refer to them as Diane's step kids. Now on to the issue.
I'm getting married in six months. My fiance lives in another state and I’ll be moving to live with him. I own a condo, fully paid off, and I’m keeping it so I have a place to stay when I come back for work meetings and visiting family.
My fiance also has family here, so I estimate we will be back here every other month, more or less. Diane agreed to hold an emergency key, in case maintenance needs to access my condo. I thought I had everything settled until two weeks ago.
Diane and I met for lunch and she says she has a proposal for me. Her stepson goes to college near my condo. She says it would be good if stepson condo-sat for me. That way I wouldn't have to worry about the place when I'm not there. He would pay me a small stipend each month to cover any wear or tear.
He will stay with his father whenever I'm in town. She says it will be a win-win situation as I will be making a little bit of income on an apartment that would otherwise be empty. In a split second, I imagined all the liabilities I’d be exposed to by having a very social college kid living unsupervised in my home. Coming home and having to clean up behind him, complaints from neighbors, and my poor bed.
Nope. Honestly, just the idea of anyone living in my home when I'm not there is unappealing. So I thanked my friend for the idea and told her I just didn't want anyone living in my condo. I wanted to be able to come and go as I pleased without worrying about it. She kept pushing the issue, telling me why it is a great idea, with me telling her no and reasons why.
Finally, she said that on the basis of our friendship would I at least think about it overnight. I told her that she was basically asking me to take on a tenant and all the financial and legal responsibilities that come with it. So if she truly believed this was a good idea, she and her boyfriend will have to sign a contract making them financially responsible for any and all liabilities.
She asked why did she have to be on the contract. I said I was only asking of her what she was asking of me. She got quiet. I told her to think about it and get back to me. Roy later called me and said he would be willing to sign the contract. I said Diane would have to sign it too, as she is the only reason why I am considering it. I then explained to him why I wanted to keep the apartment empty.
He told me Diane came to him with the idea and said she would talk to me about it, he wouldn’t have bothered with it if he knew the full story. It was a pleasant conversation. The next day Diane called and said that I embarrassed her to her boyfriend. I told her if she had just respected that I was not interested in her proposal, we would not have had this problem. AITA in how I handled this?
EDIT: To be clear, I did not give her the key yet. I was going to give it to her closer to when I was going to move. I do not plan on giving her the key anymore.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Caligrlnva wrote:
NTA. You may want to change your locks though. She already has a key and might give him access anyway, like “I thought once you could see how great it is you wouldn’t mind or would change your mind” or something.
OP responded:
I didn't give her the key yet. I was going to hand it over closer to when I moved.
Tamstrong wrote:
NTA. And after all that mess, I'd no longer feel comfortable with her having the emergency key.
OP responded:
I never gave it to her. I was going to hand it over closer to me moving.
Moondream6 wrote:
NTA, it all makes sense. You trust her of course, but she's not living there. A young college boy is living there, one you don't know very well and don't trust very much. If they won't agree to you protecting something you worked hard to acquire, then you won't rent your home to a college tenant on "faith, and trust". I wouldn't do it either.
OP responded:
She said she would make sure he kept the apartment clean, etc. But what would happen if she broke up with Roy? Then I would be stuck basically supplementing someone else's college kid.
Big-Lab9018 wrote:
NTA at all. You said no multiple times, she kept pushing, and the second you put actual responsibility on her suddenly it wasn’t such a “win win” anymore. She’s only embarrassed because your contract suggestion made it clear she wanted you to take all the risk so her stepson could get cheap housing.
OP responded:
And what is funny, the "stipend" he offered to pay is only 25% of what the rental value would be. It would not even cover the monthly maintenance charges.
baka-tari wrote:
Without a contract, you could be in for all sorts of shenanigans like squatter’s rights, etc. If Diane really wants to pursue this, she should want to pursue it in a legally sound manner.
Your initial response of “no tenants” was solid, and your alternative solution makes sense - you want to reduce your risk as much as possible. You told Roy the same thing you told Diane, so if anyone was embarrassing Diane, it was her for not telling Roy all the details. NTA.
OP responded:
She tried to say that he wouldn't be a tenant, he would be a "condo-sitter" so I would not be liable for his actions. Ha! She changed her tune when I brought up the contract.
allonestring wrote:
NTA. I do hope that you've found someone else to keep the spare key.
OP responded:
Yes, I asked someone else. I'll hand it over closer to my move.