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'AITA for not letting my estranged father's wife hold my son?'

'AITA for not letting my estranged father's wife hold my son?'


AITA for not letting my estranged father's wife hold my son?


I (26m) have been estranged from my father for 16 years. After my mom died he just left. He didn't even take me someplace safe. He walked out of the house and didn't come back.

He missed her funeral and he wasn't around to take care of me or anything afterward. I was taken in by my uncle (my mom's brother) and he finished raising me. My father's family remained a part of my life and I have a few good relationships with them.

Two years ago my father reconciled with some of the members of his family but not all (including me who has not spoken to him since I was 10). I have seen him twice before this weekend when I saw him for a third time.

This time his wife was also with him. It was at a party for one of my cousins. My aunt, aka cousins mom, invited them. My wife and I were also there and so was our 7 week old son.

While my cousin (the birthday girl), my wife and I were talking my father's wife approached and introduced herself and she said she could not wait to be a grandma and asked to hold my son. I told her she could not.

She was all smiles up to then but the smile fell and she asked me why. I told her I didn't let random strangers hold my son. She told me she's not a random stranger, she's his grandmother. My cousin stepped in and moved her along.

My cousin was like wtf with my wife and me. We did our best to stay out of my father's wife's way afterward. But she came over again as we were leaving and asked to hold my son again. I told her no yet again.

My aunt (birthday cousins mom) was also present and the two of them told me I was being harsh and to let her hold the baby. She told me I'm treating her like a criminal. I told her I was treating her like the random stranger that she is.

My cousin heard the end of it and scolded her mom and my father's wife when we were gone and called me to apologize for what happened. I apologized to her for having that play out at her birthday.

My aunt gave my father's wife my number and the two of them told me I behaved childishly and I should consider my son and what is best for him. And how I treated this innocent woman poorly. AITA?

Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:


In what world is she 'grandma'? What did she do to earn that title other than marry a deadbeat? There has been no explanation from your 'dad', there has been no apology and therefore there has been no forgiveness.

There has been no reconciliation. Therefore there is no relationship, with either of them, and she has brass balls to pretend otherwise. Your dad can't even call himself a dad, much less granddad, so she's doubly wrong. Grandma who? Grandma where?

I love how she thinks she can just stroll over and demand to hold someone's baby. She's lucky you remained calm when she asked again. Her entitlement isn't endearing. At all.

"My aunt gave my father's wife my number and the two of them told me I behaved childishly and I should consider my son and what is best for him. And how I treated this innocent woman poorly."

An 'innocent woman' wouldn't pester a practical stranger to hold their child. Not a second time, at least. She knew exactly what she was doing. She MUST know you have no relationship with your father.

She must know you don't talk. Your aunt needs a timeout as well, because she has violated you twice by giving this random woman your number when I'm sure she knows quite well that you would never have chosen to give it to her, and by harassing you with nonsense. They're both disrespectful. I would block both of them and be on my merry way. NTA.


NTA. The baby is 7 weeks. No one is will be holding my 7 week baby that’s not immediate family. I don’t know if you are sick or something. And that’s not immediate family. I would have said “how can you be a grandmother when I don’t even consider that sperm donor that left me an orphan as my father”



"I should consider my son and what is best for him"

Response: 'I can only assume you will bail when my son turns 10. I'm not allowing the next generation to be treated how I was'.


NTA. Your dad gave up being your dad the second he left you as a 10-year-old kid to fend for yourself. He doesn't get to walk back in now and play doting grandfather, nor does the new wife he's found. She is no one to you, and the sooner she understands that her fantasy of being the grandma to your newborn are completely unfounded, the better.


NTA. Look, I was kinda with her initially giving her grace that maybe she didn't have the full/true story from your dad but the nerve to come back and ask??? You got it right the first time. I'd downgrade her/him from random stranger to person to avoid.


NTA. I’m petty. I’d tell her she could hold your son after her husband pays 16 years worth of cost of living, extra curricular, birthday/ Easter/ Christmas presents, therapy bills, to both you and your uncle (who RAISED YOU) and grovels convincingly enough for you to consider rebuilding a relationship.

Upon which the baby holding will be once you’ve decided they’ve earned the title of grandparents (could take years by which time the baby may have their own baby). But you owe her nothing. Because she is nothing to you.

And I’d tell your aunt that if she ever gives out your number to anyone again without your permission you’ll cut her out of your life for safety. I’m sorry you went through everything you have. Best of luck with the crazy. Just snuggle your baby boy and enjoy the quickly passing time with him.

So, what do you think about this one? If you could give the OP any advice here, what would you tell them?

Sources: Reddit
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