'AITA for not letting my father-in-law take home my wife’s mayonnaise?'

"AITA for not letting my father-in-law take home my wife’s mayonnaise?"

This happened last night when my wife (35) and I (30 M) had plans to get together with both of our families and have dinner at our house. We have biweekly hang outs so this isn’t anything special. We made burgers with a few sides (mashed potatoes, mac n cheese, steamed veggies, and fries.) that people could choose from.

My wife is the main cook in the house and has always been a fan of it since she was a child, so she makes delicious meals all of the time with outstanding ingredients. Last night, she made swiss cheese burgers with homemade mayo sauce (minced garlic, finely chopped onion, pepper, salt, and italian seasoning) paired with lettuce or basil, whichever a family member prefers :)

Our families rave over her cooking, especially her parents. Her father has took home leftovers before since we would not only cook a decent amount, but because as said, her parents love her food that much (I can’t blame them because I eat what we save as leftovers every single time hahaha).

When her and I were cleaning up and putting away the food for leftovers, her father asked if he could take home my wife’s tub of homemade mayo sauce since he thinks it’ll pair well with the food he eats (mainly a bunch of meats, her dad is a huge grill guy), and my wife told him no, that she’s saving it for when she needs it for other dinners.

The tub isn’t even a regular sized mayonnaise jar, it’s a one gallon sized container because she stocks in bulk with not only singular ingredients, but when she makes homemade foods such as sauces, she will bulk up on it like it’s no tomorrow because she knows she’ll use it all in about a month and a half to two months.

Her father said that she couldn’t possibly need the entire container if she’s only used what looks like a fourth of it and that he’d make sure it’s used, but my wife told him basically what I just said, that she stocks up because she knows she’ll use it.

She also told him that if he took it for himself, then she would have to go out to buy more ingredients which would be a waste of money. He scoffed and said that what she buys is cheap anyway, that him taking the sauce wouldn’t hurt our bank accounts.

He then opened the fridge, took out the gallon container, and searched around our cabinets for storage containers (while we were asking him what he was doing, he just didn’t bother to answer which was irritating). He got a medium sized plastic container and a spoon from our utensil drawer. I asked him what he was doing and he started untwisting the gallon’s lid to dip out some.

He told me that since he won’t be able to take the whole gallon home, he’ll scoop out a good portion for him and my mother in law. I could tell that my wife seemed pissed off over this, and I was already on my breaking point because I can’t stand when someone doesn’t want another person to do something and that person completely disregards their pleads.

I told him with a stern tone, yet you could clearly tell I was frustrated, “(Father in law’s name), (wife’s name) said no. It’s literally that simple and for you to disregard her request to not take HER food is actually fucking ridiculous.

If you scoop any of it out then I won’t have you, (mother in law’s name), or (wife’s siblings’ names) over again. Then you truly won’t be able to have any homemade sauces! We really… don’t need people disrespecting us even if they think it’s not a big deal.”

My mother in law came in as I was speaking to him, she stated that I’m an ungrateful host because my wife’s father just appreciates his daughter’s cooking so much, and he backed her up, but I said “We both appreciate that, but when someone doesn’t want you to do something, why the fuck do it? That’s like… a basic following that a child in kindergarten can even comprehend.”

Both of them just scoffed, grabbed their things, and left. My wife doesn’t have an issue with what I said, but I personally am. Was I being too harsh? It’s really not like it’d be a huge deal if someone wanted a bit of my wife’s homemade foods or ingredients, but he didn’t even ask and when we both explained to him why he couldn’t have any, he still disregarded it and tried to get some.

I think what I’m ticked off at was the disrespect towards his own fully grown daughter, I’m ticked off at my mother in law and what she said to me too. How can I be ungrateful when he was the one who was being disrespectful? My wife got a text about an hour ago from her mom saying, “We’ll have to rethink if we come to Thanksgiving. If we do, make sure (my name) isn’t there.

A shame we couldn’t get a grab of the mayo!!” She hasn’t responded to it, but she’s baffled by it and so am I. All of this because my mother in law’s husband decided to act childish. Am I the asshole for the way I responded and for now causing this drama? What should my wife and I do about her parents?

Edit: For anyone wondering/asking, it’s not homemade mayonnaise! She buys store bought in bulk so it can last a longer time so she won’t have to keep buying or worry about having to use x amount in x amount of time :)

This is what people had to say to OP:

Khabuem said:

NTA. Your wife said no, simple as that. Her father was disrespectful and childish. He caused the drama and her mother is continuing it. You simply stood up for your wife when she was being bullied.

Flaky_Walrus_668 said:

NTA. Respond with: "Sorry that FIL was unable to understand a simple "no". He is not welcome in our home until he apologises and promises not to attempt to steal anything while he visits. If you agree with his approach then you are not welcome either.

We love hosting and will really miss you if you can't come for the holidays, and it would be a shame if you can't enjoy more of wife's cooking because FIL tried to be greedy last time. We look forward to the apology and resuming how things were."

Needs_Perspective269 said:

NTA . Enjoy Thanksgiving without them. Your FIL is a jerk. You said all the right things and backed up your wife.

madluv4u said:

Yes!!! An actual husband who backs up his wife!!! 🙌🤝

And JadedByFire said:

NTA. I’d wager they’ve walked all over her boundaries in the past and will continue to do so in the future unless you, as you did, put your foot down and stand up for her.

She can always tell them (if she is so inclined) that she will make some for them next time she prepares it, if and ONLY IF, they buy the ingredients for their portion. So what if they don’t come to Thanksgiving? Their loss.