'AITA for not letting my half sister wear anything of my mom's on her wedding day?' 'She feels hated.'
"AITA for not letting my half sister wear anything of my mom's on her wedding day?"
I (30f) have a half sister (23f) who'll be getting married sometime in 2025. Half sister is my dad's child. She's actually the child he had after an affair while married to my mom. My parents divorced when my mom learned dad had cheated on her and things became more tense after she found out the person he cheated with had gotten pregnant.
My dad told her that the other woman was out of the picture and my mom could have a second child she always wanted and we could be a family. I was there for part of the conversation because dad wanted me to "be excited for a sibling" and thought it would win my mom over.
My mom stood firm with dad. Dad would tell my half sister that we had the same mom. He'd talk like that around me and tell me to shut it when I told him to stop lying. He also told me mom could be a kind person and step up for a child who had no mother (according to him, the affair partner found someone else to be the affair partner of and didn't want to know my half sister).
When I was 11 my mom died. So I went to live with dad. About a year later dad got married. But even after he got married he taught my half sister that my mom was her mom.
I'll say whatever hope we had of a relationship was ended by my dad doing this, because she wouldn't believe me when I told her she had a different mom and she hated me for not giving her photos and stuff of mom's and for not making my family acknowledge her as their granddaughter like I was acknowledged.
My dad's wife never became mom to my half sister even though she admitted to desperately wanting one because she was so hung up on my mom. Mom left me everything and my grandparents took care of the stuff for me until I became independent.
I wore some of mom's wedding jewelry on my wedding day as well as her veil. I didn't invite my dad or any of his family, including half sister. But she saw photos. So she reached out to me on social media and told me she wanted some of mom's stuff for her wedding and I said no.
She told me now is not the time to be selfish, and I told her she's entitled to nothing and she'll have to find other things to wear. She called me names and I told her dad should really have admitted the truth to her by now. She said she didn't know why I was so adamant she wasn't mom's kid, and it's not fair because I got to be raised by mom for 11 years while she got nothing and for no reason at all.
Afterward my dad's wife reached out and told me how upset my half sister was and asked me to please consider giving something because dad really f'd her over and she feels hated by mom and by me. My half sister messaged again after this and told me I was being really unfair to her and how I made mom's abandonment of her even worse. AITA?
EDIT:
Making clear: My mom never met my half sister/vice versa. My mom did not want to meet her or be in her life.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
muse273 said:
NTA. Tell her you’d be happy to let her have something if a DNA test shows you’re full siblings. If she’s so certain, that should be a great offer. Make sure Dad’s nearby so you can watch him try to figure out how to stop it.
(The funniest outcome, given the affair partner apparently moved on to another affair immediately, would be finding out you’re not siblings at all). ETA: I guess I should clarify that this scenario would mostly be funny because it would be a huge middle finger to by far the most gaping asshole in this scenario, dad. It would still suck for the sister.
Rough-Lingonberry12 said:
NTA but has she never seen her birth certificate? Surely her mother is named on there? I second what a lot of people are saying, tell her if she gets a DNA test proving you’re maternal siblings then you’ll share some of your mother’s stuff with her. Since that’s impossible she’ll have to face facts.
callmesillysally said:
NTA. It’s best if you not lend her any of your mom’s things as there’s a high chance that you’ll never see them again. It’s unfortunate that your dad lied to her for so many years but she’s old enough to understand the situation now. It’s not your responsibility to heal wounds that you didn’t make.
EbonyDoe said:
NTA she's not your moms kid and thus isn't entitled to ANYTHING of your mothers. Just because she's so hung up on your dad's lies doesn't change the fact that she was no relation to your mom. Personally I'd just block her and be done with it.
canyonemoon said:
NTA. Your dad has messed your sister up for life, but hopefully a DNA test will get her to back off of you. I cannot fathom why both your father and his new wife would rather feed and build up her delusion and harm you in the process than tell her the truth and get her the help she'll need in the aftermath.
Though I guess it's easier to make her harass you instead of being a responsible parent. Your dad's a selfish AH, your sister's a delusional AH. And never share any of your mum's stuff with her. I hope they don't know where you live either.
hellcoach said:
NTA. Your dad sucks for making and continuing the lie. And your half-sister too for still believing you have the same mother even if she should know better by now. Maybe you can dare with her to a DNA test.
DreamingofRlyeh said:
NTA. Your mother made it clear she wanted nothing to do with your half-sister, and didn't want her to have anything of hers.