Woman's infertile MIL suggests that they 'share her twins,' suggests she should raise one. AITA? + UPDATE
"AITA for not letting my infertile MIL be a part of my twin's birth?"
Okay, so this is a bit complicated, but hear me out. I (29F) am married to my husband (30M), and we’ve been trying for a baby for about 3 years. After a long, emotional journey, we finally found out that we’re having twins! My husband and I were ecstatic, and we immediately started planning everything for the arrival of our little ones.
Now, here’s where the problem started: my mother-in-law (46F) has been struggling with infertility for over a decade. She’s openly talked about it for years, and although I sympathize with her pain, she’s always been kind of... aggressive about it. I’ve tried to support her, but there’s only so much I can do. Anyway, when I announced that I was pregnant with twins, she completely lost it.
She started demanding that I “share” my babies with her because she said she deserved to experience motherhood again in some way. She even suggested that I let her raise one of the twins or that I’d be "selfish" if I didn’t. She’s said this more than once, and each time, it felt like she was crossing a line. This will be important later.
As if that wasn’t bad enough, my wedding was around the same time as my baby shower. I had always planned a simple ceremony with my closest friends and family, but of course, my mother-in-law had to weigh in on everything.
She insisted that the dress code for my wedding should be “formal and elegant,” but she showed up in a white dress, clearly trying to overshadow me on my big day. When I called her out on it, she told me that “white is the color of motherhood” and that I was being petty for making it about me. It felt like she was trying to steal the spotlight at every opportunity.
Fast forward to my baby shower. She continued to be insistent on taking one of my twins, saying things like, “I’d be a much better mother than you, I deserve it,” and “What kind of person wouldn’t want to share the joy of their babies?” My husband tried to step in, but she shut him down and said it was his fault for “not controlling his wife.”
After a heated argument, I told her I was done. She was not welcome in the hospital when I gave birth, and she wouldn’t be allowed to hold my babies, ever. Now, all my friends and family are blowing up my phone, saying I was too harsh and that I should’ve handled it more delicately. Some even think I should apologize for not letting her be part of my children’s lives in a meaningful way.
So, AITA for not letting my infertile mother-in-law be a part of my twins' birth after everything she said and did? Or should I have just swallowed my pride and let her be involved?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
NTA. You should be getting a restraining order. Lady is cuckoo, she needs professional help.
Not going to lie, it sounds like MIL is going to try to kidnap the babies or call cps to try to get custody. Op should document everything, get a restraining order, and make it clear her kids are in no way shape or form around MIL. NTA OP, and beware of MIL's tricks that are sure to come.
NTA - And what else does your husband say? Why won't he stand up to her? She's clearly not okay in the head!!!!
Remember the last one where the grandma let herself in the house with her key and took the baby while the momma was sleeping?
ETA - Update Me!
The next day, the OP returned with an update.
Thank you all for the overwhelming support, tough love, and genuinely helpful advice. I read as many comments as I could, and I’ve taken a lot of your suggestions to heart. Here’s what’s happened since my last post:
First, my husband and I agreed that MIL is completely cut off. She is blocked on everything—our phones, social media, and even email. We also changed the locks on our house because some of you pointed out that she might try to break in or steal something. Paranoia? Maybe. But after everything she’s said, I’m not taking chances.
We also installed security cameras around the house, including a video doorbell, so we can monitor any unwanted visitors. I refuse to wake up one day and find her rocking one of my babies in the living room.
Now, onto the hospital situation—she is 100% banned from the delivery room. I spoke with my doctor and hospital staff, and they are fully on board. Her name is on a list of people who absolutely cannot enter. If she tries to sneak in, security will escort her out. Here’s where things get even messier.
Guess who suddenly decided to pop back into my life? My absentee father. Yep. The man who dipped out when I was a kid resurfaced out of nowhere after hearing about my pregnancy.
Apparently, he thinks now is a great time to play “proud grandpa” despite never giving a damn about me growing up. He even had the audacity to ask if he could be in the delivery room. I shut that down so fast I’m surprised he didn’t get whiplash. But wait, there’s more. Let me introduce you to my sister-in-law. Or as I like to call her, the final boss of entitlement.
This woman is the kind of person who treats every situation as a competition, especially when it comes to attention. She has always been favored by MIL, and it shows. When she heard about the baby drama, instead of supporting us, she called me “cruel” for “denying her mother the chance to experience motherhood again.”
I kid you not, she actually said, “It’s not fair that you get two babies when your MIL never got any more. You should at least consider letting her bond with one.”
What??
She also threw a fit because my due date is close to her birthday, which is June 28th. She claims that if I go into labor on her birthday, I’ll be “stealing her spotlight.” As if I can control when my babies decide to make their grand entrance into the world. She even demanded that if they’re born on her birthday, I name one after her. Not happening.
At this point, I’m exhausted. I’m trying to focus on having a stress-free pregnancy, but the circus never ends. Reddit, how do I enforce boundaries with people who refuse to respect them? How do I keep my peace when it feels like I’m surrounded by entitled lunatics?
Anyway, thanks again for the support. And to my lovely sister-in-law, if you’re reading this… just remember that on June 28, 1998, the Undertaker threw Mankind off "Hell in a Cell" and plummeted sixteen feet through an announcer's table.