'AITA for not letting my late mother’s partner stay in my apartment for life?'
"AITA for not letting my late mother’s partner stay in my apartment for life?"
My mother died very suddenly after a short hospital stay. I live abroad but was with her during her last days. I’m also pregnant, and this loss has been extremely traumatic — she was my best friend and my last close family member.
The apartment involved legally belongs to me. It originally belonged to my grandparents. I had an agreement with my mother that she could fully use it (live there, rent it, etc.) as long as she paid the bills. She and her partner were renovating it together because they planned to move in temporarily.
After my mother passed, I mentioned storing some of her belongings in the basement. Her partner said he “didn’t agree” and acted surprised that the apartment was in my name (even though he knew). He accused me of planning to kick him out and demanded to know my plans.
When I said I hadn’t thought about it yet, he became extremely aggressive. I proposed him to stay for 2-3 years, and honestly wouldn't mind if he had asked for more. Didn't ask him for rent, just to keep some boxes in the basement.
He screamed, cursed me and my unborn child, said my mother would be “holding the door to hell open for me,” and claimed he would live in the apartment “until the end of his life.”
He showed me a message from my mother sent shortly before her death while she was heavily medicated, vaguely suggesting he could live there for life. This contradicted everything she had told me for years- and we talked every single day. The message on his phone looked very strange- no related conversation before or after, just random words that barely formed a sentence.
That night, he even tried to take my mother’s ashes by force. If my husband hadn’t been there, he might have succeeded. If not my husband, who is a big guy, he would probably thrown me away from my own house.
The next day, instead of apologizing, he minimized everything and proposed renting the apartment from me. Under grief, pregnancy, and time pressure (we had to return abroad for work), I agreed.
I hired a rental agency, but he was so rude to them that they refused to work with him. He then demanded a lower rent, claiming he invested heavily in all the renovations.
I offered to reimburse him, but he refused to provide any receipts or proof, added extra costs (30%) for his own labor that he did together with my mom, and threatened to sue me if I'll keep asking for proofs. Under pressure, I agreed to terms I now regret.
There was also a dog my mother asked me to take care of if something happened to her- I bought it for her just one day before she went to hospital. I took the dog after seeing it wasn’t being properly cared for, and he accused me of lying and implied I wanted my mother to die to get the dog. Now I feel manipulated and ashamed for agreeing to anything while grieving.
AITA for not accepting his claim that he should live in my apartment for life and for regretting the agreement I made under pressure? For the first time in my life I feel like a probably need a therapy, this situation just can't get out of my head.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Stop. Talking. To. Him.
Get a lawyer and stop letting him strong arm you. Send him a formal eviction and a “I will see you in court” text.
This. Grief doesn’t cancel your rights and intimidation doesn’t create a lifetime lease, lawyer up and put all communication through paper not emotions.
NTA. Get a lawyer. This man sounds like a problem you don’t need.
Not sure what country this is, but I strongly encourage you to get a lawyer to sort this out. The fact that he is threatening a pregnant woman is inexcusable, no matter what the situation. Document everything, and start recording your interactions with him, and don't ever meet with him alone.
NTA. If you have a written lease agreement, you will have to honor ot. If you do not, check local laws and give him appropriate notice to vacate.
Holy hell. Definitely NTA. Firstly, I’m so sorry for your loss. That’s awful, at such a vulnerable time too. Secondly, this guy is freaking nuts. Was he always like this? Or is this a potential grief reaction and he’s spiraling?
What does the agreement look like? As in - did you sign anything that a judge would hold up? If not, get him out of your life. If so, speak to an attorney to see what you can amend here. This is one dude you do not want to be attached to.
Bottom line - get an attorney anyway. And as a former people pleaser and extra agreeable under grief and pressure, I completely understand the impulse to make the loud, angry problem go away. What you did doesn’t make you an AH - it was a very human response.
I'm not sure why you feel an obligation to this manipulative AH. Time to hire a lawyer and start the eviction process. If he can't appreciate the amount you are doing out of the kindness of your heart, he doesn't deserve that kindness. He's got to go before this turns into something much much worse.
NTA. His comment about your mom and hell struck me as strange. Does he think your mom went to hell, therefore she can hold the door open for you? It doesn't sound like he liked her much. Lawyer up and get him evicted. Grieving or not, his actions are uncalled for.
NTA. Nope. eviction process deserves to be conducted. I can understand the allowances gave him, in his grief, at suddenly learning He did not inherit what he considered his home. Even some of his explosive behavior
But it's his continued actions with you and the rental company, his accusations; that show he is unreasonable and you are fully within your legal and emotional rights to evict him.
My advice, if you have any family members that he is in close contact with himself, get your side of the story to them before he does. With all the facts. You shouldn't have to, but in the long run you don't want to have to deal with comments from family guilt tripping you either.