Man bans MIL from house after she destroys his Millennium Falcon Lego set to teach him 'to be a real man.' AITA? NEW UPDATE
"AITA for not letting my MIL come over after she destroyed my Millennium Falcon Lego set?"
I (38M) live with my wife (37F) and my seven year old son. I work as an engineer and my wife is a senior supervisor at a law firm. I have always loved Legos since I was a kid, and sure, it's kind of childish but it makes me happy so I've kept it as a consistent hobby throughout my adult life.
In 2024 I spent months building the Millennium Falcon with my son. It's me and my son's pride and joy and I often show guests who come over. My wife doesn't really get the hype but doesn't mind either.
In early March my wife's parents came over for a week to spend time with us. As I usually do with guests, I asked them if they would like to see my Lego collection. They agreed, and I showed both her father and mother my Millennium Falcon.
Her father was amazed at the time it took to build my sizable collection, but her mother said that it was a waste of time and that I should focus on being a real man and move up the corporate ladder.
I laughed it off because she's pretty old and I figured she just held very old fashioned beliefs. We left the room and nobody really mentioned it for a few hours, but at dinner her mother said out of nowhere that I should give up on all this Lego "nonsense" and be a real man.
We ignored this and moved on, but you could see in her expression that she was not happy. Nobody said anything about it for the rest of their stay, and all seemed well the morning they left.
They left at 3AM to catch a flight, and we waved them off. I went back to bed but the next morning awoke to find my Millennium Falcon smashed to pieces with a note from my wife's mother calmly saying that this was for my own good so that I can be a real man and focus on what matters.
It turns out she had quietly destroyed it in the night and left in the morning. Me and especially my son were very upset. I called her in the morning but she refused to apologize.
I said that until she apologized they would not be coming back again. My wife is not happy with my decision on this matter and honestly I'm starting to wonder if I overreacted. Did I go overboard or am I in the right?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
Actually, your wife is the AH in this situation. Instead of being 'not happy with my decision' she should have had your back and kicked her mom's ass (verbally). You, "If my mom smashed up all your makeup, because she didn't like you wearing it, how would you feel?"
I'm disappointed in your wife. What her mom did was beyond rude and she should have been the first to go off on her. Your MIL overstepped big time. Your wife under stepped big time.
She ruined something you and your son did together! Regardless of her feelings about you- she actively did something that hurt her grandchild. That right there is grounds to not allow her in your home or have a relationship with your child.
Your wife needs to think of how disrespected you were as an entire family unit. If she doesn’t back you up with this then you have some serious issues. Good luck dude. NTA.
That set takes 18 hours to build or more. It’s a gigantic set. I’d ban that monster too. What an absolute villain.
Respecting someone else’s property is common decency. You and your son invested time and interest in a hobby that brings you joy. That is just as (if not more) important as increasing your earning potential. When your son is an adult he will retain memories of the time you spent together.
The next day, the OP returned with an update.
First off, I want to thank everyone for the outpouring of support. It's been wonderful seeing everyone’s advice has helped me realize a few things. I had a good long talk with my wife in attempt to resolve this situation, and we've again called the mother in law which I hoped would diffuse the situation and bring things back down to earth. Instead, tensions have seemed only to have escalated.
For anyone who didn't see the original post, my wife's parents came to visit for a week, in which things went relatively smoothly aside from some disparaging comments about my Lego collection from the mother in law but after they left in the night we discovered the Millennium Falcon destroyed with a note from my mother in law saying she did this so that I can move on and be a "real man".
Firstly, after lunch my wife and I discussed the situation adult to adult. I expressed my feelings of her not being behind me in this. She admitted to having harbored feelings against my Lego collection. She also admitted to secretly agreeing partially with my mother.
She doesn't think that my mother in law should have gone as far as she did, but according to my wife I need to move on. I feel hurt by this since it's been my lifelong hobby and being an engineer I take great joy in building various creations with Legos.
After that, my wife and I were certainly not in agreement but we were at least on the same page. We also both wanted to resolve things with my mother in law and so that day we called her mother and things did not go well to say the least.
I simply told her that I was sorry I had to not let her come back, and I hope things can be resolved quickly. Still feeling upset about the Lego Millennium Falcon, I said that all I asked of her was an apology.
She refused, saying that if she bends for me at all I would never get over my Lego "obsession". My wife is not happy with any of this and frankly the marriage is starting to show tensions, which worries me greatly.
She seems to be more distant after all of this. My son has developed a strong disliking of the mother in law and I really can't blame him. She has been getting a little crazy and seems to only talk about Trump these days. Should we start considering a senior home for her?
So, I guess that's the update. Things are getting even worse and I'm not sure if I can salvage the situation. I'll update everyone when new developments occur.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP's update:
Seems like some deeper issues here than legos. My guess would be that your MIL’s actions and words are based on things that your wife has said to her. MIL went of the rails, but your wife likely lit this fuse.
I agree. I think the wife is more complicit than OP thinks. I wouldn’t even be shocked if the wife asked her mom to do that. Even if she didn’t do that, wife is clearly complaining a lot to her mother about this. I recommend marriage counseling, stat.
The other piece of this is the son now disliking grandma, who destroyed the project son and dad worked on (and bonded over). If mom agrees with grandma that it was warranted, how long before the son pulls away from his mother?
Your wife having harbored feelings towards something that brings you joy is a red flag especially since you built it with your son. Your wife and MIL are in the wrong and don’t think differently for a second, you did nothing wrong. If your wife can’t see the issue with this situation then you should reevaluate this relationship.
You don’t have a MIL problem. You have a wife problem. I’m just going to leave that there. Until you reframe all of this as being a problem of having a spouse who is not in your corner you won’t be able to move forward.
It's the disrespect your wife has for you and the fact that she DGAF that this was something that you spent time on and bonded over with your son that's the problem. She DGAF about how this has affected her son. She DGAF and has no respect for your work as an engineer and seems to think it is not a real man's job.
You are focused on thinking that you have a MIL problem, but you actually have a wife problem. I'm willing to bet good odds that her mother's behavior has been fuelled by your wife and that's why she had the audacity to do what she did. Neither of them even care about what they are doing to your son with their behavior.
They deliberately destroyed something that was not just materially valuable to him but also emotionally significant. A project that he had built with his father that he was proud of. You and your wife need to have a proper come to Jesus talk about the state of your relationship and why she is so nonchalant about her mother's wanton destruction of something that meant so much to her own son.