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'AITA for not letting my mother in law stay the night at our house right after I give birth?'

'AITA for not letting my mother in law stay the night at our house right after I give birth?'

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"AITA for not letting my mother in law stay the night at our house right after I give birth?"

I (28F) and my husband (27M) are expecting a baby soon. My parents live close by, while his mom is a few states away. I have a good relationship with his mom, but we aren’t very close—it’s mostly polite conversations when she visits.

I’m happy for her to visit as soon as the baby is born. Since it’s hard to predict the exact date, we plan to call her and my sister (who also lives out of state) when I go into labor. They know they’re welcome to book a flight right away or wait until after the birth. Whatever works for them.

I recently told my husband I didn’t want anyone staying overnight at our house for the first few days after birth. He seemed surprised but supported me, and we agreed to let everyone know.

I told my mom first, explaining family is welcome to visit all day and into the evening, but I wanted the first few nights to bond as a family and adjust without overnight guests. This is our first (and likely only) baby, and I want to treasure those moments.

I also explained that while I appreciate people wanting to help, having guests—even well-meaning ones—can be overwhelming. I have a lot of social anxiety/a low social battery and expect to feel exhausted and vulnerable after birth.

Not to mention both our mother’s have no problem telling us what we are doing wrong and how we should be doing things. (My mom to me and his mom to him). I suspect it might be hard having people over all day when I am that tired and emotionally vulnerable right after giving birth.

But I understand grandparents wanting to be around the baby right away and having some time to ourselves at night felt like a good compromise. My mom understood and offered for my mother-in-law to stay at her house, which has a comfortable guest room. We also offered to pay for a nice water side hotel, giving her two options.

When my husband explained this to his mom, she became upset and said if she couldn’t stay with us, she wouldn’t come at all. This response threw me off. We’ve always hosted her before, even though having guests makes me anxious. I’ve never said no because she’s family and I feel I should get over my anxiety, but I feel the first few days after birth are different.

My husband is supportive and says it’s my decision, but I know he wants her to come. I want that too—for her to meet her grandchild and for my husband’s sake. But her reaction has left me feeling anxious and panicked about labor all of the sudden.

I’m torn. If I give in, I worry I’ll feel overwhelmed and resentful, affecting the experience and weeks left leading up to it. If I don’t, I’m afraid it will hurt my relationship with her and disappoint my husband (even though it’s her choice not to come).

Does anyone have advice? Are the first few days after birth a good enough reason to stick to what makes me comfortable, even if it upsets her? I’m trying to find a solution that works for everyone, but I’m struggling.

Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:

You are NTA and definitely not in the wrong. You have every right to make the decision that is best for you, especially when you are going through such a major life event like having a baby.

Your MIL is being unreasonable - you want them to see the baby and you have arranged for another equally acceptable place to stay. Hold firm to your for your decision and I think MIL will change her mind as she’s basically giving you a ridiculous ultimatum.

NTA. I didn’t even have to read this to say NTA honestly, but the rest of the post just confirms my instinct from the title. YOU are the priority when you’re giving birth, not your in-laws.

If you need a few days after birth to collect yourself and adjust before they visit, that is completely reasonable and a person who’s thinking rationally wouldn’t be offended by that. This is just common sense, and I’m glad your husband is supporting you.

You will be exhausted, bleeding, oozing, and probably naked for the first few days after birth. You will have no time to sleep or shower. You are being very generous in allowing visitors during the day. NTA.

NTA - you offering a hotel and your mother offering the guest bedroom are already above and beyond the required "no guests after 7pm" announcement.

NTA. My in laws pulled the same crap. They booked a hotel but only stayed one night because they were "tired". Well, fine by me. The ruined my sil's first weeks after birth by coming over every day and butting in. Grandma wanted to hold my niece all the time, my sil had to ask for her baby back. I was not letting that happen to me.

So, let her sulk. You are not unreasonable at all. You are even very accomodating. It's a power play to her, one upping the other grandma and now guilt tripping. Do not let her. Tell her: okay, we are sad.to hear that but you are welcome to visit during the day whenever you are ready.

NTA. And why are you telling people they can stay all day and into the evening? That's dumb, you may want peace and quiet and alone time with your baby and husband. Stop telling people that lol.

And mil solved the problem on her own, she won't come right after birth. That's fine. My in laws and also my own mom visited when my first was around 4 months (separate visits). It was fine, no one died.

Chi-lan-tro

NTA - have a quick search and have him read the lemon clot essay. It’s out there and it’s eye opening for men after their partners give birth. But here’s the thing, you CANNOT know how you will feel after your baby is born. Some people are up and walking around feeling great, others, not-so-much. With a HUGE range in between.

My dear, this is a time in your life to be entirely selfish and focussed on your own comfort. Everyone else can go push a rope. Also remember that it’s always easier to turn a No into a Yes than the other way around.

Your husband needs to tell his mom "I fully understand and we'll miss seeing you. You're welcome to stay with us after we've been home for a week". Period. There's nothing else to say or do here. You're not saying she can't come at all, you're opening your home to everyone to come over and see the baby. You just don't want to HOST any GUESTS for a few days.

That's totally valid. Your husband shouldn't over explain, and he SHOULD NOT apologize. His mom can try all the histrionics she wants, but he has to just simply repeat "You're welcome to visit at any time, and you can stay with us after a week". As your family grows, there may be other times/events where having guests isn't feasible. Time to set that expectation is NOW.

So, what do you think about this one? If you could give the OP any advice here, what would you tell them?

Sources: Reddit
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