'AITA for not letting my BF bring his mom to my birthday dinner?' UPDATED

"AITA for not letting my boyfriend bring his mom to my birthday dinner?"

Hey y’all. I (26F), Kayla, have been dating my boyfriend, Jamal (28M), for a little over two years. We’re serious, live separately, but spend most weekends together. Overall things are good—except for one thing: his mother.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not one of those “me or your mama” type of women. I respect family. But Jamal’s mom, Miss Carla, is in everything. She calls him multiple times a day, shows up unannounced, and makes little comments about how no woman will ever take care of him like she does. I’ve been polite, respectful, but it’s exhausting. I don’t even think she dislikes me—she just sees me as competition.

So here’s the issue. My birthday was last weekend, and I planned a dinner at a nice rooftop restaurant with my close friends and siblings. I wanted it to be lowkey, fun, and drama-free. I invited Jamal, obviously—but only him. About two hours before the dinner, he texts me: “Hey, my mom’s coming with me, cool?” I didn’t even know she was in town.

I texted back, “I’d prefer if it was just us tonight, babe. This is something I planned with people I’m close to.” He hit me with, “Wow, seriously? It’s just dinner. She wanted to come support you.” I told him no. I said it wasn’t about disrespecting her—I just didn’t want my birthday turning into an awkward third-wheel situation. He ended up not coming at all.

Now he’s mad, saying I embarrassed him and hurt his mom’s feelings. Miss Carla posted some passive-aggressive stuff on Facebook like “Some people don’t know how to appreciate others who genuinely care for them” and “God don’t like ugly.” So now I’m wondering… was I being selfish? AITA for not letting my boyfriend bring his mom to my birthday dinner?

What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:

Mother_Search3350 said:

You know it's time to let Jamal go back to his mamma right. Nobody needs to be involved with a man child that's still breastfeeding at 28.. NOBODY. It's time for you to find a fully grown man to date

OP responded:

But I love him 😔

Mother_Search3350 said:

Then make peace with third wheeling for Ms Carla and never being a priority in his life. EVER. Ms Carla is going to be planning your wedding, come on your honeymoon, move in with you and Jamal and keep telling you just how bad you are at taking care of her son, make your birth plan when you get pregnant , insist on being in the delivery room, name your kids...

Hell Ms Carla is going to be deciding where you live, decorating your house for you, picking out your children's clothes and telling you how to spend your money. Have fun with that mess and craziness and being in a polygamous relationship with Jamal and Ms Carla

OP responded:

You’re right, that’s the LAST thing I want🤦🏾‍♀️

PerspectiveKookie16 said:

Miss Carla inadvertently gave you the best birthday present - a reality check about what and who matters to Jamal. Send her a thank you card. NTA.

Klutzy-Escape725 said:

Oh, pour mommy’s boy. Girl, wtf? He DIDN'T COME TO YOUR BDAY BECASE YOU TOLD NO TO HIS MOMMY . And he has 28yo.

Are you sure you want to go on with this ? I mean.. you will “never take care of him like she does” . He is 28, he doesn’t need someone to take care of him. Next thing you know, she will be moving in with you to take care of him and manage your household. Run. :)

She later shared this update:

So after reading the advice you guys gave me I’ve decided to break up with him.I called him and let him knew that things aren’t going to workout.He cried and I felt sad but I had to let him go.

Now he keeps blowing up my phone. I BLOCKED HIM!

I work at a design firm—professional setting, front desk, glass doors and all that. He came with flowers, saying he “wasn’t going to be blocked out of my life.” He caused a scene when the receptionist wouldn’t let him back. I was mortified. My manager had to talk to him and ask him to leave.

Now he’s blowing up my best friend’s phone, saying I humiliated him, made his mom feel “cast out,” and that I’m being “cold and dramatic.” Miss Carla’s back on Facebook talking about, “Some girls think they’re wives when they’re still just a test drive.” Should I press charges?? Things aren’t getting out of hand and scary.