'AITA for not letting my bridesmaid wear a white dress to the reception?' UPDATED

"AITA for not letting my bridesmaid wear a white dress to the reception/dance?"

I (F28) am getting married in June to the love of my life - I am so excited. I have 3 stunning bridesmaids, but one of them has been VERY picky when it comes to the bridesmaid dresses. Let's call her El.

I told them they can choose whatever style of top that they want so that they can feel comfortable, just as long as they are all the same fabric, have the same skirt style, and the same colour - black. I will be paying for their dresses.

I choose black for 4 reasons: 1.) No one can see if they get dirty. 2.) Black will be a flattering color on all 3 ladies, it will compliment their skin tones very well. 3.) They can easily alter the dresses after and continue to wear them for other events. 4.) Both fiance and I LOVE BLACK.

But El was very vocal on not liking the colour choice. She's also had a complaint for every dress style that I have sent to the girls as ideas. El does not want to wear a long dress because she won't be able to show off her shoes, she wants a short dress that's higher than the knees. This is the exact opposite look of skirt i was hoping for, I wanted something long, elegant, and flowy for a fairytale wedding.

I asked if she'd be okay with a leg slit in the dress for her shoe and leg to peek out of. Nope. She then asked for a mermaid dress to show off her curves. Bridesmaid Amy was not comfortable with a dress hugging her hips, she just had a baby (and is still stunning even with her new mom body, she desrrves to know that), and again I told her I'd like all the skirts to be flowy.

Another bridesmaid, Ray, really wanted a corset back. Her chest is larger and the built in cups don't fit her, so a corset back would be able to do up around her chest properly without a worry. El trashed the idea.

The fight about dresses got so bad that I ended up saying "okay, I'll make a deal with you all. Please wear a dress that fits my vision for the ceremony, and after the ceremony you can pick another outfit that you will enjoy for the dinner and dance."

Well... El comes along and says "I found the perfect dress! It's really cute, I look HOT in it, and I am wearing it. It's already bought". Then, she pulls out her phone, flips open her gallery, and slowly slides it over to me. I look down, and what is she wearing in the photo? A white dress, floor length, with blue flowers.

I was flabbergasted... I didn't even know what to say. She kept going on about how cute the dress was and how good it looked on her, and once the hamster in my brain started running again I finally stammered out "That's a very white dress". She said "Yeah, I didn't think you'd wear white so it wouldn't matter."

What?! Just what?! It's my wedding girl, of course im wearing white. She literally went wedding dress shopping with me AND SAW MY DRESS. But it wasn't just about the colour, the dress had literally every single element that she fought all of us on. It was long, covering her shoes, had a leg slit, the skirt was flowy and not form fitting, had a corset back. I just felt like she fought all of us over everything for nothing.

I politely asked her not to wear that dress, that we'd find something else that we all agree on, and she said okay. I thought that was it, but today Ray told me she called me a bridezilla and said no one was listening to her on her thoughts about the dresses.

Am I being a bridezilla? Am I being to picky? Should I loosen the reins and let her wear the white dress? I mean... I did tell them they can wear what they want to the ceremony/dance. I feel so bad but I just feel like the vision I was seeing isn't being respected or considered. We've only been planning the wedding for a month and a part of me is worried this is just the beginning. AITA?

What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:

aureusaequitas said:

Babes... uninvite her from your bridal party AND wedding.

This is not a friend.

pip-whip said:

El needs to be removed from the bridal party and perhaps uninvinted from the wedding. When you agree to be a bridesmaid, you should already know that you will have to do what you're being asked to do and don't get a say. El has main character syndrome and she will only get worse.

Ok-Highlight-9598 said:

YTA for making the other bridesmaids and yourself suffer instead of kicking her out immediately once she started trying to police YOUR wedding choices

OP responded:

😅😅 I feel called out in a very needed way. Thank you for painting this so clearly.

ConsciousOnion9109 said:

absolutely not, it seems like el is the only person having issues with the dresses. it’s YOUR wedding op. not hers. tell she can either wear something you approve of or she can be demoted to just a guest.

No_Indication_3745 said:

No, you're not, she's being maidzilla. She's purposefully doing this s*it to manipulate you into letting her wear what she always wanted to wear. Shut her down, she's no longer the bridesmaid, because this wedding is about the BRIDE & GROOM, not the bridesmaid, it has nothing to do with her wants & needs.

She had already bought it, because it was her endgame. You don't wear white to a wedding, if you're not the bride, unless the bride specifies it's allowed. You're not being a bridezilla at all.

Statjmpar said:

She wants the attention all on her and this is just the beginning. Rescind the offer that they can wear what they want. They wear the dress you buy for them or they step down as a bridesmaid. However, be prepared that if you still invite her as a guest, she’ll show up in that white dress.

Four days later, she shared this update:

First of all, I really want to thank everyone who replied. My eyes were opened to a lot of things and I realized I have a lot to think about, I really appreciate that.

That said, I really debated giving an update because this is not going to be an update that y'all will like to hear. It was like Dr. Bruce Banner stuck the drama with a giant a** Hulk Needle and now I have one giant hulk sized drama rampaging through my life.

I was going to tell El that she is no longer a bridesmaid, but also give her the opportunity to redeem herself as a friend and attend my wedding. HOWEVER, and a big however, El and Ray were roommates - Ray has kicked El out.

There was a lot of reasons as to why, but since that is not my story I will respect Ray and not get into the nitty gritty details of things. What I can say is she had not paid even a penny of rent and was taking Ray for granted.

I used to work with El, and in that environment we became very good work friends and had known each other for a few years. She ended up moving back to her home country to take care of her family and was there for a year. She came back 4 months ago, starting her visa fresh again, with no place to go and no family.

So... since Ray kicked her out and justly so I could not see this girl on the streets, despite her rude actions. Ray and I have had lots of conversation, she is totally fine with me taking her in, our friendship is great, and it will just be for a week until El can move into her new apartment.

I am giving her this kindness to respect the friendship that we once had. I am still going to tell her that she will not be a part of the wedding party any longer, but I am waiting for Hulk to go back to normal and return as Dr. Bruce Banner. Sorry I can't provide a better update, but it is not the right time or place to provide more bad news to someone already going through a lot.

EDIT TO ADD: I am leaving a lot out of this story, please keep that in mind. This has evolved into something that is no longer my story to share, and I will not add any personal details from someone else's life.

That does mean some context and background is not given, but please know there was a lot of conversation had before this decision was made. That is why I wasn't sure if I should even give an update, because I will not provide much.