'AITA for not letting my brother bring a plus one to my wedding since she's not his GF?'

"AITA for not letting my brother bring a +1 to my wedding?"

My brother and I have had a distant relationship because he lives overseas, and we haven't talked in two years due to him changing his phone number without sharing the new one. He's also known for having short-term relationships, with the longest one lasting only 1.5 years. Recently, he's started "dating" a coworker at his temporary work site, where he moves to a different country every 3-4 months.

Now, my wedding is just around the corner, and we've finalized 90% of the arrangements. We've been working tirelessly and saved up just enough money to cover the expenses ourselves. No financial help from the family. Here's the problem:

My brother returned home for a visit after two years and joined us for a dinner with my mother, her boyfriend, some family friends, and me. During the conversation about my wedding, I mentioned that it's going to be a small event with only close relatives and their long-term partners (dating for at least a year), due to budget constraints.

Out of nowhere, my brother announced that he'd be bringing a +1 to the wedding. I was taken aback and asked when he got a girlfriend, as this was the first I'd heard of it. His response? "She's not really a girlfriend; we're not that serious, we're just friends." I firmly told him, "No, you can't bring a friend; it's for serious partners only."

He got upset, saying, "I won't attend your wedding if that's what you want!" I said why he expected +1 when he hadn't told till now and she wasn't a girlfriend. My mom jumped in and insisted that he should have a +1. I explained that I had no knowledge of this person, had never seen a photo, didn't even know her name, and simply couldn't afford to pay for someone who wasn't even his girlfriend.

My brother then made a hurtful comment, comparing my behavior to our abusive father, which really hurt me. I replied, "If you feel that way, then don't come; it's your choice." My mother's boyfriend joined the conversation, urging me to allow my brother to bring his +1.

I stood my ground, stating that it wasn't up for discussion, as it's my wedding, and I'm struggling to cover the costs. my mother then told my i was selfish and my brother kept repeating that he's not coming.

Later that night, as we were packing up, my mom suggested I get a mortgage to cover the wedding expenses, insisting that my brother would bring a +1. I responded, "At the very least, I would consider it if she were his girlfriend, but she is a "FRIEND". We won't go into debt for the wedding, and it's my wedding, so you can't dictate what I do when I'm paying for it."

My mother then accused me of being selfish, damaging my relationship with my brother, and being overly dramatic.

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

Reddoraptor said:

NTA and frankly given your mom's total lack of support for you, expecting you to borrow money to pay for your brother's random invite, I'd probably cancel the existing plans as far as she knows and either elope or make the wedding even smaller and invite only your friends and your partner's family.

Your mom doesn't sound like she's going to make the experience better, only worse. This is your day, have fun and good luck in your marriage!

LeamhAish said:

NTA. I think you need to pop over to JustNoMIL sub. They do Just No Moms, too. If you were having a large wedding, then I don't think the +1 would matter, but reddit is full of chagrined brides who ended up with some virtual stranger in their photos that their brother/sister/cousin never spoke to again, either.

I've been a virtual stranger in someone else's wedding photos myself. It's uncomfortable, and I still feel bad for the badgered brides. And a mortgage?!?! No, just freakin no.

DLCMotroni said:

So now your brother, mother and mom bf have all made it about brother not being there because he can't bring his friend that nobody knows. Got it. Obviously your brother is respected more than you in this family. Instead of going to your wedding, they should hang out together with bro's "friend" instead since she seems to be the important one. NTA Congrats on the wedding and good luck!

newtonhoennikker said:

YTA if he was sleeping with the stranger you’d be chill? He’s going to travel internationally for your wedding, and it’s not really reasonable to be like “do nothing and have no one and just stare at me at my event”. Especially because it’s clear you two don’t even like each other that much.

The$100 extra you spend to feed his “friend” is orders of magnitude less than the flights and lodging he’s paying for, just to support you

And KADSuperman said:

Kind of weird that one +1 will break your bank, you want to start your marriage with strained relationship with your brother that never can be undone for one extra guest

He later shared this update to the post:

Thank you all for your comments, but I just wanted to clarify:

1.) my brother is not paying for his flight or accommodations.

2.) My brother already has a plus 1 coming which is one of his guy friends of his which I made an exception for.

3.) My mum has been talking about getting the mortgage so I can have more of her friends come and get the other things she wants for my wedding.

4. me and my fiance had discussed this issue and he also doesn't want to have an unknown person in the wedding photos. I just want to say thank you all for your comments