'AITA not letting my brother bring his GF to Christmas after what happened at Thanksgiving?'

"AITA for telling my brother he can't bring his new girlfriend to Christmas after what happened at Thanksgiving?"

So my brother Jake (32M) has been dating this girl Melissa for maybe 4 months? We met her for the first time at Thanksgiving (I'm Canadian) at my parents' house.

The whole day was just kind of uncomfortable. Like she made comments about everything. My mom's turkey was "too dry for her taste," she asked if we "always use store-bought rolls," she mentioned twice that her family does a full seafood spread instead of traditional Thanksgiving food. Which like, okay? Good for you?

But the thing that really got me was she kept correcting my 5 year old daughter. My daughter was talking about her school play and said something like "me and my friend are gonna be trees" and Melissa jumps in with "your friend and I, sweetie" in this really condescending voice. Then later my daughter said she "done it" and Melissa did it again, "you DID it."

I finally pulled Jake aside and asked him to maybe tell her to ease up on the grammar lessons with my kid, and he got defensive and said Melissa's a teacher and she's just trying to help. I said she's not HER teacher and it's making my daughter feel bad. She overheard us talking and left right after that. Didn't say bye to anyone, just grabbed her coat. Jake followed her out and they left like an hour early.

Now Christmas is coming up and my mom asked me if I'm okay with Melissa coming. Apparently Jake said he won't come if she's not invited. I told my mom honestly that I'd rather she didn't come, at least not this year. We barely know her and Thanksgiving was awkward enough. My mom's upset because she doesn't want Jake to skip Christmas but she also doesn't want tension.

Jake texted me yesterday saying I'm being unfair and "punishing Melissa for caring about education" and if she's not welcome then he's not coming. My husband says I should just let it go for the sake of family peace but I don't want another holiday feeling uncomfortable in my own parents' house. AITA for not wanting her there?

This is what people had to say to OP:

Then-Life-5557 said:

NTA she met your family for the first time and literally decided to insult your moms cooking and condescend a meal she was invited to. She’s a rude guest and your brother is being a push over

Aggressive-Pass7181 said:

NTA but if you're having conflict, here's a thought. Give her one more chance. Now that she knows her attitude came off wrong, see if she does better this time. If she does, maybe you'll find out she was just nervous or having a bad day; it happens. But if not, then Jske can't claim she wasn't given a fair chance. And if he keeps threatening to skip a gathering again... let him.

GathofBaal88 said:

Just tell your brother that she is invited, but her behavior is not. She embarrassed herself at Thanksgiving and she would do well to enjoy the day without correcting anybody for Christmas. If she can’t do that, then she will be asked to leave.

In the comments, OP added:

I guess I should mention that this isn't really about the grammar thing alone, even though that's what pushed me over the edge. The whole day she just had this energy like nothing was good enough. She compared everything to how her family does things. And maybe I'm being sensitive but when someone keeps correcting your kid it feels personal, you know?

My daughter actually asked me after they left if "that lady" thought she was dumb. That broke my heart a little. She's 5. She doesn't need someone she just met making her self-conscious about how she talks.

I don't know. Maybe I am overreacting. My brother's had some really bad relationships in the past and I want him to be happy but I also don't want to dread family gatherings. Am I being unfair to her because Thanksgiving was just one day and maybe she was nervous? I keep going back and forth on this.

And Illustrious_Leg_2537 said:

Teacher here. You know what I don’t do in social settings? Correct people on their grammar. For one thing, I don’t get paid to do that in social settings. Mostly it’s because it’s just rude.