'AITA for stopping my friend from proposing to his GF at a wedding and 'ruining the surprise'?'

"AITA for not letting my friend propose to his girlfriend at a mutual friend's wedding?"

AITA for ruining my friend’s plan of proposing at a mutual friend’s wedding by telling my mutual friend about it and ruining the “surprise?”

I (28F) had two close friends in high school. One of them is male (lets call him Ben), and he used to date my other friend (let's call her Kristi) who is a female. We all ended up getting into different colleges, and to be honest I did not keep up much with both of them the years following high school (the two of them ended up breaking up, so things were a bit awkward anyway) until a few months ago.

My female friend suddenly reached out through Insta, and broke the news that she was getting married to her new partner of 3 years. I was happy for her, and was invited to the wedding. However, what I didn't expect was that Ben was also invited. At first, I thought it was a bit weird to me since they used to date, but I figured she just wanted to rekindle friendships and nostalgia.

I reached out to Ben, glad that we could meet again. After a few convos, he told me how he still remained in contact with Kristi during college, and how they made up after the breakup resulting in a "really strong friendship." Anyway, apparently he started dating one of Kristi's close friends in college, and thought it would be cute to propose to her during Kristi's wedding.

This was because the wedding would take place in Hawaii at an extremely expensive venue, and he wanted to get one of the professional photographers at Kristi's wedding to take a photo of him proposing. To be honest, I was okay with this initially since prices are pretty high nowadays, and if they were really as close as he made it out to be, then who could object to a double proposal?

But, he then he proceeded to tell me that Kristi would not be aware of it. This changed my entire perspective, so I told him to either tell her or propose somewhere else. He was annoyed at this, and tried to explain how "Kristi would be happy for him" and that I didn't "understand the friendship dynamic between Kristi and him."

He also insisted that he wanted his proposal to be a "pleasant surprise" for Kristi on her wedding date, and according to him, "she'd be honored her close friend found love at her wedding, too."

I told him that his idea seemed inappropriate, and that Kristi's wedding was her big moment that he shouldn’t take from. When he left me on delivered, I took action and told Kristi about his plan, and whether she would be okay with it. Now Kristi was actually elated about it and said that she was okay with it as long as it took place after the official wedding ceremony, he could propose during the wedding trip.

This made me relieved, but now Ben is angry at me for "ruining" his plan to surprise Kristi. He’s been texting me nonstop about how I betrayed his trust, how I had “no right” to interfere, and that I embarrassed him by going behind his back. So, AITA for ruining the surprise for Kristi?

What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:

Alafair85 said:

NTA. The only time it is ok to propose at a wedding is with consent from the Bride & Groom.

_foreignfckdoll said:

NTA. It seems like the guy is trying to take away from the moment and make it about him, if you want to do it in Hawaii, then go for it but using the venue and the photographer that was paid for by the bride and groom is kind of over the line.

OP responded:

That is true but maybe I should have listened to Ben's side more as some commenters have suggested... Because it seems that him and Kristi are very close so maybe she would have understood. And again, I'm not as close as both of them are to each other, so I still feel kind of bad

Chewyisthebest said:

Hahaha my guy is cheap and never got over Kristi and is mad you ruined his brilliant plan. NTA obviously.

Bhaastsd said:

NEVER propose at a wedding without the explicit approval of the bride. The number one rule of weddings is don’t upstage the bride. If she wants to share her special day it’s up to her but it can’t be a surprise. NTA.

OP responded:

While that is true I still feel guilty about it since Kristi and Ben are clearly closer, and they even used to date so they probably have a greater understanding of each other. But many people are on my side, so I hope I did the right thing in warning Kristi about it.

der_lodije said:

NTA. It’s a move in extremely poor taste, I’m surprised the bride didn’t mind. You did the right thing.

wanderer866 said:

INFO: How long was your messages warning that his actions may be inappropriate on delivered before you went to Kristi directly?

OP responded:

To be honest it was not that long, but I got the point across. But what pissed me off was that he left me on delivered so maybe I was a bit impulsive in telling Kristi immediately before hearing more from his side

And ExquisiteGerbil said:

NTA!! He’s damn lucky Kristi wasn’t pissed about this. Proposing at someone else’s wedding is almost always tacky and rude, not just to the bride and groom but also to the proposee. It’s the least personal proposal you can do while still looking like you tried. Nothing about that proposal is about his girlfriend.

Not the event, the location, the venue, the food, the music, the guests, if she’s a close friend of Kristi’s she may be a bridesmaid which would mean she wouldn’t even have picked her own outfit. He’s just seizing the opportunity when they’re both dressed up. That is the biggest moment in their relationship so far and he wants to make it a footnote to an event that will absolutely overshadow it.

Thoughts??