'AITA for not letting my husband 'parent' our unborn child based on knowledge from FB groups?'

"AITA for not letting my husband 'parent' our unborn child?"

I (31F) and my husband (35m) have been married for a little under 2 years, been together for 5. We discussed kids in the beginning of our relationship, everything from names, parenting styles, roles, etc. It was always agreed that I would take care of the day to day things, but he would be active and involved.

We aligned on everything we ever talked about. 2 issues have now cropped up, that led to a major blowout. I am 7 mo pregnant, we do not know the sex of the baby. Since day one, names have been agreed upon. Also, I do not plan on breastfeeding. Here is what happened:

My husband is a self identified "know it all" and he has apparently been joining facebook groups and reading parenting/pregnancy books. Overall, I have no problem with this! He's nervous and hasn't never spent much time around kids. I however, am a newborn care specialist.

I have been working with FTP and their newborns for over 10 years. Nothing about this pregnancy has been "off" or "different" it's everything I expected it to be, you don't spend time around pregnant/laboring mom's for 10 years and not know what to expect.

He seems to be very nervous about things, I do what I can to quell his fears, and I think I've done a really really good job at keeping hormones in check. Until.

He came to me yesterday and said he is concerned about me not breastfeeding. He has brought this up before, we've talked about this numerous times. I have calmly explained my reasons, and he said he understood and he'd try to get on board with it. But apparently he can't.

He brought up for what feels like the 10th time, that I should be breastfeeding our child, (each time, I have heard his side *that he got from FB* and I told him I agree with him on the merits of breastfeeding, so I'm not shutting him down completely) This time however when he brought it up, I told him "I'm not breastfeeding, if you want to breastfeed go ahead, and stop bringing it up!"

Well, that unleashed a wave of insecurity from him I had not seen. Questioning everything I've done up until now because his facebook friends all had different opinions. Even to the point that he "no longer agrees on our baby names". I let him rant and rave, when he finished I asked "are you done throwing your temper tantrum" and he stormed off.

I was speechless, I get it he wants to discuss things, but yelling at your pregnant wife that everything she planned to do is wrong is NOT helpful. Especially considering the wife's profession! Husband is now sulking, saying he doesn't care since I won't let him "parent" anyways.

He's NEVER acted like this before and this is going against EVERYTHING we ever agreed on, and it's pissing me off this late into my pregnancy when I've done everything I can to avoid this kind of thing! AITA for in his words “not letting him parent”?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

bobby_firmino_ said:

NTA. Trying to pressure you into breastfeeding is so wrong and would make anyone livid. I think your husband just feels a bit inferior/insecure because you know so much more than he does and maybe doesn't like being reminded of that.

I doubt he is actually unhappy with the baby names and more just taking his anger out so wait until this cools down to talk properly about that. He does obviously have a say in baby names, but not on breastfeeding imo.

OP responded:

I feel badly for making the situation worse by calling it a temper tantrum. I am waiting until he calms down more because he is still pouting and being snippy towards me. We've had these names picked out for years, we've never wavered so I'm very interested into why there is a change there..but it was overshadowed by the breast feeding badgering.

Delanes_Brain said:

NTA: Facebook is such a plague of know it all/holier than thou people that think they have it all figured out. But, there is no one right way to do things. You are right to stick to your guns on this and you aren't "not letting him parent" with this decision, you are not letting his FB group parent your child with this decision.

Upgradedcannonfodder said:

NTA, also WOW, there is a level of insanity for trying to mansplain to your expert wife on thr area of her expertise and blowing up at her WHILE SHE'S PREGNANT because he 'read something on facebook'

OP responded:

Thankfully, he's very logical and I admit I 100% understand his reasons for wanting to go the breast feeding route, but I've told him for YEARS that it's a no, and I've explained why several times.

I do NOT think breastfeeding is bad, or unatural or anything and I'm an advocate for women who want to do it in public even. But no, I will not use my body that way. I got some good advice earlier, I'm going to bring him in to talk to my doctor I think.

Edit from OP:

I would like to clear up some stuff I've been seeing in the comments (I've read them all btw, and genuinely thank everyone for taking the time to respond) 1. I went to a birthing class with him, it was a full day thing on a Saturday. I did NOT want to go, but he expressed a strong desire so I went, it was long and almost the exact thing I used to teach in my own class but that was fine as it did make him feel better.

2. My husband is an attorney who works long hours. I added the "active role" thing to explain that while I'll be a SAHM for the next few years, it's not something I'm doing on my own, I was trying to highlight how he'll be present and in the home with us, not just working , or doing hobbies etc. that since my profession has uniquely qualified me for my new "title" as Mom, this kind of thing just comes natural to me.

3. I DO consult him, we've talked about everything baby related from the MOMENT I found out I was pregnant (some even while we were dating) We have constantly communicated anything he's been worried about, or things he's read about that he wants to do (even if I don't, like baby wearing)

The issue I posted about, stems from his internet use on FB to now badger me into breastfeeding, when it's been known since before we were married I wouldn't. I did NOT shut him down originally, we've talked about this several times over. Last night, was easily the 10th time, so THAT is why I snapped back, I'm tired of arguing it. Again, thank you all for your input.