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Mom refuses to swap custody weeks so kids can to Disneyland with dad; 'tough luck.' + Update

Mom refuses to swap custody weeks so kids can to Disneyland with dad; 'tough luck.' + Update

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"AITA for not letting my kids go on vacation with my ex because it's my time with them."

KittenBox8

So right now both of my kids (16 year old son and 9 year old daughter) and my ex are extremely mad at me because I won't give up my appointed time with them. My son wont even talk to me and my daughter is crying all the time.

A little backstory. Me and my ex divorced shortly after my daughter was born. I blame him for it and he blames me. I won't go into detail here. We ended up with a 50/50 custody agreement switching every other week.

While this was 8 years ago we're still not on good terms. We rarely ever talk to each other outside of the kids and i'm perfectly fine with that. One thing we have agreed on since the beginning though is that we don't plan things on days that aren't ours.

And unless it's extremely important we don't "switch" days or weeks. In the 8 years since we've been divorced I have never asked him to have the kids on a day that isn't mine and I've never given him one of my days even if he begged.

Well, last week my ex contacted me and told me the "good" news. His parents are hosting a week long family reunion in the summer at Disneyland and he want's to take the kids.

Well, the problem is that it's on one of my weeks. He asked me to let the kids stay with him that week or to switch a week with me and I shot him down. It's my week with them and I get to spend it with them.

I told him if it's so important to him to reschedule but he claims his parents can't do that and this is the only week that the whole family can go and he told me that I need to "think of them". I told him "tough luck" and hung up on him.

Well, this last Sunday when my ex dropped the kids off with me my son refused to talk to me at all and my daughter wouldn't even look at me. When I asked my ex what was wrong he refused to talk to me, only saying "ask them" in a snarky tone before leaving.

When I asked my daughter what was wrong she burst into tears and said that i was "not letting daddy take them to Disneyland". Asking my son (who still refuses to talk to me) it turns out that my ex told them I was not letting them go to Disneyland with him.

He's trying to paint me as the bad guy. I sat both of them down last night to talk to them and explain it's my week with them but they refused to listen to me. My daughter just cried and my son told me i'm only doing this to get back at my ex.

I'm not though. I think its unfair for him to do this when his parents scheduled it during my time with them. I demanded an apology from my ex and him to set things straight but he refuses, and his last text to me being "can't tell them the truth cause they already know it".

I'm so very angry right now. Am I the a$$h0l3 because my ex scheduled something during MY time with MY kids? How is it my fault that i'm only using my right to spend time with them?

Here were the top rated comments from readers after the OP's initial post:

StendhalSyndrome

YTA. Your ex gave you months of notice for this trip. Have you ever been to Disney? That's the kind of trip that takes a lot of planning, especially if your ex is trying to coordinate it with a large extended family. If this is the only weekend that his whole family can go, then do you really think this is the kind of thing that can be rescheduled so easily?

"He's trying to paint me as the bad guy."

That's because you are the bad guy. You are being incredibly small, selfish and petty, and it sounds like you are using this opportunity to get back at your ex and his family somehow.

What you are really doing is damaging your relationship with your kids. This drama isn't even about your kids, it's about you and how you are being (in your opinion) so, so wronged. If you value your kids and your relationship with them, be flexible.

ickswiththemostvicks

Agree. It’s not easy at all to reschedule a family reunion. OP is depriving her kids of not only a vacation with their father, but with their extended family that probably doesn’t come up very often. It definitely seems like she is taking the stance of being petty.

DaniK094

Yep. OP you are essentially using your kids to get back at your ex. Not cool and yes, it makes YTA. Also, if it's your ex's family then it's your kids' family. So, not only are you keeping two young kids from Disneyland for no apparent reason, but you are also keeping them from seeing and meeting extended family.

They deserve to have strong relationships with both sides of the family. Keep them two weeks prior to the trip and then let them go - if there needs to be a compromise. Personally, I'd just let them go and enjoy a two week "vacation" for myself.

heygirl333

How are you the evil step mom to your own kids?

YTA.

Fulham999

YTA you're stopping your kids from having a vacation at Disney because you're too petty to swap a week? I completely understand why your kids are pissed at you.

ThirdAccountNow

Its not even the rule of not switching weeks. Its obvious as hell that she is doing this out of spite because the children will have fun time with dad. Disgusting as hell. She is robbing her own children of every kids big dream simply to „win“.

love2bme

YTA you won’t compromise with him and switch days because you’ve never asked to change weeks with him? How petty of you. Even if you don’t have a good relationship with your ex think of the children, the only person you’re really hurting from not letting them go is them which they’re completely innocent from.. stop being selfish and let them go.

12 days later, the OP returned with a short update.

"Update"

KittenBox8

After disguising the issue with my ex over the past 2 weeks I have decided to swap a week in the summer with him to allow my kids to go to Disney with him. I am not doing this because i was "the a$$h0l3" in the situation, but because in the end you were right that it's best to compromise in the situation.

Here were the top rated comments from readers after the OP's update:

College_Prestige

OP won't even admit she was the a$$h0l3. Must be insufferable irl.

Suprblakhawk

"You were right about everything except me being the AH. Btw my son made me write this."

MordaxTenebrae

"I changed my mind and let my kids go to Disneyland, not because I was behaving like an a@@h0l3, but because I want to compromise."

Amazing_Cabinet1404

She won’t get into why they divorced but I think we all know why after reading those posts.

Grozdower

Yeah, honestly that "He blames me and I blame him, but I won't go into detail." Just really struck me as she is the cause of the divorce and doesn't want to admit it.

So, what do you think about this one? If you could give the OP any advice here, what would you tell them?

Sources: Reddit,Reddit
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