'AITA for not letting my sister and her newborn baby move in after she stole money from me?'

"AITA for not letting my little sister move in after she stole money from me?"

To begin, when my husband and I were dating, we moved in together. Shortly after my little sister turned 18 she wanted to move out of her mom’s house so I spoke to my husband and we let her stay with us. I got her a job and she had a small room (we had a tiny attic apartment but it was ours you know).

All we asked of her was to pay a small rent (landlord charged us more for having an extra adult) and to help out with groceries and keeping her areas clean! Everything was going good for about 2 months when all of a sudden she was being a slob. She would leave food all over her room and living room.

Then the arguing happened. She would find any reason to argue with my boyfriend (at the time) and she would try to involve me in whatever petty argument they were having. During this time my boyfriend and I had been about together 3 years so he has known her since she was 15 years old.

He also has little sisters so he viewed her as an extra sister! She would get so mad when I wouldn’t involve myself in their arguments or when I wouldn’t take her side. But I noticed she would get more upset if I didn’t let it make me fight with my boyfriend at the time.

It got to the point where my boyfriend would come home from work and just go to our bedroom because he didn’t want to deal with her or argue with her. Fast forward a couple months and she asked me to cash a check for her because for some reason her bank wasn’t letting her (it was over thanksgiving). So I deposited her check into my bank account via the app.

I had good standing with my account so they gave me the money before the check cleared and I gave her the cash. Keep in mind, I got her a job so we were both getting checks from the same place. She decides to move back to her mom’s house that same week.

A couple day’s after thanksgiving the bank notifies me that the check bounced because it had already been deposited into an account so my account went into the negatives because remember they let me have the cash before the check cleared! (I didn’t know any better and never thought my sister would screw me over) I called her and texted her and she had me blocked.

Then we also found out that she stole cash that we had in the house before she moved. After that my boyfriend and I decided that we would never let anyone else move in with us. We liked our privacy way too much and this was just a horrible experience.

Fast forward 2-3 years. We are living in a bigger apartment. My sister comes to stay the weekend of her birthday. At this point, we are married. We decided to throw her a little birthday barbecue. I missed my sister and I decided to forgive her for everything that happened but of course, I would never forget. We invited some friends and she asked if some guy that she was talking too could to come over to the barbecue.

We say yes, of course. Little did we know he was already on his way. This is the first time they meet in person. They’ve only been talking online. The guy rubs us the wrong way, but they’re young.

We don’t say anything. It’s getting late and almost everybody has left and she asked us if he could stay the night so he doesn’t have to drive back so late plus we’ve been drinking. My husband and I talk it over and we say it’s fine. He can stay the night.

Let’s just say that night we did not get any sleep . They were having intercourse on our air mattress upstairs and literally shaking the whole house. My husband and I felt really disrespected at this point because they could’ve at least tried to be quiet . But I’m not her mom. She’s a grown adult. She can do what she pleases.

About two months go by and we find out she’s pregnant . From that one night on her birthday. She let everybody think that it was my fault that I invited this guy . Again, she’s a grown adult. And I don’t feel like we were responsible for this at all. Her and the guy are dating and everybody is telling her that “OP should be responsible for helping you out during this time”. I say absolutely not. She made her choices.

When she is eight months pregnant, she calls me crying asking if her and her boyfriend could please move in. They were living in his grandmother‘s house, and apparently they had a rat problem. She told me that she has known about this problem for months, but wanted to ask for help now because she can’t bring herself to bring her baby home in that environment.

So she had months to figure out another solution with her boyfriend and she waited to ask me until she had a couple weeks left in her pregnancy. My husband reminded me that we said we would never let anyone live with us again especially after she stole money from us.

The trust just wasn’t there. I told her I’m sorry, but no, this landlord didn’t want any additional people in the house (which wasn’t a lie) plus I didn’t think it was right for us to have to upend our life to cater to her and her boyfriend and their newborn baby. She told me I could keep my dogs locked up in the cage, and that her boyfriend would commute to work.

Again, I told her I’m sorry, but I can’t help you. I could help you look for a place though. She went off on me and told me that I’m such a selfish person because I have enough space in this apartment and I’m such a horrible person and sister and that I didn’t love my niece because I wouldn’t let them move in.

My sister has always been the kind of person that if she doesn’t get her way, she won’t talk to you until you end up being the bigger person and she doesn’t ever apologize and at this point I was just over it . Our relationship has never really been the same. After this incident, I didn’t meet my niece until she was about three years old. So I’m wondering if I was the wrong one in this situation. AITA?

What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:

Mysterious_South1467 said:

Why are you so spineless?

OP responded:

Harsh but somewhat truth. I actually cut her off about 2 years ago. I was tired of dealing with her drama plus i have kids of my own now and don’t like inconsistent people in their lives. I will say when I was younger I definitely let people walk all over me but that was then and since becoming a mom everyone can fuck off 😭

NefariousnessSweet70 said:

Why would you EVER let a thief back into your home? The sis and her partner / baby daddy can figure it out on their own. You are not responsible for the irresponsible an inconsiderate sibling. You and your dear husband continue to make a wonderful life for yourselves.

Ok_Resource_8530 said:

You do realize that they will leave that baby with you as soon they can. Stand your ground. It is time for little sis to grow up. If she needs a place to live, give her the address of a women's shelter. They will help her get a place. Do not babysit. She will not come back.

OP responded:

Oh, trust me, I know I went no contact with her two years ago She did visit me once for about a week when her baby, who was about a year old And she slept the whole time. I was taking care of her child. Never again.

Green_Plan4291 said:

You need to grow a pair and block her from your life.

OP responded:

I did two years ago, havnt reached out since and dont plan on it.

Naive-Reindeer4650 said:

Wow, please know how heavy my heart is that you even feel conflicted enough about this to ever think you’re wrong in this. It’s repeated behaviors, it’s gaslighting, almost everything in the book.

The only person who may have been TAH was your own mind and heart to yourself and in a sense your husband for letting familial love block your vision from this clear manipulation of what seems to be a major chunk of your life. Naw. Please never even let that be a thought in your mind. Be happy, be free from this. As hard as it may be.

And OP responded:

Thank you I appreciate your kind words. A couple of years have passed and whenever I think of reaching back out to her I just ask myself if it’s worth it and if I really want to deal with her drama.

I will say that my husband was pretty amazing and trying to avoid the fights with her but it honestly just made me uncomfortable that he couldn’t even enjoy his own space because she would criticize everything he did and try to start fights with him. But he has always been so supportive on my choices.