'AITA for not letting my sister bring her breastfeeding baby to my child-free wedding?'

"AITA for not letting my sister bring her baby to my child-free wedding even though she’s still breastfeeding?"

So, I (29F) am getting married to my fiancé (30M) this December. We've been planning this wedding for over a year, and from day one, we agreed it would be child-free. Not because we hate kids, but rather that we just wanted one night special night, with other adults, and stress-free. We just feel like, kids could cause a bit of trouble.

We wrote “child-free wedding” clearly on the invitations and even added a note explaining that we love everyone’s little ones but wanted to create a special evening for adults to relax. Everyone seemed fine with it, until my sister, lets call her A (32F) had her baby. A gave birth three months ago, and she’s been exclusively breastfeeding. I completely understand that it’s a tough stage.

I’ve been visiting, helping out when I can, and I adore my new niece. However, when the RSVPs came due, A texted me saying she’d be bringing the baby because she “literally can’t leave her.” I gently reminded her about the child-free rule. A then got upset and said I was being unreasonable because her baby “isn’t a toddler running around,” and that she’d sit quietly in the back during the ceremony.

She also said she’d leave if the baby got fussy. The problem is, if I make one exception, it becomes everyone’s problem. I have cousins who already asked if their kids could come and I said no. If they see a baby there, it’ll be a mess.

I told A, I completely understand her situation, but she might have to skip the ceremony if it’s too hard to be away from the baby, or come to just the reception once the baby’s asleep and her husband can stay home. She didn’t like that. She said I’m “punishing” her for being a mom and making her choose between family and her child.

I suggested she could pump or leave for a few hours, but she said the baby refuses bottles and gets hysterical if anyone else holds her. My mom and dad both called me afterward saying I should make an exception “for family.” My mom even said, “No one will mind one baby.” But I know they will. Some guests are already on edge because we had to limit plus-ones due to space.

Last week, A told me she’s not coming to the wedding at all. She said she’s heartbroken but that I “made my priorities clear.” That hurt a lot. I wanted her there. She’s my only sister. But I also feel like she’s the one choosing not to come. Now my family is saying I’m selfish.

For what it’s worth, my fiancé supports me and says if we give in now, we’ll regret it when everyone else complains. But I also keep thinking about how this might affect my relationship with my sister long-term. So, AITAH for not allowing my breastfeeding sister to bring her baby to my child-free wedding, even if that means she won’t come at all?

This is what people had to say to OP:

StatementWhole178 said:

As someone with an almost three month old who breastfeeds…it is not that easy. I would absolutely rather miss a wedding than have someone fight with my baby trying to get him to take a bottle and he might not eat.. you made your choice and she’s making hers which is rightfully, her child.

Hopeful_Emu849 said:

You're allowed to choose not to have children at the wedding. SHE'S ALLOWED TO NOT COME. "But I also feel like she's the one choosing not to come." So what? You can change your rule, make an exception, or accept that your sister won't be there. Period. Those are the only options. It's an invitation, not a summons.

celticmusebooks said:

Child free weddings typically make exceptions for "babes in arms" and immediate family so you'd be covered either way if you'd chosen to make it possible for your sister to attend.

The problem for close family at a "child free" event is that most of their trusted sitters will be at the wedding. Your child free "rule" was more important to you that your sister being at your wedding. Own it and move on. A lot of people will be focused on the missing sibling.

A week later, she shared this update:

Thank you for everyone that commented under my post. Every comment helped me a lot to realize, what I did wrong, and why I am indeed the AH. So, after your guys' feedback, I talked to my husband about it, because I told him about the post, and he saw everything as well. After some talking, we decided to allow her an exception.

It was only fair, especially when looking at your feedback. So, I texted my sister (A) again, saying I realize I've messed up, and asked her, if she wants to come to my wedding with her baby as an exception. She wrote, that she was pretty upset about not being able to come at first, but that she forgives me, and that she would love to come.

My family is very pleased about that as well. I then, notified most of the other guests, about the exception. Most of them pretty much completely agreed with me. Some were a bit annoyed by that, but so far, no one backed out, thankfully. Again, thank you all for your feedback and for helping me and my husband, to have a great wedding.