'AITA for not letting my sister bring her baby to my child-free wedding?'
"AITA for not letting my sister bring her baby to my child free wedding because she didn't let me attend her child free wedding when I was 13?"
My(26f) sister (41f) hasn't always had the best relationship due to our large age gap. My mum used to make her babysit me two days a week and she claims that because of that she harbours resentment towards me and can therefore not see me the same way she sees my other sibling.
My sister worked as a teacher and she moved out when she got married to save money being wasted on rent and to save for a down payment on a flat she and her current husband were interested in buying. My sister was always interested in having a big and glamorous wedding she's been planning her big day since before I was even born.
When my sister announced that she was having a child-free wedding when I was 13 years old I assumed that I would be able to attend. Since I wasn't a small child I wouldn't easily be upset or aggravated and end up ruining the ceremony.
This led to me being so shocked when she told me that I couldn't attend the wedding since it would upset the guests who had to leave their children at home although hardly any of her guests had children as a majority of them were just starting to get married.
My parents were very upset by this whole thing and told my sister they wouldn't cover the reception party if I wasn't allowed to attend and in response to this, my sister called off her wedding. My sister's fiance ended up crying and begging my parents to pay for the party as she wouldn't marry him otherwise and due to this my parents did pay for it.
This was honestly one of the worst days of my life especially watching my whole extended and my immediate family get ready for the wedding whilst I was being left with a babysitter.
So skip forward 13 years and I am now the bride and I decided that I want a child-free wedding just like my sister. All of my guests were fine with this as I'm not having a long or big wedding since I just want an intimate affair with my loved ones.
My brother's daughter is 12 so I allowed her to attend because she is not a baby but my sister's children are 1 and 12 so I told her that she can only bring her older daughter since I do not want a baby at my wedding. My sister blew up at this and called me several things and ended up calling my in-laws and telling them that I'm an asshole and that my fiance shouldn't marry me when she was severely drunk.
She did end up apologising for this but I told her that I hadn't changed my stance and that since the wedding isn't long it would be fine to leave the baby with the grandparents for not even a full day.
My niece was incredibly excited to be a part of my wedding but my sister has pulled her out as a favor to me as I want a child-free wedding but she's also trying to paint me as a villain by saying that I crushed my 13-year-old niece's dreams with my double standards.
My sister told me that she has never hurt me and that I'm terrible to her which is ironic since she never even let me attend her wedding. I'm just feeling very stressed as the wedding is soon and I just need everyone's thoughts about the situation. AITAH?
What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:
Lazuli_Rose said:
NTA. But be prepared- I have a sneaking suspicion that your sister's child will show up anyway and she's betting on you not wanting to upset the day and letting her stay. Get a couple of people who will turn her & the child away. Oh and if you parents try to get you to change your mind, ask them why they didn't fight for you like that?
OP responded:
The venue has someone to stand at the door and I've warned them to keep an eye out. I'm so scared of what shes planning.
Spacer_Spiff said:
NTA. Just uninvite sister and be done with it.
AtlantaDave998 said:
NTA. Your sister sounds like a proper c-word. Banning your own sister from your wedding is a terrible thing to do.
NeffAnnBlossom4eva said:
NTA. Your wedding, your rules.
Tell her you've changed your mind, and her 1-yr-old is allowed to attend, but SHE is not. I'll bet the toddler would behave a lot better.
LostInNothingBox said:
NTA. Btw tell your teen/pre teen niece that she's allowed to come, is her mother wants her to come. And that she has an invite from you.
OP responded:
I've told my niece that she's welcome at my wedding and ive told her my parents will take her if her mum refuses to but she says that the long term consequences wouldn't be in her favor.