'AITA for not letting my sister bring her cheating BF to my wedding?'

"Am I Wrong for not Inviting my Sister’s Cheating Boyfriend to my Wedding?"

My sister is dating this guy who has cheated on her and many other women. Before they dated he told her about how he was a cheater, liar and manipulator. He has been married a few times and cheated in all those marriages. His children don’t speak to him anymore (not my sister’s children, she doesn’t have kids) His father was also a cheater and he repeats the same patterns.

My sister confided this to me a couple of years ago and of course I told her to dump him and never trust him. So how she found out about him cheating on her with his ex went like this. He owns property and my sister found out that his ex was living in the property. She confronted him on this and he insisted the she was just renting the property and that my sister was being paranoid (gaslighting her basically)

Time went by and my sister couldn’t shake the feeling that he was cheating. He had left his wallet in my sister’s apartment and my sister looked in it and found his ex’s ID. Of course she confronted him again and he got really angry and accused her of going through his personal property and manipulated her into thinking she was the one at fault. After a big fight my sister finally got the truth out of him.

It turns out that he had been with his ex throughout the whole relationship with my sister and he was cheating on both of them. Of course he was crying and begging for forgiveness to pull on her heart strings. Then he goes and moves back in with his ex. My sister and him were broken up but over time they got back together.

She brought him to visit the family once and it killed me to see him talking to my family and them treating him so nice. They have no idea what he has done. I ignored him the whole time he was down and I’m pretty sure they could tell.

I am getting married soon and my fiancée asked my sister to be one of her bridesmaids. My sister said yes and she asked could she bring a +1. My fiancée asked me and I said to say no. In hindsight I should have told my fiancée to tell my sister to ask me so I’m definitely an a$$hole for that. I have apologized to my fiancée for that.

The next day I get a message from dad asking if I’m going to invite my sister’s boyfriend. I said no and made up an excuse about budget and stuff. I couldn’t tell them the truth because my sister confided in me. My parents confronted me on it a few days later and said “you have to invite him” but I said no and told them not to meddle.

I said that I have my reasons and they are just going to have to trust me. I also said that my sister never asked me if he can come. They said that she had asked my fiancée. So that’s how I knew she had told my parents about it and it wasn’t just a big coincidence that they were asking about it.

What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:

KemetMusen said:

I know your sister confided in you but she is setting you up to be turned on by the entire family. If she doesn't tell them maybe you should. I'm just biased though, I think I'd do that. You aren't wrong for not inviting him but not giving your sister a +1 is going to seem really unbalanced (and maybe not necessarily fair?).

PossessionNo93 said:

She needs help... the techniques he's using are DARVO... he's got a string of women he uses and abuses and she's the next in line... she needs to realize that he won't change, he only cares about himself and for goodness sake tell your parents... she's at real risk of serious emotional harm it's not time to keep a secret...

You're not wrong... it's your wedding and your guest list... but tell your parents and get her some professional help...

Thank you for apologizing to your fiancée.

snafuminder said:

Ask your sister if she wants to tell your parents why he isn't invited or do you need to do it.

anhardin11 said:

Yeah I'd definitely tell my parents. He's scum and you shouldn't have to tolerate him at your wedding because your sister hasn't got the good sense to move on. No way should you let your sister make you the bad guy when her boyfriend is a walking red flag.

OP, tell them. If she gets mad let her be mad. She tried to railroad you into inviting her boyfriend by tattle telling to your parents; two can play that game.

Mykona-1967 said:

Just tell them your celebrating a life of love happiness and monogamy and would prefer to share it with people of like mindedness. If they ask further have them ask sister. They should figure it out that dude is cheating in her the entire relationship and you don’t want him at your wedding when all you want to do is beat him up.

A few days later, he shared this in response to the commenters:

Thank you everyone for all your replies. It’s given me a lot to think about. I’ll be meeting my sister in a month and I’m sure we’ll discuss it then. It is going to be a very small wedding and nobody is getting a +1. Maybe she’ll understand that, maybe she won’t. We’ll both try and come to some understanding.

We'll keep you posted on any future updates!