'AITA for not letting my sister's step-kids stay with me while they're homeless?'

"AITA for not letting my sister's step-kids stay with me while they're homeless?"

Recently my sister and her husband of 4 years lost their home and they became homeless. They are currently in a shelter with my sister's 6 and 7 year old stepchildren who they have sole custody of. The reason they have full custody is linked to the reason they were made homeless and that's because of her husband's ex and the mother of my sister's step-kids.

My BIL ended his relationship with her after she started doing substances when the youngest was an infant. It was the start of a legal battle between them. There were times she would get unsupervised access to the kids every other weekend and other times she could only see them supervised by a third party.

Then about a year ago she lost her supervised visits and my BIL was awarded sole custody. She lost it and trashed their house and threatened them and she was arrested but she was released after a few days. My BIL did press charges but she was released while waiting for court.

While she was out there were more incidents of property damage but the ex was smart enough to cover her tracks. Then she did get arrested again for going after the kids while my sister was alone with them. The kids wanted their mom and it became a big mess and she physically went after my sister. Charges were pressed again but yet again she was released while waiting for the court date.

After many months of all this my sister and BIL were evicted by their landlord. They were not able to secure another place in time which led them to homelessness. The ex had her original court date and she was fined for the damage caused but no jail time and things are still up in the air about the second proven incident.

My sister hates the kids being homeless with her and BIL so she asked me to take them in while they figure stuff out. But I had to say no. I have a child of my own and another on the way and I don't want to put us in danger because of the crazy ex. There's is no doubt in my mind that she will come for us next once she realizes and she keeps a close watch over the kids so it will happen.

My sister and I talked about it and she begged me to risk it. She said it's for kids and keeping them safe is important. I told her keeping kids safe should always be the priority which is why I have to think of my children. This led to an argument where she accused me of not caring about her step-kids because they're not bio or adopted kids and therefore she believes they're not family enough for me to help.

I told her bio, step, adopted, it doesn't matter. I need to think about the safety of my own children. I told her she herself used to worry the ex would torch the house with her and her husband inside so why would I not be worried about my family.

BIL told me I could have taken extra safety measures and accused me of looking for any excuse to say no. I never wanted this to turn into a fight but now it has. AITA?

What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:

RevKyriel said:

NTA. Your sister is seriously saying that you should risk your and your children's lives just so her stepchildren can be more comfortable?

The crazy ex has already cost them their home, but your sister is willing to risk yours. And BIL thinks you can just take extra safety measures. Like what? You're not the AH here, OP, but your sister and BIL certainly are.

OP responded:

Yes, she is seriously asking that of me and she's angry I won't. Now she and BIL are both angry and I wonder if he would do the same in mine and my husband's shoes.

Responsible_Judge007 said:

NTA. They are nuts if they think you would jeopardize the safety of your children for them - doesn’t matter the reason!

Calm_Detail6819 said:

NTA think of your kids safety, don't get swayed or be guilt trip. Take extra measures double your locks, put up security cameras.

OP responded:

I would never change my mind. But I did want to know if holding firm on this would make me an AH because sometimes you can do the right thing but still be an asshole to someone else. For me my kids come first. Always.

Ok_Childhood_9774 said:

NTA, and your reasons are totally valid. Never invite crazy into your life, especially when you have children. Your sister and her husband will have to figure something else out.

And Stunning-Mall5908 said:

NTA because If taking extra safety measures was the answer BIL and family would not be in this situation.

MomsPasghetti said:

I can absolutely see both sides of this but at the end of the day this situation could put these kids in foster care which will disrupt their already hectic little lives. In addition - with you seeming to be the most stable next to kin the state will pressure you into fostering them. Is there any way for mom to not know they are with you?

I agree that it is opening up a lot of opportunity to invite crazy into your life and youre NTA for feeling that - this is a terrible and complex situation for everyone involved and I hope it resolves as peacefully as it can.

OP responded:

There's no way she won't find out the kids are with me. She is able to keep a very close eye on them and we don't know 100% how but she does.