'AITA for not letting my niece sew me a dress for a big career moment because she doesn’t do a good job?'
"AITA for not letting my niece sew me a dress for a big career moment because she doesn’t do a good job?"
I love my niece, and I support her creative expression. I’ve told her that she could make me a dress for running around the house, running errands, hanging out, etc. I’m happy to wear something she’s made at times where it’s appropriate. I’ve worn the acrylic scarf she crocheted me for a few years now and it’s not because it looks good.
She uses Youtube and tiktok tutorials, so she doesn’t know how to work off patterns, make tailoring adjustments, choose the right fabric, etc. On TikTok and other social media spaces the “cool” thing to do is announce that you made your garment from a ratty thrifted sheet using an old pair of shorts you had lying around.
Sometimes it looks good, sometimes it doesn't. But she doesn’t take the time to do things like pressing or finishing steams, trimming or sewing in ends, etc. When I’ve suggested it to her, she said it’s more authentic the way she does it.
She begged me to do an outfit for an event I have coming up where I’ll be on stage. I tried to let her down gently and said that I had a dress being tailored as we speak. She said I could wear that one to something else, but that I should wear something she made because it would be special and a bonding experience for us.
Everyone in my family is obsessed with “bonding experiences.” Everything has to be a bonding experience between the adults and kids. It’s exhausting. I reiterated my no, saying “No, I do not want you to make me anything.”
Her mom (my sister in law) is telling me that I care way too much about my appearance and my image. This is an event related to my career. The last thing I need to do is walk up on stage in something that doesn’t fit, or looks like it was made with a sheet. And especially because I am plus sized, how I look is judged more harshly.
SIL complaining about me being superficial is not new. I dared to buy ONE designer bag for myself and she did the whole thing you see on Reels, the whole “STUPID! I would just thrift a bag and put the rest of my money IN the bag!” bit.
I was briefly engaged and she would not shut up about how I supposedly wanted a wedding, not a marriage because I dared to want to pick out my own decor and not just use whatever she could scrounge up on Marketplace or get for sale at the craft store.
My career is the most important thing in the world to me right now. Obviously for my SIL, her child is the most important thing in the world to her. But am I correct to put my career ahead of her child’s feelings, or do my values automatically make me the AH?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
NTA. Your sister is giving major “I would let my kid sing to an airplane full of people” energy here.
"...telling me that I care way too much about my appearance and my image...."
So, is this her actually acknowledging her kid's work looks like garbage or what? NTA.
You need to learn a new term: “Information diet.” Actually, two: “gray rock method.”
Don’t give these people any information and they’ll have nothing to harangue you about.
And when they do, just say uh huh or okay cheerily and walk away. Learn how to facilitate both of your new terms and make them your skill set. NTA. Go with the tailored option. Of course you know this.
NTA. I’ve been a professional seamstress. Those finishing steps are crucial. Niece does not snip her threads, does not press her seams flat, and probably does no altering after the garment is made, all of which are necessary to ensure a good fit and a clean look.
Also. If she is not researching fabric types and the way they drape she will never be able to make a professional looking garment. And it’s okay if that’s her goal. But people are seeing through fast fashion and "thriftcore" poorly made clothing now. No one will pay your niece for POORLY MADE and homemade looking clothing.
The homemade look is fine but you have GOT to care about the details still if you want to make anything sale worthy. If she sews for fun it’s fine. If she has a passion she wants to pursue she NEEDS to do those steps she’s skipping.
Tell niece if she wants to try making a gown you’d gladly model it for her TikTok, but that you don’t want to put the weight of this event on your nieces shoulders. If she has never attempted a formal look before now is NOT the time for a first try.
It’s like if you needed a wedding cake. Sure, anyone can make a cake. But for a big event people are pickier, and invest more money and time to ensure it’s exactly what they want.
NTA, and I say this as someone who majored in fashion design and worked in the fashion industry. I like to sew for myself, but I don't take commissions, for a variety of reasons.
I don't need the pressure of making the *right* dress to fit a friend's vision, I don't know how they will feel about their body in it even if it's fitted to perfection, my efforts won't be properly recognized anyway, it's so time consuming, etc, etc.
But all of this is moot, since your employer *has a really strict dress code and wants you to look a certain way since you are not only representing yourself, but the company by-proxy.* So unfortunately you have to wear what your boss told you to wear. ;)
NTA. Your niece is putting her own ego over your need to be professional and her mom is enabling her behaviour. I hope your niece isn’t an adult but if she is, she needs a reality check.
NTA. You don't do damage to your professional image because your sister never taught your neice to accept the word "No".
NTA. This is for work, your livelihood. It is not a place to play dress up. If your SIL and niece need to accept that. If she wants her creations to be used professionally she needs to invest time into the craft as fit, seems being finished matters. Don’t let her guilt you into wearing something unprofessional, not finished and not fitted properly. I hope your event goes well.
NTA. It’s a career event, not summer camp. You’re not a villain for not wanting to wear a wrinkly sheet dress on stage. Supporting her hobby doesn’t mean sacrificing your professional image. Your SIL sounds mad you don’t wanna live life on hard mode like she does.