'AITA for not letting my sister borrow my car anymore after she got a ticket and didn’t tell me?'
"AITA for not letting my sister borrow my car anymore after she got a ticket in it and didn’t tell me?"
So, I have a cute younger sister, her name is Lydia. I must say she’s a good person, but she can be really careless at times. Sometimes last year her car broke down, and because most days I work from home, I offered to let her use mine occasionally to get to work or run errands.
It started fine, she was polite, filled up the tank after use, and always returned it on time. But over the past few months, she’s gotten more casual about it. She’d text me “Hey, I’m taking the car!” instead of asking, and sometimes she’d keep it overnight without saying anything. Now that wasn't the problem. Here's the gist.
Few weeks ago, I got a notice in the mail for an unpaid speeding ticket issued a month earlier. How? The photo showed my car, but obviously it wasn’t me driving. When I asked Lydia about it, she admitted it was her but said she “forgot to tell me” and thought she’d pay it later.
Guys, I was furious not just about the ticket, but because the fine increased since it wasn’t paid on time. Would you imagine that she laughed it off and said, “Common Mary you act like I crashed it or something.” Oh wow, after that I told her she couldn’t borrow my car anymore.
She got defensive, saying I was being “petty over a little mistake” and that “family should help each other.” Our mom took her side, saying Lydia “just made a small error that can be ignored” and that I should “let it go.”
Now my sister thinks she's not at fault and now barely speaking to me and keeps telling anyone that cares to listen that I’m “holding a grudge over money.” I don’t think I’m being unreasonable it’s not just about the ticket, it’s about respect and responsibility. But am I wrong for refusing to let her borrow my car?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
dizzyjones_294 wrote:
Is she paying the ticket?
OP responded:
No.
Uubilicious_The_wise wrote:
“Family should help each other.”
So how was not telling you about the ticket helping family exactly? Of course NTA here. It's your car and you can refuse use of it for any reason you like.
That said, this is a perfectly valid and understandable reason. In my opinion it's not about the money as things would like be completely different had she mentioned it as soon as it happened and paid it or at least paid you back but she didn't.
pesec1 wrote:
NTA.
"She made a small error" when she got the ticket.
Her attitude towards you (not telling you about the ticket, etc.) is choices that she repeatedly makes, not an error. Also, "holding grudge over money" is a cute way of saying "doesn't let me keep taking advantage of her."
HoneyTemporary865 wrote:
NTA. This is a huge risk. Is she on your insurance? if not they may not pay in the event of an accident whether it’s her fault or not. The fact she was speeding in your car shows she is careless.
The fact she didn’t tell you about the ticket is inexcusable. She has become way too comfortable telling you she is taking the car instead of asking.
No is a complete sentence. Mom can let her drive her car since it was a small error. She truly has no respect for you.
Entireraise98 wrote:
NTA. She should have owned her mistake, apologized, and immediately offered to pay you back for the increased fine. Now she's just stacking more disrespect on top of it. Your loan of your personal vehicle was a PRIVILEGE, not a right, and she FAFO. Considering her entitlement, that would be the last favor I ever do for her.
owls_and_cardinals wrote:
NTA. Your mom and Lydia are both downplaying this. Obviously the ticket is associated with your identity, which means it is on your credit. It's pretty egregious to not only forget to tell you about the ticket but forget to pay it, such that the fine is increased.
Not being able to borrow the car anymore after these infractions (which include announcing rather than asking to use the car, and not returning it without clearing that with you) is a perfectly natural consequence. Since your mom thinks you're so unreasonable it sounds like she'll be quick to turn her keys over to Lydia. Problem solved.
highlightltchy6722 wrote:
NTA girl you’ve helped enough if I were you I’d be sending a group text mom and ok cutie sis Maybe something like:
“This is not a small mistake. She’s been taking my car without asking, keeping it for days, not saying when she’ll bring it back, and now I’m getting tickets in the mail with late fees because she didn’t say a word."
"I pay for the car, the insurance, and the upkeep. She treats it like it’s hers and then leaves me to deal with the fallout. That’s not family helping family, that’s me getting used. I’m done with it. She broke the trust and she’s not driving it again. If she wants a car, she can get her own or start by paying me back for the ticket she ignored plus interest for being taken advantage of.”
2dogslife wrote:
Has your insurance risen because of the fine? It very well might. This is why auto-tickets are bad as they go against the auto and NOT the driver. Not only should she be paying the ticket, but I also wouldn't be giving her the keys going forward. She's had a year or more to save for a new (to her) car, so it shouldn't be your problem any longer.