'AITA for not letting my sister walk down the aisle in a wedding dress at my wedding?' UPDATED

'AITA for not letting my sister walk down the aisle in a wedding dress at my wedding?'

Here's the original post:

I, (29F) am getting married to the love of my life (30M) in a few months. We were highschool lovers, and childhood friends. He’s truly my best friend and everything I want in life. However, we both decided to wait until we were well off to be married, so we could have our once in a lifetime magical moment.

My sister, “Stacy” (21F) got married at 19 to someone who I like, but I’m not super close with. They were together for 5 months before he proposed. Their wedding was rushed, and half our family couldn’t even make it because of how soon it was planned and set up.

It was small, and just in a courtroom. No dress, party, etc, just a legal wedding. However, my wedding is around 19K, and we haven’t even finished everything. It took us ages to set everything up, and save.

Stacy recently came up to me while coming over (were close, and have dinner once a week at my place) and asked if she could walk down MY aisle and meet her husband, so she could “feel like a bride”. I laughed and asked if she was serious and she was…

She claims she never got her magic moment, and just wants to feel special once. But… it’s MY wedding and MY special day, she had hers. Stacy claims it will only be between us, and it won’t take away from me, but then I asked what she might wear and she showed me pictures on her phone of WEDDING DRESSES. Hard no for me.

She then asked AGAIN yesterday in front of my fiancé, and I think it was an attempt to pressure me, he laughed and said no, thinking it was a joke, like I did the first time.

My mother and Stacy’s husband say I’m being an a$$h@le because Stacy still isn’t rich, so she can’t afford another wedding even if she wanted one, but neither are me and my future husband. We just planned for YEARS. I just wanted one day for myself, but maybe I’m blowing it up because she never got the “bridal experience”. AITA?

What do you think? This is what top commenters had to say:

p0t3 said:

NTA, there is no conceivable universe where her walking down the aisle on your wedding day, at the location of your wedding, wearing a wedding dress will be "just between the two of you" and not detract from your day. It's rude of her to even ask

AwokenQueen64 said:

NTA- I see stuff like this on this sub, and I am shocked that people have the audacity to even ask stuff like this. It doesn't matter if she's your sister and her moment wasn't what she had hoped for. If you allow this, then your moment will be different than you imagined it to be, too. Your sister and her husband made their choices. They could have waited, but they didn't.

Imaginary_Building_4 said:

NTA, and it was incredibly tacky of your sister to ask this of you. It's your day and you have worked hard for it, don't let anyone diminish that for you.

Dull_Zucchini9494 said:

NTA - I'm just wondering how she is envisioning this situation in her head without it being a confusing spectacle. And if they want to continue to make a big deal out of this, you certainly can consider rescinding their invitations too. No.need to have her try something at your wedding and disrupt the ceremony. Plus your fiance said no. It's his day too.

1indaT said:

NTA. Well, this is a first for me. Never heard of someone wanting to walk down the aisle at someone else's wedding! And in a bridal gown! That would also be a hard no in my book

And Artistic-Arugula-571 said:

NTA AT ALL! For anyone missing out on OPs comments, here is a summary: - Stacy was born after the mother had a miscarriage so mother has always favored her (OP is in therapy now) - OPs father died recently of cancer - OPs grandmother died and left OP and Stacy with money.

OP put it towards savings and her apartment while Stacy spent the money on partying, nice dorms and clothing as well as paying for college. - Stacy dropped out of college to become a housewife (no she doesn’t have any kids) - When OP bought a home Stacy asked to HAVE the apartment OP owned - Stacy asks OP and their mother money for hundreds of dollars a month in groceries and other expenses

- the wedding dress that Stacy is planning on wearing down the aisle costs $500-$2000 but Stacy can’t afford a wedding fist and OP even had to pay for her hotel even though she only lives 1-2 hours away

- Stacy has refused to help OP with anything wedding related, going to pick out flowers, taste food - Stacy’s husband has been messaging OPs husband almost daily about this - it’s always been OPs dream to have this big wedding

In my opinion: OP seems very considerate and really does care for her sister. On the other hand I believe Stacy is walking all over OP — Stacy cannot afford a gift, has to have a hotel for the wedding within driving distance from her house but OP needs to pay for it, asks OP and her mother to give her hundreds of dollars monthly but at the last time can afford a $500-$2000 dress?

I understand that it can be difficult to see your sister struggle but the support OP has been providing her isn’t helping her. I believe Stacy needs tough love, provide her the same support as now but please cut off any financial support, whether that is monetary or itemized.

Stacy had free college that she chose to drop out of, Stacy chose to have a small wedding; Stacy chose to be a housewife. These chores are not OPs fault or responsibility to assist with. OP, your wedding is your dream. You have spent years saving up and probably years planning.

You are not selfish to want it to be about you. You deserve a day where you are recognized and it’s all about you. Also, please have a backup plan if your sister comes in a wedding dress - ex. Let her know, if you come in a wedding dress or pull any shenanigans I will have one of my fiancés friends kick you out.

Four days after her original post, OP shared this update:

Hello everyone, I just wanted to post an update on the situation with my sister, Stacy. I’m not sure how to add links to my old post, but I will try to find out. The day after I made the post, me, my fiancé, Stacy, and her husband met up for brunch. I told her she needed to hear me out fully, before she spoke, and thankfully she did.

In short, I told her as much as I love her, I’ve waited years for this day, and it was MINE. She had hers, and if she truly wanted she could have used the money I gifted her to get her own wedding. Her husband to cut me off and say that they needed the money for rent, but she didn’t let him talk.

I showed her the Reddit post, and she started crying, and asked her husband and my fiancé to step out for a few minutes. They both did, and she told me her husband and our mom had been the ones pressuring her, since she had admittedly been jealous, and told them both she wished she could have a larger scale wedding.

She said she had been over the whole thing, until her husband started saying it wasn’t fair because HE was jealous he couldn’t provide for her, and eventually complained enough she asked to walk down the aisle for him.

Stacy said she was willing to fully back out of the wedding, and would understand given the heartache she’s given me, but I told her that her husband would be the one without an invite, which she gratefully agreed to.

We talked more in depth on why she was jealous, and she said she regretted being married so early just so our father could be at her wedding. After a few more minutes and both of us crying and forgiving one another, I told her she could always tell me anything, even if it was between her and her husband.

When my fiancé and her husband came back in, I told Stacy’s husband he was uninvited, right then and there, and he seemed to understand why immediately, though he did groan about it, and call me multiple times, but I blocked him. (Again) Over the past few days, our mother has called to apologize, and me and Stacy have been talking much more openly and honestly to one another.

I decided to let her wear a dark silver or pale gold dress (to match my theme) and walk WITH me down the aisle, as my father sadly can’t. She told me I didn’t need to, but I insisted. (We ended up finding a dress we both love, and I got it as a gift for her) Thank you all for the support and kind words!

In response to her update, commenters weighed in:

The-Additional-Pylon said:

Very nice update. I was just curious though, how are you dealing with your mother?

OP replied:

She apologized, but since my father isn’t with us anymore, I’m letting her attend, because I don’t think I would be able to handle having both parents missing.

TopBug5766 said:

You’re such an amazingly, gracious woman. When I initially read your post, it stuck with me all day because I was so bothered by the position you were put in during such a special time in your life. I’m so happy to read such a sweet update and truly hope your relationship with your sister continues to grow stronger after this.

I am curious, did her husband apologize or offer any explanation for his actions? Also, what did your mom have to say about her part in the whole thing? Does she truly understand how tacky it was to even suggest such a thing?

And OP replied:

He didn’t apologize, though to be fair I didn’t let him, because I blocked him after he called the first three times after brunch. Our mother felt guilty, and says she knows it’s wrong and she’s going to try and grow from this, and that’s really all I can ask.