'AITA for not letting a stranger get married in my backyard?'
"AITA for not letting a stranger get married in my backyard?"
I have been living in my house for about 15 years, got it after a family lost it to foreclosure, which is admittedly really sad... but also it is what it is. A few weeks ago, a young woman came to door and explained that she grew up in my house and had always dreamed of getting married in the backyard where she used to play with her childhood sweetheart who she's now marrying.
She wanted to know if I would oblige her request and let her have her wedding reception there. She offered to pay for anything related. I politely declined. I don't really want a bunch of people in my yard and I have actually done a bunch of renovations to add a berry patch, deck, outdoor kitchen area, rose and hydrangea bushes, and a few other things I just dont want messed up by the would be attendees.
She became pretty irate and tried to argue with me, then started crying, and it just all seemed sort of histrionic to me personally. I asked to leave and she did and I never heard from her again.
But then today my neighbor who has always been very nice to me called me a "nasty person" and that he heard from the family I wasn't going to let the woman marry in my yard. Am I a jerk? This seems like an odd request and I am a bit overwhelmed that I may earn a bad reputation in my neighborhood if it spreads around.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
NTA. It’s your property. Plus, what about insurance? You have to have special insurance to cover something like that. Too much to ask a stranger to do simply because you bought a house.
belowupstairs (OP)
I didn't even think of that. But it's very true.
You don’t even have to explain yourself. Just tell them your insurance won’t cover her being on your property. No insurance and the bank will have an issue with your mortgage etc.
This. IF the bride had been polite about it, I would've tried to compromise, and maybe offered for the couple and possibly the wedding party to take some pictures back there. But the whole shindig? No way. Hosting a whole party made up of total strangers is a sure guarantee that your property will be trashed, and people would try to come in the house.
And you know that once it's over, the couple would nope out forever, and OP would left covering the damages out of pocket. Or paying huge premium increases, if they filed an insurance claim (and that's IF theit insurance doesn't cancel them, because insurance companies love to do that, after they pay a claim).
And I'd offer nothing to someone who acted the way the bride did. Like she was entitled to use the yard, because her fiancee once lived there, long ago? Wtaf?? NTA.
Nah, mate, NTA. It's ur pad, end of story. Woulda been nice, sure, but it's not like she had her wedding booked in ur yard & u canceled last min 😂. She gotta respect boundaries, dude, & it sounds entitled af she'd kick off like that. Hope things chill out in ur neighborhood, no one wants drama. 👍👌
NTJ - not at all. The liability alone would be unreasonable. Not to mention if they decided to have alcohol. NOPE! No way. Where would they expect to pee? BTW - be careful and watch your home. If she is entitled enough to ask that and behave like she did, she may just decide to do it anyway. That would be a police call.
I certainly don't think you're TJ here for not wanting to let a stranger get married in your backyard, by any stretch. Especially with the potential of liability issues, practical restroom needs for guests, and potential alcohol consumption.
And yes, she certainly got a bit over the top about it.. but considering the foreclosure and the memories, I can at least sympathize. Now, if you wanted to be empathetic and understanding, I would have suggested that you would be open to allowing them to take some wedding or engagement photos in your backyard.
Whether you want to extend that olive branch through the neighbors or not, I have no idea how that would go now that things have gotten awkward. It might be a bad idea.. but it also might be a thoughtful and compassionate one that allows her the emotional closure she's probably looking for. Your call, but that would be the thoughtful compromise.
Tell your nosey and nasty neighbor that if he wants to cover the cost for the liability insurance, the clean up, the security, and pay for any damages to your yard and property, maybe you'll consider it. NTA.
How are you the jerk? No one in their right mind would let a stranger into their house let alone letting them throw a party. If they get injured you will be liable. Also they could destroy your house. Don’t do it!
NTA. But you are missing something really important here. How old was this young woman? 23? 25? Or maybe 30? I’m asking because you have lived there for FIFTEEN YEARS.
So if she’s 23, she left at age 8. If she’s 25, she left at age 10. So if she’s marrying her childhood sweetheart who used to play in your garden with her, his family has a garden of their own very close by. 8 or 10 year olds don’t travel long distances to play with their friends.
Does this make sense? I hope it does. And you might want to talk to your neighbour again and point out the blatantly obvious points I just made.