"AITA for not liking being tagged on Facebook?"
For context, I am 19 and I'm living with my fiance and I'm currently not working. My fiance has a good job and is allowing me to focus on school. Before this incident happened I went over to my bff's house to hangout while she was home from college. Her and her mom are very judgmental and I've gotten into fights with my bff about my life choices.
While I was over her mom started asking me questions about my life and I told her about me focusing on school and she seemed very judgmental in her tone and responses but I didn't say anything to her about it in the moment because I know my bff had already told her everything I was telling her. For additional context, her mom is very overbearing and has to have her hands on everything.
She has also been best friends with my mom since I was little. She often calls herself my second mom but it's purely one sided. A few days ago I got a notification that I had been tagged in a Facebook comment section so I looked at it. The post was announcing that a coffee shop was hiring and for people in the area to apply.
I was weirded out but this but I didn't say anything to her about it and went to my friend and said "your mom just commented my name under a job listing on Facebook" after which my friend got mad and told me she was just trying to help and all she does is care about me. I told her that it was overstepping, kinda rude, and the job wasn't even in my area.
My bff completely lost it after that and she told me that I am being ridiculous and what her mom did was completely reasonable. I didn't say anything mean it was just how I felt about the situation which I wasn't even going to say anything other then it was weird until she got mad. But anyway she hasn't responded and I don't know if I need to apologize or just let her be.
Edit: I tried talking to her about it and she got mad and told me I said nasty things to her and she couldn't be my friend because I disturbed her peace. So 17 years of friendship down the drain I guess 🤷🏻♀️
Here's what people had to say to OP:
choice-newspaper3603 wrote:
That's a little long for me to read...just adjust your Facebook settings. I am pretty sure you can turn off the ability to be tagged. Also you can unfriend people.
Ordinary-Audience363 wrote:
Her mom overstepped. Maybe BFF is just getting defensive because she deep down knows what her mom did was rude but it's her mom so she needs to defend her. Don't apologize. Her Mom was rude. BFF was rude. Let them apologize. It does sound like jealousy at work here. NTA.
Weird-Roll6265 wrote:
You are an adult, and she is your friend's mom, NOT your mom. If people want to apply at this new coffee shop, awesome but you are busy with school and your own life. PS you can un-tag yourself on Facebook posts, and while you're at it I'd block her mom. NTA.
sootfire wrote:
Do you actually like your BFF? Why are you spending time with either of these people? NTA though. It's smart to focus on school as much as you can. Just make sure you have a plan in case things with your fiancé don't work out. Regardless even if you were making terrible choices it would be none of her business unless you asked for help.
talkandtea wrote:
You're 19, not a 40-year-old. Nothing that you are doing is bad if you're in a position to focus on school do it. The mom is very strange. I wouldn't ever do that even on a job board. I would link it to a private chat if I thought it applied for anyone. Your BFF and her mother are talking behind your back. Why she feels you should not study I can't understand.
drm66 wrote:
NTA. I wouldn't classify your reaction being related to being "tagged on Facebook", but on your BFF's mom's passive aggressive judgmental post about getting a job after you've just said you're focusing on school.
You definitely don't owe anyone an apology. Stop chasing after this 'friend", who isn't much of a friend imo since she's obviously been gossiping to her mom behind your back. Be careful what you share in future!
Gnarly_314 wrote:
NTA.
I wouldn't even do that to my own children. If a job looks suitable, I will share it privately. After the share it is up to them to ignore or act on it.
Living-Ear8015 wrote:
No, don’t apologise. You’ve told her that you are focusing on school. Is there an option to prevent tagging in comments via Facebook? I’ve definitely stopped people posting on my timeline without my ability to review and release. NTA.
Bluebellemr wrote:
Unfriendly the mom on Facebook, change your settings so you can approve posts. I would probably chill on what I told my bff going forward and if she can’t keep it to herself, then you may want to move on.
Dittoheadforever wrote:
You're NTA but just change your settings so you can't be tagged in a post without your approval.
Oh, and block that judgmental, annoying, self described second mom.