"AITA for not lying to my kids about Christmas presents?"
My MIL/FIL are giving their 4 children/spouses (7 total) and 4 grandchildren a trip to Disneyland for Christmas. Before she purchased the gift, she checked with each couple/child to see if we would accept the gift. Each of us obviously said yes.
So now that my MIL has spent $15K for 9 adults and 4 children to spend a week at the happiest place on earth and just a few days before Christmas, my SIL has decided that she does not want her children (7F and 3F) to receive the gift on Christmas but would like to wait until Easter.
Her reasoning is that her children deserve to open more than one "small" gift on Christmas and she doesn't want to deal with the excitement of the present for 6 months. She would also like my children (7F and 5F) to hide this gift from their cousins until Easter.
I have told my SIL that my children will not lie just because she feels entitled to decide when and how she'll receive a gift, especially since she already agreed to the gifts month ago.
Additionally, I said I won't let my children lie because she doesn't know how to parent her children in a way that makes it easier to anticipate something exciting other than hide it from them completely. AITA for not agreeing to my SIL's plan?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Revolutionary_Low581 wrote:
I don't understand - is the one small gift from the same grandparents? Surely that is not the only gift they are going to get? Your SIL will get her own kids presents? Her 7 is old enough to understand & her 3 won't understand unless thats the only present. This is something she could have brought up at the time the idea was offered. You are NTA and your kids should neither hide the gift or lie.
OP responded:
My MIL is planning on giving the Disneyland trip as a present (think shirt, stuffy, pretend ticket). My SIL thinks my MIL/FIL should do "regular" Christmas gifts as well.
Constant_Host_3212 wrote:
NTA. It's up to the gift giver to decide what kind of gift it is. What does she even mean "her children deserve to open more than one "small" gift on Christmas". Is she actually asking/requiring her MIL and FIL to give her children different gifts on Christmas? That's way out of line and not really fair to your kids if they don't get additional gifts as well.
OP responded:
Yes, she feels like my MIL/FIL should give her children additional gifts because this isn't enough presents.
Anxious_Alps_9430 wrote:
Your position is reasonable, but your delivery was a little harsh. I'm surprised your in-laws are agreeing to their Christmas present becoming an Easter present for one set of grandchildren. I would think the excitement of all the grandchildren learning they're going to Disney on Christmas would be part of the fun for them.
OP responded:
My in-laws haven't agreed yet. My MIL is devastated.
Ok-Till-5289 wrote:
Nope, NTA. Your SIL doesn't get to change things, this is a gift from the grandparents who very respectfully gave everyone a say in whether they wanted it. NOW your SIL wants them to buy additional presents because she wants her kids to have other presents to open?
Why doesn't SHE get HER kids more presents if that is what is important to her? She is acting entitled. As for dealing with kids excitement? what's wrong with them being excited?
CottonMercer666 wrote:
NTA at all. So, your in-laws dropped 15K for 9 adults, and four children to spend a week at Disney land at Christmas. And your SIL wants to change the time for her family from Christmas until Easter? Wow. That's a really self-absorbed move.
So, does your SIL realize that there might be a hefty fee to change dates so late in the game? Even if by the grace of whatever god you pray to there isn't a change fee, why would she even think to ask for the change? It sounds like your in-laws were wanting their whole family together for Christmas, and SIL is ruining it. She may be a lousy parent, but she's also a lousy human.
upbeat-assistant8101 wrote:
NTA. The 'gift' is to the family is a Christmas gift. It's disrespectful to the givers to not have the gift appropriately acknowledged and to demonstrate gratitude. You cannot expect kids to hold their breathe for a week ... much less, months! Did your brother lose the plot, or acquire a new culture? That your SIL thinks deceit is an acceptable trait to instil in young children.
Retrogram033 wrote:
NTA. Your SIL is trying to dictate how other people receive a gift and how they parent. She's way out of line. She could use the time between now and then to develop constructive ways to manage her own children's excitement.
Geez, it could even be fun...she could look forward to the trip WITH her kids. She could do fun projects with them...for example, make a map of Disneyland and mark everything they want to ride.
Which ride/event do we want to do first? These activities could even help the trip go more smoothly by reducing fights. Another discussion could be about food and snacks. There could also be practice for the kids on what to do if someone gets hurt or sick...where's the first aid station, where do we meet if someone gets lost, etc? The possibilities are endless.
revengeofthebiscuits wrote:
NTA. I’m not a parent but I’ve planned Disney trips with friends’ kids and they love having something to look forward to. Maybe they’re just super special kids but I have also never heard any friends complain about their kids’ excitement about an upcoming Disney trip. All of that aside, your SIL doesn’t get to dictate when a Christmas gift is given.
squiffyflounder wrote:
NTA. “Deal with the excitement” that’s the point of Disney lol My in laws did this a few years ago, we didn’t have to wait 6 months but it was months. Not a single Sibling in law complained about having excited kids. Mark it on the calendar and let them count down.