'AITA for not making my daughter go to a girl's birthday even if no one is going?'
"AITA for not making my daughter go to a girl's birthday even if no one is going?"
So I am really torn on this and I don’t know what I should do… so...this year a girl (I will call him Emilia) joined my daughter’s school. We go to private school and the classrooms are very small.
Emilia has been an issue this school year. She is very disruptive in classes and we had an issue around Halloween of her stealing peoples food at lunch. My daughter was involved and she received an apology for that.
Soon after we got a school email to remind the kids about personal boundaries and not touching people. I asked my daughter and it was due to Emilia kept hugging people…
This is 5th grade. My daughter is overall not the biggest fan on her. I have interacted with Emilia before and I believe she is on the autistic spectrum (no confirmation on that). This leads to the main issue. Emilia sent out invites for her birthday and my daughter doesn’t wish to go.
I think she is old enough to make that type of decision. The problem is I have talked to some other parent (my daughter's friends parents) and they are not going either. It is next Saturday.
It seem to be that no one will be going to Emilia’s birthday. I am torn if I should make my daughter go or not. On one hand she is old enough to decide if she wants to go and the other hand it would be kind to Emilia if I made my daughter go.
I know my daughter's friends parents doesn’t wish to go at all so this would be forcing her to go. I don’t know. NOTE: the card didn’t have an rsvp, and I don’t have their number. (I could try to get it for my he school or maybe run into them at pickup?)
Here's what people had to say to OP:
MovieLazy6576 said:
NTA. We shouldn’t teach girls to go into situations that make them uncomfortable to please others.
teresajs said:
NAH. It's okay for your daughter to have autonomy over choosing whether or not to attend a party. It's important, however, to teach your daughter to give her regrets early so the family of her classmate can plan accordingly.
ArtisticLicence said:
My daughter is autistic and difficult to love. When 2 kids out of the whole class came to the last "whole class" party we held, she was beside herself with joy that 2 people came and had a wonderful time.
Because kids like this, who do the most unlovable things really still need love and friends. However, it is really your daughter's decision. If she turns up with an unhappy attitude, that won't help anyone either. Try but don't force. NAH.
throwawayacctmom said:
NTA. As a parent of an autistic child, it's very sad to think that no one will be showing up to her birthday party, but it's not fair to your child to make her attend something that would make her uncomfortable.
But please, if you do nothing else, please RSVP and say that you're not going. If you can, have your friends do it too. The only thing worse than having no one show up to your birthday is expecting people to show up and be ghosted.
If Emilia's parents get RSVPs and know ahead of time that no one is coming, they can plan a special day for her instead. Please don't ghost because you're embarrassed for not going, that would indeed make you the AH.
hewoodbeyond said:
NTA. Teaching your daughter to be inclusive and kind in shared spaces (school) is the right move. Teaching that she should do something out of obligation and guilt in her free time not so much.
spaghettifiasco said:
NTA. Whether or not she is autistic has nothing to do with the situation. She's disruptive, she steals, and she doesn't keep her hands to herself (presumably despite the other kids asking her to stop touching/hugging them).
It's her parents' and teachers' responsibility to correct Emilia's behavior and help her learn. It is not a ten year old child's responsibility to put another kid's needs before her own, nor is it your responsibility to offer up your kid at the expense of her comfort so Emilia has a guest at her party.
After reading the comments, OP provided an update:
I have decided I am going to respect my daughter no on this. she already explained why she doesn’t want to go and I will respect it. I am going to try to run into the parent at pickup today and tell her that we won’t be able to attend and wish them a happy early birthday.