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Teens opt out of step and half-siblings’ birthdays, dad calls mom 'heartless.' AITA?

Teens opt out of step and half-siblings’ birthdays, dad calls mom 'heartless.' AITA?

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"AITA for not making my kids attend their half and stepsiblings' birthdays?"

I (42f) have two children (16f and 14m) with my ex (44m). Our marriage ended because he cheated on me, at least 12 times, while I was pregnant with our son. More than likely all throughout our relationship and marriage but I know of those times during my second pregnancy.

I told him our marriage was over and we divorced after our son was born. He married one of his other women and that marriage lasted only a few weeks. Then my ex met Janelle. I'm not actually sure how old she is so I won't give an age.

My ex and Janelle got married very fast. Less than a year after his second divorce. She came with her own children and they had some kids together. Ever since they met they have been on and off, having more kids both inside and outside of their marriage, and moving a lot because of the frequency of their breakups.

My kids hated being with my ex for this reason and they never had a good relationship with anyone in his household, including him. For a long time we had 50-50 custody of our kids and he didn't always take that time.

Sometimes because he was homeless, other times because he was busy with Janelle or some other woman. There were also some occasions where he simply never said why and just didn't pick them up.

To the best of my knowledge he has seven kids total now. And four stepchildren. But those numbers might not be accurate because I don't fully know all the ins and outs of his household or his family now. Our kids reached a point two years ago where they said they no longer wanted to go to their dad's house.

I asked the judge to change the custody order to reflect that and for about 6 months there was a transitional period of court ordered therapy with my kids and my ex to try and fix this, but he didn't show some of the time and that was enough to make the judge say the kids could choose visitation or not.

They have chosen not to go to their dad's and I support this. They really don't have anything to do with him or the other children. This didn't appear to be a problem until recently when my ex called and told me he wanted them to come to his 10 year old's birthday party and he said they needed to start showing up to the other kids' birthdays and there have been questions about where our two are and why they never see them.

I didn't make him any promises that the kids would be there because I never intended to make them go if they didn't want to, which they didn't. They said they really don't want to see the other kids or be there for their birthdays.

That 10th birthday was a few weeks ago and my ex has reached out repeatedly and called me disgusting for not making our kids go to show love to their step and half siblings. He told me that's a relationship that needs work and I told him I won't force it and he needed to stop contacting me about it.

He sent me a video of the birthday child crying and said that was how sad they were over the kids not coming. I have no way of knowing if that's true or not. He followed up with another video of some kids saying they missed my kids and to "come home soon".

I got a unknown number text, who I assume was Janelle, telling me to stop being such a petty and heartless b-word and make the kids be there for all their siblings. I have documented everything but have not responded more and there have been more texts. I did want to ask AITA for not making my kids go?

Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:

NTA. Your kids are old enough to make up their own mind, and they did. I wouldn't force them to go either.

Hell even a judge determined these children could overrule their man-child father. If i were OP I would threaten to sue for harassment if they don't stop and then follow through... NTA OP.

So at least 7 kids have attended your two kids birthdays...along with your ex? No? Allrighty then....NTA.

NTA - time to go to one of those parenting-apps. Where all contact is through the app, and everything/everyone else is blocked on your phone. I believe you can upload texts and such too (but I've never used them, but I hear good things).

I would go no contact with both of those parents if I were you. Anything monetary needed for expenses can go through the court. Continuing any conversation with them is just going to be abusive and manipulative.

No-Economics3043 (OP)

I have researched those parenting apps and asking the judge to have us use that could help. Because I still need to have communication with him. Even though he doesn't get visitation he needs to be informed about certain things relating to our kids. I can get to work on that.

NTA. Obviously. Have you given him and her a list of all the times he failed to show up for his kids? And sounds like given how many he has spread out all over the place, if your kids were to attend his other children's birthdays they won't have time for anything else. Frankly I'd tell them since they think you're bitter now or whatever you might as well lean into it.

Sounds like he doesn’t like people asking where his other 2 kids are and it is easy to blame you. NTA.

So, what do you think about this one? If you could give the OP any advice here, what would you tell them?

Sources: Reddit
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