AITA for not making a separate meal for my brother's picky girlfriend?

AITA for not making a separate meal for my brother's picky girlfriend?

I (30F) love hosting family dinners. My brother, "Tom" (28M), recently started dating "Chloe" (27F), and this past weekend was the first time she was meeting the whole family at my place. A few days before the dinner, I asked Tom if Chloe had any dietary restrictions. He was a bit vague and said, "She can be a little picky with fancy stuff, but don't worry about it. She'll find something to eat."

Taking him at his word, I made what I usually make for big dinners: a nice roast chicken, garlic mashed potatoes, roasted asparagus, and a big salad. I didn't think it was overly "fancy," just a classic, nice meal.

When it was time to eat, Chloe was visibly hesitant. She only took a small scoop of mashed potatoes. I asked her directly, "Chloe, would you like some chicken?" and she quietly said, "Oh, I'm okay for now, thank you." She didn't touch anything else for the rest of the meal, just pushed the potatoes around her plate. The mood was a little awkward because it was obvious she wasn't eating.

After they left, Tom called me, upset. He said I put Chloe in a terrible position. He reminded me that he told me she was a picky eater and that I should have noticed she wasn't eating anything and offered to make her something simple, like plain pasta or just some unseasoned chicken. He said my failure to do so made her feel judged and unwelcome.

I argued back that he told me not to worry about it. I feel like Chloe is an adult, and if she needed something different, she could have said so when I asked her directly. Tom thinks that as the host, I should have read the situation and been more accommodating instead of letting her sit there hungry. AITA for not intervening and making her a separate meal?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

abstract_lemons wrote:

NTA. A 27 yo that won’t even eat roast chicken because she’s “picky,” is a few leaps beyond picky. No reasonable adult would assume they need to make up a plate of plain buttered noodles for a grown adult at a dinner party. Your brother lacks the basic critical thinking skills of a 12 yo if he is actually placing any responsibility on you.

This whole situation makes me glad that I stopped dating “picky” eaters after a very embarrassing “chicken fingers” incident at a Michelin star restaurant. Life is too short to eat of the kids menu for the rest of your life

Edit: not that great a story, just a learning experience for me. 1 year anniversary with a picky eater. We went to a very fancy restaurant, which he picked and made the reservation for. After I picked what I wanted off the menu and he was still deciding, I told him my order and went to the restroom. When I returned, he’d ordered. I asked what he chose, and he said “chicken fingers.”

I thought he was pulling my leg. But nope. He had ordered chicken fingers (off the menu). They made them and served them even though they were not on the menu. And the line item was “children’s menu miscellaneous.” Not that huge a deal. But it was embarrassing for me to be with someone who would waste an experience like that ordering chicken fingers and fries.

Niccon43 wrote:

NTA you made roast chicken, and while I love a nicely roasted chicken, I would class that as a basic meal. Next time give her plain corn flakes, thats nice and bland, she should enjoy that.

accomplished_help_44 wrote:

NTA but Tom is. When asked, he should have been clear that picky means she eats only bland, unflavored food. Had he told you that, you could have made sure she had some cardboard flavored food to eat. It was his job, as her partner, to make sure you were aware when you asked.

glass_bee_416 wrote:

NTA. This is going to be rage bait. At my house, there has never been concessions to anyone. The food is on the table. The options are: eat or don't eat. If you don't eat, I wont be upset about it. If you eat and enjoy it, all the better. If more people did this at home, there'd be less picky children that grow into picky adults who, in fact, look like poorly raised children.

I'm from southern Europe. Feeding is an act of love and communion and social life. We live at the table. Stuff like this is just this new American wave of everyone is not only different but every whim needs to be acknowledged, catered to and even cherished.

We are all part of the same society and, if we want to take our place in it (and we should, loneliness is a creeping epidemic) then we need to abide by some rules, including sometimes eating stuff we don't like as much, make small talk and hang out with people we like a lot and some others we like less.

I do know some picky eaters and they survive just fine, if sometimes poked at for it. If you need to attend some work functions, this will be poorly looked upon.

Ugly_Quenelle wrote:

NTA, but I don't think Chloe is either. It sounds like she was a polite guest and actively tried to make it look like she was eating, so pointing out her reluctance to eat and offering something else probably would have made her feel worse.

Your brother is the only AH here.

zzzstinky wrote:

NTA! they’re both adults who seem to be able to communicate fine when they think they’ve been “judged." Where were their mouths and ability to communicate when it came time to let you know about how picky she is? He can’t expect you to read the mind of a stranger that’s kind of ridiculous.