'AITA for not making my son apologize for teasing my stepdaughter? It's just sibling stuff.'

"AITA for not making my son apologize for teasing my stepdaughter?"

Me (36f) and my husband Rob (45m) live together with my kids, Caleb (15m) and Angel (11f) full-time, their dad is flaky. Rob's daughter Kady (16f) comes off every weekend. We are also expecting a baby boy in November. Kady is angry about our marriage and has made her displeasure known, she gives me and my kids the cold shoulder and only speaks to us when she is forced to.

Rob and his ex were separated for about two years before divorcing, in no part to me. We knew each other socially through my brother but we didn't start anything until his divorce was finalized. We got married fast 7 months after because I was honestly gun-shy of wasting time without a commitment due to my kids’ father stringing me along for years.

I have spent the past year trying to make nice with Kady but she continually freeze us out. My daughter is shy so she pretty much enjoy being on her own or hanging out with her friends. But Caleb doesn't like Kady and has called her a ‘bi#$h’ and ‘AH’ behind her back which I corrected.

This week, my son had friends over and I guess he told them not to acknowledge her because they spent the whole time not looking at her and pretending she wasn't there. When she came into the door, they would pretend the door opened by itself and fake freaked out like it was a ghost.

They ordered food and didn't order anything for her, and didn't share what they ordered. There was regular food in the house and she had a debit card but she got pissed and called her dad, telling him what was going on. Caleb started laughing at her and called her a snitch and that turned into a shouting match.

At this point, I was coming home and got the story from Caleb and his friends. I sent the friends home and sent them both to their rooms to cool down. I felt things were settled, siblings fight, but it's not that deep. Rob came home heated and feels Caleb should apologize because he's “bullying” Kady. I told him if Caleb ignoring her was b#llying then Kady is the biggest bully in the house.

I told him if he wanted an apology from Caleb and his friends, Kady needed to apologize also to me and my kids. He keep insisting that they boys went too far but I'm over it and told him if Kady couldn't handle it she could stay home with her mom or he can spend weekends at a hotel with her alone. AITA for not making my son apologize?

The internet did not hold back.

PS_is_BS wrote:

"I told him if Caleb ignoring her was bullying then Kady is the biggest bully in the house"

But they didn't really ignore her, did they?

"When she came into the door, they would pretend the door opened by itself and fake freaked out like it was a ghost."

The above is not ignoring. It's bullying. Your son is a bully. You got in your feelings because she ignored you. And now you are okaying your son's bullying of her.

Not expecting much from a woman who expended her energies quickly tying a man to her so she'd make sure he stayed with her. And not on making sure things were right with him and their combined kids before blending families. Your priorities are messed the hell up.

"He keep insisting that they boys went too far"

Your husband is right. They went too far.

ESH except maybe your youngest daughter. I don't blame your son and your stepdaughter though. I blame you and your husband for putting your selfish needs ahead of your children's well-being. You two shouldn't have married that fast. And not when your kids weren't all on board with the decision.

Hopefully this incident will open your husband's eyes. Make him stop being led by his dick. And work on being a good father to his daughter. Maybe he'll take you up on your hotel suggestion. Maybe he'll make it a permanent move. And maybe he'll take the time to sort his daughter out. And then work out a co-parenting situation with you and the son you are about to have.

"We got married fast 7 months after because I was honestly gun-shy of wasting time without a commitment due to my kids’ father stringing me along for years."

After reading the above, I honestly don't have much hope for your kids. I don't think you'll get your head out of your a#$ anytime soon in order to be a good mother to them.

ComplexFancy8611 wrote:

Actively acknowledging someone’s presence by pretending they aren’t there through “was that a ghost” play is not the same as ignoring. It’s much worse. It is indeed b**lying and sorry, YTA here.

justthewayyouare wrote:

You rushed into marriage after not even a full year together, now you’re pregnant, and you want her to get over it and play nice? A year of marriage is nothing, her parents were married for over ten and then her life blew up and a few months later along comes you and two new siblings and soon a third.

Can you seriously not maybe see this from her POV? How can you lack this much empathy at your age? Your son needs to apologize and honestly, so do you. You need to take several steps back and think about her feelings for once. YTA.

Old_Inevitable8553 wrote:

YTA. By not disciplining him, you're making it clear to your son that such actions will continue to be tolerated. As in, he can say or do whatever he wants to Kady and not worry about you punishing him.

That is just going to make things escalate. Which is definitely not okay.

What makes it worse is that you seem to forget that Kady is going through a tougher time than your daughter and that brat you call a son.

Because you're there all the time and so is your husband, their stepfather. Kady only gets to see him on the weekends. During which she has to share his attention with a whole new family. Instead of being such a witch, try thinking about how that makes her feel for a change. And honestly, if all Kady does is ignore you and rarely speaks to you, that isn't being a bully.

That's just someone keeping their distance. Whereas your son and his friends went out of their way to be nasty to Kady. Showing that they are little snots in need of some serious discipline. Something you need to step up and handle before her dad decides that you aren't worth his time. As she is his daughter and she will always come before you.