'AITA for not wanting to marry my lying fiancé in a few days?'
"AITA for not wanting to marry my lying fiancé in a few days?"
From the beginning we loved each other passionately . Everything was almost perfect until recently when i found oyt that my fiance had been hiding the fact that he has a child. I found out from his cousin who had too much to drink and decided to give a toast to our future marriage.
His speech ended with some very clear hints that my fiance had been engaged before and has a daughter from that previous relationship. Later, my fiance confirmed that his drunk cousin had accidentally told the truth and that he has a 6yo daughter whom he's seen only once.
Now I feel like I need time to process this information and I don't want to smile like a hypocrite at our wedding pretending everything is fine. Given how intense and pure our relationship felt I wouldn't have minded if he already had a daughter .We had planned to have a large family with lots of kids.
He was very excited and kept telling me how he couldn't wait for us to have our first child together. Now I realize that besides hiding the existence of his daughter he also lied when he said he wanted to be a father for the first time. What kind of father abandons his daughter? What kind of father will he be to our children?
The event is already paid for, with financial contributions from both his parents and mine. I feel like I'm in a nightmare situation that I don't know how to escape . I'm afraid of disappointing those who love me and have done nothing wrong
I'm 90% decided to call off the wedding to give myself time to think about whether to continue this relationship, but I'm tormented by the thought that I'll be the a^%$ole in the eyes of everyone involved. F%$#$, I'm crying like an idiot while writing this ...
Here's what people had to say to OP:
NTA. You have just been blindsided and deserve time to process your feelings. If both sets of parents are reasonable you will not be the one that they are mad at for the wedding being called off or put on hold.
MentionOk722 OP responded:
Thank you. It means a lot for me.
NTA but you will be if you marry him. This is huge. Your family will understand. Don’t ruin your life over an expensive day. By the way the divorce you end up getting will be much more expensive than your wedding day I can guarantee that. Walk away….no. Run
MentionOk722 OP responded:
Thank you. I feel the same way ,that I should run away. No one deserves to go through something like this, whether they are a man or a woman. In my opinion, relationships should be built on love,respect, honesty, trust, and communication.
Considering that future ex-"in laws" were fine with their son abandoning his child I doubt that side woud be reasonable.
You would need some serious conversations about why he never told you and the circumstances surrounding why he doesn’t see her and who made that decision. Do you think that’s possible in a few days? Has he even gave you any of those answers yet?
MentionOk722 OP responded:
He told me that he didn't know how to break the news to me because too much time had already passed and he didn't want to upset me.Every time I asked him why he didn't visit his daughter he would go silent and then tell me that he wants to make up for his mistake with me.
Oh, dear. That last sentence shows his true colours. He wants to make up for his mistake with you but not his actual child he currently has? That says everything you want to know about the future with him.
"I'm tormented by the thought that I'll be the a^%$ole in the eyes of everyone involved."
But the thing is, it is YOUR life - no-one else's. This does not make you happy, and I don't blame you. It IS a big thing to hide, FFS.
Focus on yourself at this time, u/MentionOk722. A wedding should be a joyous ocassion, to celebrate. I don't think you are feeling joyous, no?