'AITA for not naming my son the name his father (my ex) and I agreed to?'

"AITA for not naming my son what I agreed to with his father?"

About a year ago I found out I was pregnant with my now ex. We had been together for 2 years, already spoke about marriage and the future, so a baby was a happy surprise that would come earlier than expected.

Early on, we talked about names. We agreed on a name if it's a girl, but when it came to boy names, my ex insisted we follow his family tradition. For the past few generations, every first male of the next generation was named Barrett (fake name for privacy).

His great-grandfather was a Barrett, his grandfather was a Barrrett, his uncle and his brother are Barretts. No offense to anyway reading this named Barrett, but it's not a name I would ever pick. But it was important to my partner at the time.

A few months into my pregnancy, I started having some minor complications. Nothing major or worrying, looking back, but as a first-time mom, I was very anxious about anything not going right. Maybe that anxiety affected our relationship, I don't know, but there started to be some tension.

At about 5 months, my ex demanded a DNA test. This was really hurtful and ridiculous. I'm an introvert and a homebody. When I wasn't at work, I was with my ex. There would be no opportunity to cheat. I told him I'll happily arrange for a DNA test once the baby's born, but he insisted on one in utero because he needed to know now before he invested any more into the baby.

I told him I understand that's low risk, but there's already some complications and I don't want to add in any additional risk, so I wanted to wait until after the birth. He took this as me stalling and trying to "emotionally trap him" after the baby is born.

We broke up. He ghosted me. Every message, every ultrasound, every invitation to an appointment was left on read. I stopped after a while. I didn't inform him when I went into labor and I didn't inform him when I gave birth. I was ready to do this alone and I have a great village with my friends and family. I had a son. I named him what I wanted to name him. He has my last name.

His mother reached out to me about 2 months ago asking to meet her grandson. The visit went well and I always thought she was a lovely woman and if she can have a good relationship with me and my son, I'd welcome it. She asked if she could visit regularly (once a month - she lives 2 hrs away) and I said only under one condition: she takes a DNA test to show she's related and thus proves my ex is the father.

To no one's surprise, she's his grandmother. She clearly told my ex about it and he called last week asking to meet his son. I agreed. The meeting was awkward as hell. He asked about getting back together and I told him that will never happen. He then said that in order to be in my son's life, I needed to change his first and last name to his "real" name. I told him absolutely not.

I reminded him that he abandoned his child, my son is a [my last name], not a [ex's last name] and the only family traditions he'd ever be a party of are the [my last name]'s. He called me a selfish bitch for ruining this traditional over a "mental health crisis."

I told him it's pretty convenient that his "mental health crisis" disappeared when he could no longer deny being the father and my son's name will stay the same and for him to not even try to make Barrett some kind of nickname.

The night of his visit, his mother called and told me he's really upset and maybe I could think about changing my son's legal name. I told her that her son's happiness hasn't been my concern for over six months and he lost the right to make my son part of his tradition when he abandoned him.

I don't think I'm wrong, but my sister said I probably could have articulated my side differently and been less confrontational. My mom also said I likely made repairing the relationships more difficult with what I said. So AITAH?

What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:

lmmontes said:

NTA. You saw him for the person he is.

OP responded:

Thank you! I really didn't feel like I was in the wrong, but my mom and sister's comments definitely made me rethink it.

LeaJadis said:

NTAH - you don’t want him in your son’s life but get some court awarded child support.

OP responded:

I've considered not even bothering with child support. I earn a good living and can do it on my own. I don't want my ex to think he's "owed" anything just because he pays a few bucks a month.

BeeEnvironmental6299 said:

In order to be in his son’s life his name needs to be changed? What an absolute AH.

FireLaCroix said:

NTA, he forfeited his right to influence your son's name when he abandoned you both. Him regretting it now doesn't change that

OP responded:

Exactly my feeling!

And Mandiezie1 said:

NTA, this wasn’t your anxiety. Responsibility came knocking and he folded like a lawn chair. I’m happy his grandmother has stepped up and that you have a village. Hopefully his dad can put him first and be the best version his son deserves.