'AITA for not paying more than the court ordered child support when my ex is struggling and my family has money?'
"AITA for not paying more than the court ordered child support when my ex is struggling and my family has money?"
Round_Apartment_2104
This is a throwaway. I (20M) had my first child back in January. The mother (22F) and I broke up before our son was born. I have been paying court ordered child support. But, the amount is small. I come from a well-off family, but my personal assets are basically nothing right now as I am working through school.
My child's mother is struggling. She is working multiple jobs right now to make ends meet. She has asked me to contribute more financially. I give her most of what I make personally from the court-ordered child support.
But, she wants me to use my parents' money and give it to her. I refuse. My parents' view on the matter is that I and her alone are responsible for our child. They are willing to pay for child care during my custody time so I can do school and/or work, but they see that as a benefit directly to me.
I refuse to use their generosity towards me and take advantage of it. My ex is calling me an AH. She says I am living quite comfortably because of my family. That is true. I have offered to take more custody time with our son, but she refused my offer. She already works 60-ish hours a week and says she cannot work more. I have offered for me to take full custody, she also refuses. AITA?
Here are some things to clarify:
I do work 25 hours per week while doing a premed curriculum. Over half my take home income is child support. The rest of my take home income goes to child related expenses like diapers, wipes, clothes, food, etc.
I pay $1280 plus medical insurance as child support per month. This amount is based on what I would make if I worked full time. We are each allocated a percentage of expenses we are responsible for. I am responsible for 70% of expenses.
I have my kid 10 overnights a month (1/3 of the time).
I am responsible for all his expenses during my time which is why I need money for those times.
My ex does not like my parents at all. While she was pregnant, she moved in with my parents because her family effectively disowned her. Her parents finally decided to meet my parents and they were pretty offensive.
Her dad is a Pentecostal preacher and said he could sense Satan in my parents' house. My parents kicked them out. I told them to "get the eff out!" (My ex hates cussing, although she herself does it occasionally, I think as a result of her upbringing).
A few days later, my mom asked my ex why she didn't defend us and my ex said that wasn't her role and that her parents were just looking out for her. An argument ensued where my mom called her parents AH. She hit my mom. She did not apologize, so my parents kicked her out. She still has not apologized. The description of the fight is from my ex. She makes $48K a year.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
grumps46
All I can say is I feel bad for your kid.
FickleJellyfish2488
And this is only year one…
Wait for when this guy has his “real” family and this poor first born gets to see how he would have been treated if his father/grandparents truly loved him.
MikebMikeb999910
I would send the baby home with extra food, diapers, clothes, etc. I might not give her extra cash but I’d try to lessen the load some if I could.
Helluvme
I went through this, giving more sets a precedent that you can afford it and you can now be taken back to court and have your support raised by the “extra” you gave now making it permanent.
Palmtastic
The mother is struggling and your parents are only willing to help with childcare when it's one of your 10 days a month? It may be legal but it sure isn't kind. If the mom is struggling the kid struggles.
Nobody's saying they need to give her cash but childcare is basically the cost of a mortgage. I would ask your parents to help with that. You have the ability to go to school and make more money. It sounds like she's doing it all and won't be able to get ahead, merely survive.
Baldassm
Exactly. OP, you sound like a real AH, and frankly your parents are pretty eff'ing gross too. All of you are allowing your child/their grandchild to suffer b/c you don't want to lend a helping hand. And I assure you, that baby is suffering.
Oh, maybe it has a roof over it's head, and is fed and diapered. But his/her mom is working multiple jobs to keep those things in place, leaving her exhausted and stressed. and then has to come home and care take a newborn alone.
That's literally the situation you and your AH parents have put your child in. Why? B/c legally you can. You don't even have to give your ex cash. You could simply help with other things over and above the pittance of child support a full time student would be ordered to pay. A box of diapers. Some laundry detergent. Anything.
You may be doing what you are technically required to do. But you are NOT doing anything remotely close to what a loving parent who wants the best for their child would do. And I've got news for you. Your parents aren't even in the same universe as good decent, loving grandparents. You suck and so do your parents.
Famous-Composer3112
This is above and beyond my judgment. But remember.....this is about YOUR CHILD, not you. Not your ex. Do what you can for him.