'AITA for not paying for my daughter's wedding because she isn’t following the rules?'

"AITA for not paying for my daughter's wedding because she isn’t following the rules?"

My wife and I have always told all of our kids that we will be willing to pay for their wedding if they follow a few rules

1) All family has to be invited (exceptions if something major happened )

2) The wedding can not be a destination wedding (if all your guests need to get on a plane basically and leave the country )

3) Immediate family gets a plus-one even if they are not dating someone

Overall the rules are not that hard to follow in my opinion. My daughter (31F) is marrying Cindy ( 34F) and they have picked out a venue and are working on the guest list. They both know the rules if they want me to pay.

My daughter informed me yesterday that the wedding will be child free. I told her that goes against one of the rules of me paying. That all family must be invited ( yes that includes the kids).

We had a sit down conversation where she tried to convince me to still pay even if it was child free. She wants it to be child free because she wants it to be an elegant event and her Cindy doesn’t like kids that much because she experienced parentification as a kid.

I told her I would think about and my decision was no. I informed both of them and in short they are quite mad. I made it clear that they can do that type of wedding if they want but I just won’t be paying for it.

My daughter is pissed and saying it is unfair that because her siblings did get a free wedding. I pointed out that they followed my rules on this. Everyone is pissed basically.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

batmanpjpants said:

I don’t think you are THE ahole in this situation. But I do think you sound like AN ahole.

SnailandPepper said:

I don’t know how many of you guys realize that excluding children from weddings also often excludes their mothers. Not everyone has reliable access to childcare, especially at a wedding where all the family are already invited. NTA, most of us paid for our own weddings and are fine, it’s nice of you to pay any at all.

_Standardissue said:

Technically NTA but I think you’re making the wrong decision.

SoccerProblem3547 said:

NTA. Kids are not entitled for their parent to pay for their wedding. If you have conditions then you have conditions (you are the one dropping 50k or more). These aren’t crazy either. If they don’t want to follow them then they can pay for their own wedding.

Rowan-The-Writer said:

NTA. It is your money, and if all of your other kids followed the rules you laid out, then she too should.

tanookiisasquirrel said:

NTA. My money, my rules. Heck in my thirties, we paid for our own wedding because we then got to make up all the rules. Parents who pay for weddings often come with strings like not that dress, yes this pastor, and these are my extra business guests you don't know. Your daughter and her fiance are in their 30s. They can pay for their own wedding and have it exactly the way they want.

After reading the comments, OP updated the post to include:

I’m just going to answer questions up here. Another question: why don’t Cindy parent pay for it- they are the type of parent that don’t give money for wedding ( yes they will be there). Big on if you are old enough to get married then you should pay for it people.

Since I am seeing this a lot Cindy has been to many events with kids. She even babysat before. She personally doesn’t want children but has been fine around kids before.

Did other kids have issues with the rules? Only my middle son/DIL. They wanted an Italy wedding but decided against it after I informed them I wouldn’t pay. They can still do a child free wedding of they want, just means they wont get 50k-100k from me. They will need to pay for it themselves.