'AITA for not paying for my sisters' kids to take a family vacation?'
"AITA for not paying for my sisters' kids to take a family vacation?"
Notme5990
So next year is my parents' 45th wedding anniversary, and my sisters and I want to get the whole family together for five nights in a lake house somewhere in middle USA. I have three sisters, we are all married, and combined they have six kids total.
I don't have kids. I live in Colorado, but my sisters and parents all live on the east side of the country. Because of their travel costs, we have to make sure wherever we choose is within driving distance for all of them, which would make it flying distance for my husband and me.
My sisters want to split the costs evenly for the lake house, even though their kids and will be taking up more bedrooms than my husband and I. I explained that this is unfair because we don't have kids, and we should split it by room each family will be using.
They tried to guilt me into splitting the costs evenly by saying it's more expensive to travel with children, and we all want the kids there, so we should *all* (me and my husband) be willing to help the parents out.
But my husband and I have to fly AND rent a car, so our costs add up too. So I said I will not be splitting it evenly, and will pay for the one bedroom my husband and I are taking up.
Now this is causing a lot of drama in the family. I'm not sure if I'm in the wrong because I really do want all the family to get together, and taking a stand about this might be more trouble than it's worth. So, AITA for not paying for my sisters' kids to take a family vacation?
EDIT: To answer a few questions - this idea was first my mom's, but my sisters and I are all very excited about it. If my husband and I stayed somewhere else nearby, it would be taken as an insult to the family and would cause more drama.
My parents aren't paying for this because they are not financially able to do so. My sisters and I are all very capable of paying for the vacation - none of us are hard on cash.
UPDATE: My husband and I talked about it, and we are willing to split a house evenly between the four sisters if the house is $700 or less per family. I found a great option that fits that description, albeit a bit smaller than the house this post was originally written about.
Outside of the $700, we will not be splitting evenly and will only pay for the room we occupy. I plan to tell my sisters tomorrow. The responses here were truly helpful in coming to this decision. Thanks, everyone!
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
Tinkerpro
So you will pay for one bedroom, and chip in for mom & dad’s room. OR, you can take the number of bodies staying in the house and divide that into the cost. Then each group can pay for their number of bodies.
Make sure you get a room to yourself. I’ve seen too many times when the single person or the couple with no children get screwed out of a room with a bed and a door.
Notme5990 (OP)
Having our own room with a door was one of my conditions when we started looking at houses. Definitely need our own space for that many nights!
Slightlysanemomof5
And bathroom! Parents will want you to share bathroom with the kids. Since siblings never have privacy from children they will want an adult bathroom to themselves. I would die for my children but I avoid sharing a bathroom with them.
Not sharing a bathroom with anyone else’s children would be a hill to die on. So you owe for your own room WITH bath and ( locking door) help for your parent’s room. Might offer to kick in a bit for groceries to help cover kids if you are generous and getting lots of push back on not being FAIR.
I’m petty, if everyone is nasty but you only pay for room share in grocery cost and purchase extra cookies, candy and marshmallows for children. Feed to children before bedtime then go in your room with bathroom and lock the door! NTA.
Dittoheadforever
You're NTA.
"They tried to guilt me into splitting the costs evenly by saying it's more expensive to travel with children."
No kidding, everything is more expensive when you have kids. That's worked into the system. They knew this when they had kids (though maybe not how much more.) Their kids, their responsibility. You could also make the argument that flying a long distance costs more than driving a short one, but you're not asking them to subsidize your costs.
DustOne7437
From a mom of three—
If they can’t afford to pay for their kids they shouldn’t be traveling.