"AITA for not paying for my brother’s girlfriend flight?"
I (32F) am planning a trip for my mother’s upcoming birthday. My mother asked me to plan the trip for her, my dad and all of my siblings and our spouses. She was offering to pay for all 6 couples flights and hotel expenses. All of my siblings are married except 1 (40M) we’ll call him Tyler.
Tyler had been in a relationship for nearly 15 years when he decided to end things abruptly and move on about 2 years ago. His new girlfriend (we’ll call her Alexa) at the time was immediately introduced to the entire family and they even got engaged after about a year.
Fast forward to the last 6 months, Tyler & Alexa had been having a very tumultuous relationship & sorta kind of break up. He tells everyone he is no longer in a relationship and is not engaged. She tells everyone he’s not serious. He was indeed serious.
About 3 weeks ago, Tyler calls me and someone else is also on the phone. He says I want you to meet my girlfriend Giselle. He ends up keeping me on a phone with him and Giselle for about 20 minutes before I finally hang up. Now Giselle is all he can talk about to the family.
This is where the problem starts. I told my mother that Tyler and Alexa were no longer together and that he has a new girlfriend that he would most likely end up bringing on her birthday trip. She immediately said “he can bring whoever he wants but I AM NOT PAYING FOR THE NEW GIRLFRIEND. I was only willing to pay for his fiancée.”
To be fair, she has never met the new girlfriend and Tyler’s relationships are always pretty chaotic. So, were unsure what the case will be with this one. He is also still partly “dangling-a-carrot” in front on Alexa, that she may still have a chance.
Fast forward to today, I see Tyler and he says “Giselle is so excited about mom’s birthday trip.” I gently told him, you’re going to have to pay for Giselle flight for the trip. He asked me why, I told him “mom was expecting to pay for a trip for you and your former fiancée not a new girlfriend she’s never even met.”
Tyler said “mom is paying for all COUPLES, that 2 people and Alexa is NOT coming, Giselle is.” I told him that the room will be covered because of him but that he was on his own to pay for his girlfriend’s flight. He blew me off and said mom is still going to pay. “I told him blatantly, “No she is not.”
Then asked him “would you pay for a trip for someone you don’t know?” He said “it’s just a flight, she’s going to pay.” I again said “no, she’s not” and he got he got upset and walked away. So, AITA for agreeing with mom that she shouldn't pay for his new girlfriend’s flight? I am booking the flights next week so I may have an update soon.
Edit for context: Tyler is one of the highest earners in our family and can most certainly afford the flight. I assume he feels entitled to having both paid for because she is paying for all other couples but again it’s their spouses not gf/bf.
Also, mom would most definitely tell him NO herself. I told him because I am the one booking the flights and I also wanted to avoid the conflict for her. I honestly thought it would be common sense that she wouldn’t pay for someone she doesn’t know. However, I know he’s going to speak with her anyway now so I’m sure I’ll have an update soon.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
lawyerdad1981 wrote:
This is not your problem. This is solely between Tyler and your mom. I'm confused about your question though. The post heading asks if you're an AH for "not paying for my brother's girlfriend flight." Of course not, but I don't think anyone is asking you to pay. Then in the actual post you ask if you're TA for "siding" with Mom. Also NTA, but that's a separate and completely different question.
R4eth wrote:
He's 40 and ended a 15yr relationship instead of getting married, then proposed to the next girl who jumped in bed with him. Kinda speaks volumes. Tyler can take it up with mom. You told him what mom said, he chose not to believe it. At this point, it's out of your hands. The only person who'll be breaking that girl's heart is him. NTA.
Fit_Entry8839 wrote:
It doesn't really matter that you agree. It's your mother's choice as she's the one that's paying. You kind of suck here for the way you are inserting yourself. The title makes it sound like you are paying, but you aren't.
You are just doing the admin. You should have just left it at mom said she won't pay, then say talk to her if you have an issue. Now when he goes to talk to mom, he'll have your explanation of why she's not paying she'll have to address, when she should have been able to give her own wording.
Spiritual-Bridge1017 wrote:
You are simply helping out your mom with the logistics of a trip she’s paying for. So you do what she tells you and she was very clear Tyler would have to pay for his gf to come. To be fair to your mom, she is fine with Tyler’s gf joining a family trip. It’s a perfectly valid boundary to not want to pay for a flight for someone she doesn’t know well. NTA.
MTG2024 wrote:
NTA - this is an issue between your brother and your mom. Her trip, her money, she gets to make the call. It is unfair of Tyler to create tension by bringing a new girlfriend on a family getaway to begin with, but the least he can do is cover her ticket.
Leading-Knowledge712 wrote:
NTA However you should tell your brother to either stfu or have this debate with your mom because it’s not your problem or decision about whether or not she pays for your brother’s new gf.